She saw.

She saw the canyon rise between them, an insurmountable gorge. She stretched her arm out and knew, if he stretched out his, she would rise from the dust that she had buried herself in. But he didn't, and gradually her reach receded. Over the years the dust piled, but she ignored it. She had not the strength to pull herself back up again. He with his compassion, and she with her seeming apathy.

She wished.

She kept her emotions locked tightly up, afraid she would suffer because of them. The Mayflies rose up around her, living their short lives to the full while she withdrew and sunk deeper and deeper. She looked but didn't see.

She hoped.

When he came at last, she thought she was free. She thought she could cast off her shroud with all of the names of her countless lovers, friends, and children written on it, even the ones she didn't remember. She didn't know she cared. She couldn't know. It didn't matter to her when she killed. The Mayflies would die anyway, she knew. He didn't like that. He stopped her from ending just another pointless life. But she still wanted her freedom. And when she asked and he answered, she despaired.

She knew.

She knew the lives of the Mayflies were fleeting and she knew she could not hope. He came at last, but he could not come for her. She was an afterthought, like the Mayflies that blew away like smoke in the wind. So she allied herself with the Other One. The Other One promised her what she most desperately wanted. No more trudging through the centuries, she thought. No more watching the Mayflies live and die, and no more remaining to see the aftershock. Freedom, she thought. But the Other One lied. At that moment, she knew that the Life she took would have been in vain. So she committed her first selfless act in centuries. She brought back the Life. She knew he was right, the Other One was wrong, and the Life would live.

The Mayflies live fast and die young. The escape the Other One promised would have been a relief. But the Mayflies are what make life worth living. It is from the Mayflies you learn love, and how to live. The Life was a Mayfly, but he lived his life to the fullest. Her life was not full, and it never would be. He couldn't bring her with him, but she knew why.

Ashildr knew. The Doctor understood. And the Life lived.