Feels Like Tonight
By Caity

Plot Line: Mid-season 3. Ross successfully covered the "trail" and kept his affair with Chloe a secret for Rachel. But how will it affect him and the couple's relationship? Will Rachel ever find out?

A/N: This is a fiction I just started the other week, so unlike my others, it's not finished yet. I only have about 2 and a half chapters done at this point. So any reviews here are doubly appreciated because I can use them :-P And if you're wondering, I'm still continuing "Your Ad Here" because that one's already finished on my computer. So there's about 4 or 5 chapters of that left. This fic doesn't affect it. BTW, this chapter begins right with TOW The Morning After.


Slugging into the kitchen, Ross went straight for the medicine cabinet. As if his situation could be worse, his head seemed to pound harder every minute with the hangover he'd accumulated last night. Or maybe last night, plain and simple, was what was reverberating in his mind. He hadn't even had a chance to think about it- he was too numb right now.

Absentmindedly, he clicked the "play" button on his answering machine, after noticing the red light blinking.

"Hi, it's me," Rachel's sad voice seemed to fill the apartment, somewhat soothing Ross. At least for the moment. "I've been trying to reach you all night. I feel awful. Please, you gotta know there's nothing going on between me and Mark. This whole break-up thing is just stupid."

"Yeah!", he exclaimed in reply to the message.

It continued. "I'm just so sorry I put you through it. And, you know, I don't want to get back together over a machine."

"Nu-huh!", Ross agreed.

"So, I love you."

"I love you," he told her recorded voice.

"And, you know what, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go to bed now, but, uh, on my way to work tomorrow morning, I'm gonna stop by around 8:30."

8:30? Desperate, Ross grabbed the clock sitting on the counter. It was already 8:28. He looked towards his bedroom.

"Chloe, Chloe, how's it coming??"

Out came Chloe. She was still here?

She was still here.

And Rachel was coming.

-----

Rachel stopped a moment, trying to compose herself in the hallway of Ross's building. She still felt so bad from the night before, so guilty for being so short with Ross. All he did was try to spend their anniversary together. Now, thinking back, she probably could have spared a few minutes for him. Anything at all. But no, she had to show off at her new job . . .

She sighed deeply, shaking her head. There had to still be hope for them, right? It was Ross. They were Ross and Rachel. Things had to work out. They would work out. That's just how it had to go. It was them, after all.

She reached up to knock on the door, but it opened suddenly. She looked at Ross, confused. He must have just gotten her message.

"Rachel!", he exclaimed. She didn't notice how he looked rushed, or how frantic his manner was. Or that he was hiding something behind the door. She just saw Ross Geller- the man she loved, the man she would do anything to keep.

"Hi. Ohh, you got my message."

"Yeah, oh hey, you are right on time!" His voice got shrill, like it did when he was nervous. But she was so blinded by her continuing love for this man that she ignored it, or didn't even regard the change.

"So what do you say? Can I be your girlfriend again?", she asked, hopeful.

She was surprised by Ross pulling her into a tight hug. If he was that quick to forgive . . . ugh, it just made her feel that much worse.

"Yes, you can very much," he told her, stroking her hair. He saw Chloe's hand poke out from behind the door, giving him a thumbs up. He panicked, hugging Rachel tighter so she wouldn't see.

So oblivious.

-----

"Oh my God, oh my God!,"Chandler exclaimed.

Ross looked into the faces of his two best guy friends. Joey and Chandler both were in shock. After seeing the past two and a half years, the way Ross was with Rachel, it was just something they'd never expect of him. He hung his head, trying so hard how to figure this out.

"Yeah," added Joey. "We figured when we couldn't find you, you'd gone home to make up with Rachel. Which is probably what you shoulda done, huh?"

"You think?! God, I, ahh, I'm in hell. I mean what, what am I gonna do? Rachel's all like, 'I love you and, and let's work on this.' And all I can think about is, 'What is she gonna do? What is she gonna say?' when I tell her what I did."

Chandler raised his eyebrows. "Well, before we answer that, I think we should address the more important question.How dumb are you?"

"What?!," Ross exclaimed. "Look, we're trying to rebuild a relationship here, right? How am I supposed to do that here, without being totally honest with each other?"

Chandler and Joey tried to get Ross to see that honesty, when it hurt the other person, was a road not to be taken. Ross found himself becoming convinced, wanting more than ever to not hurt Rachel further. They pressed the fact that he had to cover the "trail", from the person you slept with to the person you don't want to know.

"Okay, okay-okay, ah, Chloe works with that guy Issac," Chandler began. "Issac's sister is Jasmine. And Jasmine works at that massage place with Phoebe. And Phoebe's friends with Rachel. And that's the trail, I did it!" He beamed proudly at Ross.

Ross shot him a blank look, but took no time to start at the beginning of the trail. Where- or with who- this mess began.

-----

After going through Chloe and Issac, Ross continued down the trail to Jasmine. She was Issak's sister, and a coworker of Phoebe's. Ross prayed to God that the trail ended here, because if it went any further, there was no denying Rachel knew by now.

"Jasmine, I need to talk to you," he burst, running into the massage room.

"You did a bad, bad thing," she spat at him, glaring through narrowed eyes.

"Yes, yes, I know I did, but look," he sighed. "I love my girlfriend very much, and I don't want her to find out about this. Not yet. Please tell me you didn't tell Phoebe yet."

"I haven't."

Ross breathed a sigh of relief.

"But my roommate, he knows Rachel too. I almost told him, but he was already at work when I woke up."

"Please, please don't tell him," he pleaded.

"Fine, but you should know, Gunther hates being left out."

-----

After not finding Rachel at her apartment, Ross rushed to the coffee house. His first kiss with Rachel was there. He only hoped that it wouldn't be the place to witness their last meeting as a couple.

He saw her sitting at the window seat, staring out the window while sipping coffee.

"Rachel!"

She turned to look at him, her face lighting up at the sight. "Hey," she weakly offered.

He sat next to her, feeling such relief that Rachel didn't know. He didn't want to lie, especially in the midst of them working out their problems, but he figured everything would come in it's own time. He wanted to be stable with her again, he wanted them to be able to stand on their own feet. Then he could be completely honest, when he was sure their love was as strong as ever.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. It hurt him to see how guilty she felt, when he had done so much worse than her. But Chandler's voice echoed in his mind, and he kept his thoughts inside.

"Don't be, it's okay," he cooed, putting his arm around her shoulder and stroking her arm.

She leaned in, resting her head against him. "You're too forgiving," she joked. "Thank you for making this so easy."

He smiled weakly, in spite of himself. "If only it was," he thought. If only it was.

"I love you," he whispered, kissing her forehead. "Of course it's easy."

She sighed blissfully, thinking how she didn't deserve this treatment. Not knowing that he was feeling the same way, only a hundred times worse.

"How about I make some time for lunch today?", she asked.

"You're not too busy?"

"Not for you." She lifted her head and looked into his face. "Not anymore."

He felt like scum.

-----

Rachel entered Ross's apartment at night, using the new key he'd given her. It was a big surprise, but at their lunch, he'd explained that he didn't want any barriers between them anymore. If he could stride into her and Monica's apartment whenever he wanted, she should be able to do the same with him. She smiled at the fact that it all felt so domestic. And lunch had been great- they'd had a long talk about rebuilding their relationship. They knew now that love was only half the battle.

She tossed her keys and purse on the table in the front room, and retreated to the bathroom for a shower. She wondered when Ross would be home from the museum, hoping it would be soon. Almost on cue, she heard the front door open. Now everything felt ten times better. Nothing reassured her more than his presence in the next room. She sighed, closing her eyes and letting the warm water fall into her face.

Ross heard the shower going, knowing Rachel must be home. She'd stayed true to her work from earlier that day, getting out of work early to spend the night with him. She'd made a promise to make time for them. Except, when Ross thought he'd be comforted, he felt anxiety. He had no idea that keeping a secret would wear him down so quickly.

Rachel, meanwhile, was humming a romantic tune in the shower. "Tupelo Honey"- the song Ross had told her he thought was the most romantic song.

"Pretty," she heard a soft voice behind her. She turned around to see that Ross had silently entered the shower behind her, a loving smile on his face. "Keep going," he encouraged her, wanting her to continue her humming.

She continued through the song, but came towards Ross. She lay against him, buring her face in his chest and waiting for him to envelop her in his arms. When he did, she sighed happily. She knew everything would be alright, as long as she had him protecting her. They could make it through anything.

He stroked her lower back, trying hard to let her know that he still loved her. Trying to persuade her that they would be okay, that it would stay like this forever, just as it was before. Or maybe he was just trying to convince himself.

When they finished the shower, Rachel went to get the pair of pajamas she regularly left at Ross's. But instead, he grabbed her hand, leading her to his bed. He crawled beneath the sheets with her, holding her body close to his. With his cheek resting on her forehead, their arms around each other and legs intertwined, just like always.

"Ross?", he heard her whisper.

"Yes?", he mumbled, already half asleep.

"We're gonna be okay, right?"

Her voice was so small, yet so hopeful. His heart broke in two. He knew that, even if he waited for stability to reveal the true events of their anniversary night, it would crush her. Maybe . . .maybe she didn't have to know. What she didn't know couldn't hurt her. And he didn't want to hurt her- that was the last thing he'd ever want to do.

"Yeah," he whispered back, pausing. "We're gonna be fine."

He felt her smile against his chest, her arms tighten around him, and her hands on his back. They would be okay.

Right?