Idiot!
Roll rolled over onto her stomach, burying her head in her pillow. She couldn't believe it. She just couldn't believe it. How could he have said that – and then dared to ask what was wrong?
When she'd first moved to the farm, Takakura had subtly suggested she find herself a husband within the next year. "It would be helpful for me, you know," he reasoned, and at first, Roll had taken it as an insult that Takakura thought she couldn't handle the farm on her own. After time went by, though, she realized that Takakura was just doing what her father would have done: looking out for her. Takakura was an older man, after all. He wouldn't be around forever. Roll soon came to appreciate the fact that he wanted someone there to take care of her for as long as she lived on the farm.
Forget-Me-Not Valley had a small community, and, as such, few guys to find interest in. There were three who might be good boyfriends, though.
The first was Marlin, a tall, serious man who lived at the farm of his older sister, Vesta, along with a young helper, Celia. Marlin had jet black hair, pale skin, and piercing blue eyes – any girl would immediately swoon over him. When she first met him, Roll had thought him to be very cold; he didn't smile very much and wasn't much for long conversation. Once, though, she had started talking to him about her crops, and his face brightened as he explained the whole thing to her. Under his cool exterior was a gentle guy, and Roll came to like Marlin quite a bit.
Second was Gustafa, a traveling minstrel who lived in a yurt across the way from Roll's farm. Sensitive and poetic, Gustafa played the most beautiful music on his various instruments. Roll loved to visit and listen to him play once her farm work was done for the day. He was very kind and laid-back, with pale eyes hidden behind round, purple sunglasses and shaggy brown hair hidden underneath a green hat. Odd though he might seem, Gustafa was a kind and soft-spoken man, and Roll enjoyed every minute spent in his company.
Lastly was the innkeepers' son, Rock. Rock was a party boy, for sure, and he wasn't one for work by any means. He was relaxed, light-hearted, and flirtatious with just about every girl in town. He had mid-length blond hair and chocolate eyes that were always twinkling mischievously. Of the three bachelors Roll had met, Rock was probably the worst choice. He wouldn't help her on the farm, he wasn't especially sensitive, and he didn't take anything seriously.
Naturally, he was the one she fell for.
She didn't just fall, either. She crash landed. Something about his cheeky smile and breezy laugh made her weak at the knees, and even though he was lazy and ditzy, Roll founded him endearing and enjoyed listening to his far-fetched stories. For months now, she'd fallen more and more for the innkeepers' son, and so, that night, when Ruby had asked her to come into the inn for a moment, her breath had caught.
Tim was behind the counter, as always, and he and Ruby exchanged a meaningful glance before turning to Roll. "We…have noticed, Roll, that you seem to like spending time with Rock…" Ruby started, almost shyly. "It's just…a bit surprising. He isn't well-liked by many girls because he is…the way he is…" She blushed and looked away.
Roll felt a pang looking at Ruby; the kind little woman and her husband only wanted their son to be happy and had obviously been lax in disciplining him, but now that Rock was free-spirited and partying constantly, they felt guilty. Roll considered saying that there was nothing wrong with the way Rock was (after all, the way he was was exactly what she liked about him), but Ruby beat her to the punch and continued talking.
"It's just…if you like spending time with him…we just wondered if you would want to…be with him…?" Roll could feel her cheeks burning and distantly heard Ruby backtracking about how it wasn't her place.
"Hey, what's going on?"
Startled, Roll turned to see Rock, grinning as always, coming in the front door. "Hey, Roll, you here to see me?" He winked cheekily. "It's tough being so popular." Ruby and Tim sighed behind her, and Roll almost laughed aloud. "Eh, I'm heading out again, I think," Rock said suddenly, and he turned and left. Roll, looking back to the innkeepers, followed him out.
"Rock?"
"I…heard some of what you guys were talking about…" Rock admitted, his back to Roll. She started.
"O-Oh…?"
"Yeah. My parents are such meddlers…I'm sorry," Rock turned back to her, a genuinely apologetic expression on his face. "They're trying to get you to marry Marlin, aren't they?"
"Well, I understand if you're—what?" Roll blinked. Rock didn't seem to notice her panic, though, and went on.
"Well, yeah, I mean…I know he's a great guy once you get to know him, but Marlin can be really grouchy when you first meet him. A lot of people don't get why he is the way he is, but…you're nice to him," Rock continued, something flickering in his eyes as he said so. "My parents treat everyone my age like their own kids in this town…they mean well, you know."
"I know, but…" Roll started, but Rock cut her off again.
"As far as I figure it, Marlin's clearly in love with Celia," the blonde said, sighing heavily and turning around fully to face her. "He can't get her, though, so he's just putting the moves on you, instead." Roll wasn't sure if that was meant as a joke or not, but her expression must have been grim, because Rock quickly backtracked. "Er, not that that's the only reason he'd like you, I mean." Brightening again, Rock added, "But, I mean, wouldn't it be way more fun being with me than him?" The hopeful note in his voice made Roll's heart beat faster.
"Definitely," she said.
"Yeah, totally," he said. "…Though, it's not like I'd get married or anything. I mean, commitment, settling down…no way, not me." Rock laughed. "But being married to you might be fun."
What…?
WHAT?
Roll must have said what she'd been thinking aloud, because Rock started. Roll clenched her fists furiously. "Are you serious right now?" she cried. "Fun? Fun? Is that what marriage is to you? Fun?"
"W-Well, I…" Rock started, clearly not understanding Roll's fury. "Man, what's wrong, babe? I say something…?"
Roll wanted to scream. First Rock tells her he basically never wants to get married, then that marrying her might be "fun", and now he didn't realize why she was upset?
Marlin never would have upset her. Marlin would want to settle down, start a family, rebuild the farm.
Gustafa wouldn't have upset her. He would've been in tune with her feelings and, even if he didn't return them, have been sensitive and kind.
Rock!
Why did she have to fall for Rock?
"I'm going home!" Roll snapped.
That was how she left him, standing dumbfounded in the street. Roll had run past poor, confused Takakura as she entered her farm, not answering when he asked what was wrong, and bolted into her house, slamming the door behind her. Throwing herself onto the bed, she buried her head in her pillow and sobbed. Rush, her pointy-eared dog, whimpered and jumped up on the bed beside her, but she didn't pet him. He whined.
"I know," Roll whispered, turning her head to look up at her sad dog. "Believe me…"
"Roll? Honey?" Muffy called, knocking on the door. "You okay?" The blonde barmaid bit her lip. Takakura had said Roll hadn't been feeling well for a few days, so he had been taking care of the farm. When Muffy had asked Rock if he had been to see her at all (she could tell that Rock and Roll had a thing for one another), he had quickly said no and looked away. Tired of the questions racking her brain, Muffy decided to take matters into her own hands.
She heard shuffling behind the door, and soon Roll appeared from behind it. Muffy gasped; it was worse than she expected. Roll was still in her pajamas – well into the afternoon – her hair was messed up, and she looked exhausted.
"Hi, Muffy," Roll said, her voice cracking. Muffy ran in, shutting the door behind her.
"Honey, what happened to you?" Muffy cried, putting her hands on the younger girl's shoulders. Since she'd arrived in the valley, Roll had been like a little sister to her, and to see the poor little thing like this. Roll's bottom lip began to quiver, and Muffy pulled her into a motherly hug. "There there…" she soothed, rubbing Roll's back. "We'll sit down over there, I'll put on some tea, and we'll chat, okay?"
She led Roll to her bed and sat her down, then went over to the kitchen area to boil water for tea. After all was said and done, Muffy looked expectantly at Roll, who was miserably sipping her tea. For a long time, neither said anything, which was making Muffy a little antsy, but she didn't push Roll. Finally, Muffy was about to say something – she couldn't take it anymore – when Roll spoke up.
"I went to the inn the other night."
Ahh. The inn. Muffy's lips began curving upwards in a smile. So Roll had gone to la casa de Rock, huh? Muffy's smile froze. So why was Roll so depressed right now?
"I…was talking to Ruby and Tim…" she continued, her voice dropping. "They were talking about, er…how I've become closer to…ah…"
"Rock?" Muffy supplied, raising an eyebrow. Roll put her head down, looking into her tea, her face hidden from Muffy's view by her bangs.
"Yeah," she said. "He came in a few minutes later, but left soon. I followed him, and he said he'd heard some of the conversation…"
Muffy winced for her friend. So was that it? Rock had been freaked about the parental units discussing the 'L' word with the girl he had a thing for? Roll was moving on, so Muffy listened intently.
"He thought they were trying to get me to marry Marlin."
Muffy couldn't help it; she sniggered. Roll looked up, a funny expression on her face. "I'm sorry," Muffy said quickly. "Really, I didn't mean it!" Roll smiled fleetingly, then looked back down at her tea.
"He asked if it wouldn't be more fun being married to him, and I agreed with him. I thought that was the direction the conversation was taking…"
It certainly sounded like the beginning of an adorable proposal, Muffy thought.
"Then he said commitment and settling down weren't his thing," Roll said quickly, her voice getting much, much quieter, "but that it might be fun marrying me."
"Jerk!" Muffy yelled, before she could stop it. Roll looked up in shock. "Ugh! Men!" Muffy jumped to her feet and started pacing around Roll's one-room house. "Why can't they just commit? What's so terrible about being with one woman you love for the rest of your life? Is it so scary to just," – Here, Muffy started using one fist to punch into her other palm – "love a woman?" Punch. "One woman!" Punch. "And grow old together!" Punch. "Men are so stupid! I can't even…" Muffy stopped as she heard giggling, then turned to face Roll.
Roll was flopped over her bed, laughing hysterically at Muffy's wrath. Muffy, realizing how silly she must have seemed, smiled sheepishly.
"Muffy, after that performance, I'd say it'd be scary being with you for the rest of my life," Roll teased, and though she was usually sensitive about being single, Muffy laughed at the comment.
"Well, if a guy gets scared off that easily…" Muffy purposely let the statement fade off elusively, and she and Roll laughed until they cried.
Roll took a deep breath, fingering the blue feather the harvest sprites had given her. Since the whole episode at the Inner Inn, she'd been going out of her way to avoid Rock, and had been spending more time hanging out at Gustafa's yurt or talking to Marlin over at Besta's farm. It was nearly the end of winter, and Roll had made her decision. She wanted to be friends with Gustafa always, and she wanted to offer Marlin the blue feather.
Marlin would be a good husband. He was kind and sensitive, but also protective and strong. Besides, he knew all about farming – way more than Roll did – and he would be really helpful when she was on the farm. They could bring the farm back to life together, start a family together, make her father's dream come true together.
Roll tucked the blue feather into her pocket as she hurried out of the farm. As she turned around the corner towards Vesta's farm, she ran smack into someone coming the other way from the Goddess Glade and falling to the ground. "Ah, I'm sorry!" she cried, sitting up. Flinching, she realized she'd run right into the person that she least wanted to see.
"Don't worry about it, babe," Rock grinned, though the unsure light in his eyes suggested that he wasn't as confident as he sounded. He reached down to pick up some of the flowers he'd picked by the glade when his hand froze. Roll followed Rock's shocked stare down to the blue feather she'd dropped, lying on the ground. Quickly, she snatched it up. Rock stared up at her. "That's a blue feather," he said, his voice slightly strangled.
"Really?" Roll asked sarcastically, turning to look at the feather in her hand. Gasping theatrically, she cried, "It is!" Her expression returning to one of annoyance, she sidestepped around Rock and continued towards Vesta's farm, putting the blue feather back in her pocket.
"You, uh, you know what a blue feather means in these parts, don't you?" Rock asked quickly, flowers forgotten, leaping up to walk beside her.
"The equivalent of an engagement ring in the city."
"Yeah…Wh…where're you going with a blue feather, now?"
"I'm going to Vesta's farm," Roll said, gesturing to the farm still across the bridge. "I…" She paused shyly. "I want to talk to Marlin about it." If Rock's expression had been surprised before, it was now beyond shock.
"Marlin!" he cried. "You want to give a blue feather to Marlin! Why!"
"I really care about Marlin. He's smart and knows all about farming, he's sensitive and nice to talk to…" Coldly, Roll added, "I feel like I would be happy in a serious relationship with him." Rock made a funny noise. "What?"
"Didn't you say…it'd be more fun being married to me than Marlin…?" Rock asked, for the first time Roll could remember, not while grinning.
A bit put off by his sudden sobriety, Roll caught herself in time to slowly answer, "Yes. So?"
"So why do you want to marry a guy you can't have fun with?" Rock asked, gaining a bit of confidence.
"Who says I can't have fun with him? Just because he isn't a party boy doesn't mean he's no fun at all," Roll pointed out. "Besides, getting married isn't all about having fun. It's about being with someone you can't be without, someone you seriously love. I don't want to get married just for the heck of it, you know." Roll sighed softly as she and Rock came to the bridge. Halfway across, she stopped walking, and Rock immediately turned to her hopefully. "I want to get married to someone who loves me, whom I love back. Someone I love being with."
"Someone who makes you smile," Rock added.
"Someone who doesn't make me cry," Roll corrected, and Rock drew back. "I want to marry someone serious, who'll be there for me, who'll start a family with me."
Rock's expression was thoughtful.
"Someone who'll help me work on the farm."
Serious flinch.
"My father wanted for this farm to be a place on which his family could live and work together. I'm going to keep that dream alive. Excuse me." She brushed past Rock and made it across the bridge, nearly at Vesta's farm.
It had hurt. It had hurt saying those things to Rock, because, in truth, Roll still felt for him, still wished he wasn't such a bonehead, still wished he'd settle down. She knew it wouldn't happen, though. She knew Rock wouldn't change. She didn't need that. Marlin was everything she wanted in a husband, and she cared about him strongly. Her life would be perfect with him.
"Roll!" Rock yelled, chasing her once again across the bridge. Roll waited for him to catch up to her. She pictured him running in front of her, stopping, and making another fruitless attempt to stop her. It broke her heart knowing that Rock didn't want her to marry another guy, but it had broken her heart more hearing that Rock didn't want to marry her, either.
Rock didn't do as Roll had expected. He ran up behind her, and Roll felt his arms, stronger than she remembered them being, wrapping around her, his head resting on her shoulder, blond hair tickling her neck.
"I get it," he whispered. Roll froze. "I'm sorry."
"What are you talking about?" she managed.
"I don't know. You. Marriage. Everything. Everything you just said is one hundred percent true, and everything I said to you was stupid."
"I'm not about to correct you," Roll said, though she could feel her resistance wavering.
"When you love someone and you want to be with them, it doesn't matter what kind of person you are, what your beliefs are…if you let them get away, you're a fool." Roll couldn't tell if Rock was talking to her or himself. "If you've got the right person…you…you…settle down…"
Roll wondered if Rock could hear her pounding heart. Whether or not he could, Rock looked up at her, all teasing or amused lights gone from his eyes.
"Don't marry Marlin," he said softly, his eyes locked on hers. Rock's arms tightened around her waist, and he lifted his head off her shoulder. The corner of his mouth twitched upwards in a small smile. "Marry me."
Finding her voice failing her, Roll nodded in response. She shivered as she felt Rock's hand slowly sliding into her pocket and pulling out the blue feather. He held it up in front of her. Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, Roll finally pieced together what had just happened. She turned to face Rock, and saw that his smile was back to its regular cheeky self.
"This is mine," he told her, twirling the blue feather in his fingers. Voice regained, Roll chuckled.
"Always has been," she replied.
