A/N: For those of you who have already read this, there is more. I don't know what happened but it didn't pull the entire document when I uploaded it. Sorry. And, please remember to review. Still not sure if I am going to make this longer, but stay tuned just in case. Thanks, ~JET
Found Me
She sat behind the wheel of her yellow bug and stared at the front door of the house. She was silently debating even if she would go to the door and knock. She came back because Hook gave her the potion. She came back because she knew that Henry would want her to do it. But, she came back because the first thing that she remembered was Regina. She remembered how Regina made her felt.
The longer she stared at the door the more she remembered the dreams that she'd been having in New York. Sure, she'd been with Walsh, but her dreams over the last year never let her get past our hang ups. Walsh had been a good guy, until she found out he was a flying monkey and Hook had been right the entire freaking time. It wasn't Hook that was her true love and she was sorry for that. He was a handsome enough man, but she wasn't who she wanted. She wanted the woman who had been plaguing her dreams.
She sat there, not moving, still pondering her dreams. How could she have known who Regina was before she remembered? What was it about Regina that has stuck with her? She wanted to know. She needed to know why Regina was so hard to forget. She wanted to know why all she could think about since she saw Regina in the diner earlier, when she'd spotted Henry and freaked out, was finding Regina and talking to her again.
She knew that Regina had every right not to see her. She knew that but she felt the need to explain herself. She knew that Regina would be in town. She just thought that she would have more time to see her before she explained everything about Henry to her. She didn't think that she would be in the diner that early in the morning.
Emma looked at her dash and wondered. She didn't know what happened in the past year for them, but she knew that her year in New York with Henry was wonderful. She was happy with the memories that Regina had given her and the ones that she had made. Emma sighed. She had these wonderful memories with Henry and the truth, and then there were the dreams that had Regina.
Emma looked back up at the house. She knew the 108. She knew the interior, but she still sat in the bug and stared. She was brought out of her daze by a knock on the door. She turned sharply to see Regina.
"I am sure that you have a good explanation for sitting out here this long. Don't you Miss Swan? You could have just called if you were too scared to knock," Regina told her.
"I'm sorry."
"Are you going to sit out here all night or are you going to come in and tell me why you're here?"
"Yeah," Emma replied as she got out of the car.
She followed Regina back into the house. She shut the door and turned to head into her office, when she saw Regina move towards the living room. It hadn't changed even though so much had for both of them. She wasn't surprised when Regina went to the corner and poured them both some cider.
"Got anything stronger?"
"I am sure that you would like some whiskey, Miss Swan, but I know that you came here to talk."
"I did?"
"Why else would you be outside sitting in your death trap building up the courage to come here?"
"That obvious?"
"You have always had a hard time of hiding things from me, Miss Swan. I knew about your adventures with my son before you actually admitted it. I do however have to admit that I was surprised to see you both this morning at the diner. I am sorry that I didn't play it off well. Thank you for helping me recover in front of Henry."
"I am sorry that I didn't call you when we got back."
"I understand your reasoning."
"I am sorry that he doesn't…"
"Remember me? It hurts, I'll admit that. I didn't think that it would hurt so much to see him, but not have him. I thought that if I could see him, that the pain wouldn't be so bad," Regina replied.
"I am sorry."
"You keep saying that but you have nothing to be sorry for."
"If I hadn't come to Storybrooke in the first place," Emma started.
"Oh, please, Miss Swan, there is a long list of people that led to the curse. You just broke it. I have no one to blame but myself. I cursed my life and now, I have to pay for it. I knew that when I sent you both away. I just never expected for you to come back."
"I don't think that I did either. I didn't remember any of this. I didn't remember you or my parents. I can't explain the pain that I felt when I did. I felt like my mind was going to explode. I didn't know what else to do. I knew that I had to come back. I had to find you."
"Had to find me?" Regina asked, taking a long drink of her cider.
"Yes, I knew that you would be only person beside Gold that could help me help Henry."
"So, I was your last resort," Regina mused.
"No, you weren't. I remembered that Gold was dead. I hoped that if Hook knew Storybrooke was back that you would be here, too."
"Really?" she asked, cocking her eyebrow.
"Look, I know that we fought a lot especially about Henry, but you are still his mother, too. I was so mixed up when we got into town. I took us straight to Mary Marg…Snow's. I didn't know what to expect. I just knocked on the door. I was pleasantly surprised when David…Dad answered the door."
"And, then you never thought to call me?"
"It wasn't that, Regina, I promise. I didn't know how to tell you. I mean: did you really want me to call you and say, 'Hey, I'm back in town. Henry's with me, but he doesn't know anything about you. Please come on over to my parents apartment and scare the shit out of him as your fawn all over him'."
"I do not fawn over Henry."
"Of course you don't, Regina. I didn't know how to tell you. Do think that it was easy for me to leave New York? I know that if Henry had his memories, he would have wanted me to come back. Do you think that I like lying to him? I had to tell him that Snow was an old school friend. That she called me to help her with a case, which is why Hook came to get me. She couldn't because she is pregnant."
"And, Ruby and the rest?"
"I told him that I'd worked a case here before. I befriended most of the town. I don't' think that he completely bought it, but at least he isn't questioning why everyone knows who we are. He doesn't understand it, but he knows that everyone is nice and friendly. I think the only thing that he is questioning is how everyone knows who he is. I never talked about any of this before the other night."
"He is a smart boy."
"I know. I can't tell him that I knew you before and then it was gone. Then Hook shows up and suddenly, I remember twelve years of our lives differently. I had a hard enough time dealing with being the savior. I can't imagine what this is going to do to him."
"He is the truest believer."
"He was."
"You don't think that we should tell him?"
"About magic? That his grandparents are younger than his mother? That his grandmother is about to have a child that will technically be his aunt or uncle? That the mayor is his other mother that raised him for the fourteen years that he spent with me?"
"I see your point."
"I am sorry, Regina. I tried to give him some of the potion. There wasn't anything left."
"I can try to replicate it."
"You want to?"
"I want to know what happened to me last year. I want to know why we are back here and not in the Enchanted Forest. I want to know why I remember everything from watching you leave with our son and then nothing until I woke up in my bed a week ago. Yes, I would love to replicate it and try it."
"You want Henry to remember you, too," Emma stated.
"Yes, there is that, too. He is…will always be my son. Of course, I want him to remember me."
"That isn't the real reason that I am here," Emma said.
"Then, what is it that you would like to tell, Miss Swan."
"Can you tell me why you can't call me Emma?"
"I am sorry?"
"You always call me Miss Swan. Is there a reason that you can't use my first name? I know that you know it. Why can't you use it?"
"I find that I only use it when there are personal reasons involved."
"Personal reasons?"
"Yes," Regina answered, looking at her sternly.
"Such as?"
"Is this what you really want to know, Miss Swan?"
"No, it isn't."
"Then what?"
"I want to know why you plagued my dreams for almost a year. Then a week ago, nothing, you vanished. The mere days ago, the dreams started again. The one that I had the day Hook showed up on my doorstep was the most intriguing and most disturbing."
"I don't know what you are talking about, Miss Swan."
"Of course, you don't, Regina. I guess if I ran upstairs into your closet I wouldn't find anything that I shouldn't know about. I wouldn't be able to reach in there and pull out clothes that I shouldn't know about but do. The same for the vault, there isn't anything in there that I shouldn't know about."
"Not that I am aware of, no."
"Come on, Regina. I know it was you. I remember all the dreams. They are more like memories."
"I don't understand."
"You don't remember anything?"
"No, I am afraid that I don't."
"Do you know who the first person that I remembered was?" Emma asked her.
"No, I don't."
"It was you."
Regina just stared at her for a good while before she took another sip of her cider. She waited for Emma to continue, to tell her more, but she just sat there staring at her. Regina finally couldn't take the silence. She didn't know what Emma wanted from her. She didn't know what Emma wanted to hear. She was just as lost as Emma was, now. There was a year missing and she couldn't just magically make it come back. She couldn't make herself remember something that she had been cursed to forget.
"Me?"
"Yes, it was you. I don't know why. I can't explain it, but you were the first person that I remembered. I would have thought it would have been Henry, but he was already in my life. You were in my dreams even though I didn't have a name for you. I knew exactly who you were as soon as my memories came back. I can't explain it away. I didn't remember my mother or my father, but you."
"I don't know what to tell you, Miss Swan. I can't explain something that myself I don't understand. The only thing that I can guess is that I made quite the impression on you for you to remember me first."
"That is the best you got, Regina, really?"
"I don't know what you want me to say."
"I want you to tell me the truth."
"About what?"
"You told me before we drove away and the curse overtook the town that you would give me a gift. You told me that you would give Henry and me good memories and we would have always been together. You did give us good memories. They were beautiful and I wanted to thank you for that. I am just wondering that in doing that could you have possibly marked my dreams?" Emma asked.
"I am sure that anything is possible."
"Why did you do it?"
"Because I wanted Henry to be happy. I didn't want him to be alone. If he couldn't have me, he could have you. I wanted him to have you from the beginning. It would make your transition as his mother more seamless and easier for you both. It wasn't something that I wanted to do. I wished that I could have taken Henry back with us. I know your parents wanted you back there as well, but the curse couldn't affect you. You were both born outside of the curse and therefore couldn't come with us."
"I know all that. I understood that then. I understood that you were giving me a family, something you knew that both of us had been craving for a while. I just don't understand why you made the memories so happy. I mean, we were really happy, Regina."
"There is nothing wrong with being happy."
"I know that, but having both sets of memories is …"
"Difficult?"
"To say the least."
"I am sure that your parents would be better equipped to have this discussion with. They also have two sets of memories because of the curse. I made sure that I remembered who I was, but I would be someone with some power when we came to this land," Regina told her.
"I know that. I…I can't talk to them. They try so hard, and I love them for it. But, it is hard to accept that my parents are around my age because of a curse. Don't get me wrong, I respect them, but they can't make up for twenty-eight years of not being there. Honestly, it was easier to deal with them when they were just my friends and not my parents."
"Speak for yourself."
"Listen, I know that things weren't easy for you when you got back."
"I am sure that you know."
"Regina, you don't even know. I imagine that it was hard for you all. You knew that Henry was with me and we were okay. You hoped that we were happy. But, if I was you, I would think that you were in unbearable pain. You lost not only your son, but…everything, again. "
"Why are you here, Miss Swan?" Regina asked suddenly very agitated at how the conversation was going. She didn't want to deal with unknown feelings. She didn't want to speculate. She wanted to know what she couldn't remember. She wanted to get her life back. She wanted Henry to know her.
"I can't shake a feeling that I've had since I got my memories back."
"Yeah, and what is that?"
"That there is more to what's going on than you are telling me," Emma stated.
"How can I tell you anything if I don't know anything?"
"That's the point. That is how I know that you aren't behind this curse or whatever it is. If you were, you would know what was going on."
"I would hope so, Dear."
"There you go, again. Can't you just call me Emma. Why do I always have to be Miss Swan or Dear? I thought, more of, I've remembered that we were starting to become friends after Neverland. I had to always remind Mom and Dad that you weren't the Evil Queen anymore. I never met her. I've always known you as Regina the mayor or Regina, Henry's mom. Why can't I just be Emma?"
"You are the sheriff."
"Even then, you mostly called me Sheriff Swan," Emma stated.
"Are you sure you really want to argue with me over your name?"
"No," Emma answered.
"Then, what is it?"
"I came here to test a theory. I guess I was wrong. I am sorry to have disturbed you," Emma stated, standing up and placing her tumbler of cider on the table. She pulled down on her shirt and leather jacket. She gave Regina a weak smile as she started towards the front door.
Regina seemed puzzled and upset by her behavior. She knew that Emma was never one to back down. She was upfront about that at their first meeting. This was not like Emma, at all. She didn't…couldn't understand at the moment why her actions hurt Emma so much. It was like there was some connection they shared that Regina had forgotten. After all they had been through together, especially for Henry's sake, Regina was actually having feelings about the situation and they were anger or hatred. She wasn't sure what she thought about this.
"Wait," Regina stated, following her to the door.
"What is it, Regina? I am not in the mood for any games. I need to figure out what happened to everyone. I'm tired and I just want to go to bed."
"Emma, wait," Regina said.
She turned around and looked at the mayor. Emma couldn't read the emotion in her face. She didn't know what had changed suddenly between them. She just knew that Regina looked scared and…she couldn't put words to it.
Emma felt her own body sag from the weight of emotional baggage she carried. Tonight, it was just too much to bear alone and for once, she saw the same feeling in Regina's eyes. Tonight, they could share the pain of the unknown for just a minute without meaning anything.
"I'm sorry," Regina told her.
"For what?"
"Pushing you."
"Pushing me?"
"I can't…I can't let anyone in. Every time that I do, they get hurt. Either I hurt them or someone else does. I can't…I can't break again. We all know what happened last time."
"Yeah, you cursed an entire kingdom," Emma replied sarcastically.
"I should have taken my heart like my mother did."
"Lot of good that did her," Emma added.
"You're not helping."
"I'm trying to lighten the mood. Regina, we all know that it was an act of revenge. I know that you and Snow may never see eye to eye on anything expect Henry and I'm okay with that. She does know that you mean well and that you have changed. Hell, even David commented on it. They don't see you as a threat. They may not tell you, but they want you as an ally. You know you are still technically her step-mother. As messed up as that is, she still respects you."
"I know."
"Do YOU? Do you know that she still remembers the young woman who risked her own life to save hers? She fell in love with that Regina and that is only person that she had to compare the Evil Queen to. She didn't understand that there really isn't a black and white always. Sometimes there is gray and you are the epitome of gray."
"Well, thank you for that, Miss Swan," Regina replied.
"I didn't say that to hurt you. I think out of everyone in this town, I understand you the best. I didn't have the same upbringing, but I had to fight for everything. I had to let things go. I had wishes and wants that I couldn't obtain because I was in the system or jail or whatever. I lost Neal. You lost Daniel. We gained Henry in the process. He really is the catalyst that pushed us both to becoming better people. Henry should be called the savior. He saved us both."
"That he did."
Regina smiled, slightly. There was still something hidden in her eyes. Emma couldn't read it fully but she could swear that Regina was starting to show some happiness in her eyes.
"You should meet him," Emma stated.
"It would be too hard. I couldn't. He doesn't know who I am. I can't bear him looking at me and looking through me. He isn't my Henry anymore. He is yours."
"He will be yours again. We'll find a way. We always do."
"That must be a Charming thing," Regina stated.
"I guess it is," Emma replied, laughing.
"You should be going. I am sure that Snow and Charming are worried about you. I will call you tomorrow. Let me think about it overnight," Regina suggested.
"If you're sure," Emma stated.
"I am not, but I don't really have a choice."
Emma could see the sadness returning to her eyes. She wanted to make it go away. She didn't know why but she couldn't take seeing Regina in pain. Maybe it was because of her dreams. Maybe it was because she remembered the woman that she cared for and the woman who gave her false memories with her son. Maybe it was the night air. Maybe it was the way the moonlight came in through the sidelights in the foyer of the mansion. Emma couldn't place it, but she knew that she wanted to erase the look of pain from Regina's face, now and for forever.
She couldn't stop herself. She didn't realize what she was doing until she was staring into confused dark, nearly black eyes. She didn't remember leaning into Regina until she backed up and saw her parted lips. She heard Regina's exhaled sigh, or was it a light moan, Emma couldn't tell. She licked her lips and she could taste the cider from Regina's lips on hers. She could smell the mixture of vanilla and apples swirling around her. She blinked and hoped that she wasn't dreaming, again.
"Please don't be a dream, this time," Emma whispered, barely loud enough for Regina to even hear.
"I'm not. I'm right here, Emma. I promise."
A/N: I don't know where this came from but I needed to write. I might expand it, but right now, I'm not sure. I have so much on my plate, but I decided to put it out there to see what my other "Oncers" thought about it. I mean I am sure that I could add to it, but then I would have to change the rating. Please read and review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading anyways.
