For rere :)

Making a model out of me

It had been a while since the last time Brendan and I had rowed, and although I hated it when we did, this time I'm not backing down. Our relationship had it's ups and downs but generally it was great, pretty amazing actually. Sometimes Brendan's jealously got in the way, and today had been one of those days. See I'd rushed to the club on my break to tell him some news, good news, at least for me anyway. I'd been working at the deli and this posh looking guy had come over to me, asking if I did modelling, I had to laugh at that, me modelling. I thought he was taking the piss at first, turned out though he wasn't. He asked me if I fancied doing some naked modelling for a gay magazine called men4men. I did tell him no but he wouldn't take no for an answer, he told me to think about it and if I changed my mind to give him a call, he gave me his card, his name was Mathew Mayer.

The more I thought about it the more I wanted to do it, it would be exciting, something I'd achieved on my own. I had to go and tell Brendan. Big mistake!

"No way steven, I don't want ye doing it"

He shouted at me, made me feel like a two year old.

"Why can't i Bren? Its good money and I want to do it, it'll be fun"

I know that he gets jealous, but I love him, I'm with him, end off.

"Fun, ye can have fun with me Steven, plus I'm not having loads of men ogling over ye. Ye mine Steven no one else's. If its money ye want I'll give ye money."

"No it's not just about the money Brendan. Yes I am yours, like you are mine, but I have my own mind and I want to do this."

He wasn't going to back down, but then neither was I, he promised me when we got back together we'd be equal but it doesn't feel like that right now. Why does he always have to be so controlling. I understand that he doesn't want loads of men looking at me, I wouldn't like men looking at him, but if it was something he really wanted to do, I wouldn't try and stop him, I would support him. When he gets like this, he doesn't realize but it makes me not want to be around him, it's just too much sometimes.

"Steven ye do this and it's over between us, do ye hear me?'"

I heard him but I couldn't believe what I was hearing. After everything we'd been through, after all I'd forgiven him for, after choosing him over my family and friends time and time again, and he wouldn't let me have this, for me, just for myself.

"Then I guess were over Bren"

I'm not having him tell me anymore, especially when he does what he wants to do. I could tell he didn't expect me to walk away from him, but I'm not backing down on this one.

When I got back to the deli, Doug noticed my disappointment straight away. Sometimes I wondered why I couldn't have chosen him instead of Brendan. Life would definitely be a lot easier, but the truth is though Brendan was the one for me, no matter how hard I tried to fight it. Doug had told me to go for it but then again he didn't think a lot of Brendan, so maybe that was why.

"If we were together Ste, I'd be proud seeing you in a magazine; it's not like its porn, I'd understand then."

See why couldn't Bren be more like this? We've already rowed and now we've split up so I might as well just go for it.

"Your right doug I'm going to ring Mathew now, I'm gonna do this."

It was hard not to think of Brendan, I love him but he needed to understand that sometimes I had to do my own thing. After speaking to Mathew, all the arrangements had been made. I was going to a studio in London for the photo shoot; it was going to be great. It would be even greater if Brendan was by my side but he didn't want to know. I asked Doug if he would come with me thankfully he said he would.

It had been a few days since I'd last seen Brendan, I wondered if I'd done the right thing walking away from him, I half expected him to ring or pop in the deli but he never, so far he has stayed true to his word. I wanted him to know I was going to do it and that Doug was coming with me, maybe he'd feel different then, so I text him, told him everything. I was gutted when I didn't get a reply from him. Three days ago things were perfect and now it's all fallen apart.

Off to london

God I was nervous, I was getting picked up in an hour, Amy was well happy for me, she thought it was great, she always did support me. When the door went I naturally thought it was Doug but it wasn't it was Brendan.

"Steven I'm sorry, I don't want to leave it like this"

I was so happy to see him but I didn't let it show, I was still angry with him as well. Doug had also turned up, Brendan didn't look happy to see him.

"What do ye want Douglas?"

"Brendan he's coming with me"

I'd already explained in my text.

He was so rude at times, I felt sorry for Doug.

"You're not needed now Douglas, I'll be going with Steven so run along"

Poor Doug, I told him I'd give him a call when we got back.

"So can I come with ye? I wanna look after ye, make sure all is above board, don't want anyone taking advantage do we?"

This man is unbelievable but I'm so in love with him, and there is a small part of me that likes how jealous he is.

"I'd love you to come with me Bren, but you need to promise me you'll behave"

I know what he can be like sometimes. I was picked up by Mathew dead on 9am, Brendan insisted we both sat in the back, he didn't let go of me for one second.

"Bren…. so do you promise?"

"Yes Steven I promise, but if any one touches you, then it's a different story.

This was definitely going to be interesting.

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