»I don`t want to go«. That was the last thought Barry Allen had before he was flung through the speed portal. It`s what he wanted wasn`t it? To go home? To see his family? His loved ones? To protect his city from the meta-human threats? Going home was the right thing to do. Then why did it feel wrong.

He had been struggling with going back home for the better part of the day. He was sincere when he told her he would miss her. But not even he knew just how much until he actually left.

Kara Danvers. She was the last thing on his mind when he left. And the first one when he returned home. When he ran back to STAR labs it was as if he had never left. Even when he gave his friends and family a detailed report of all that happened. Even when he told them what, or rather who he left behind on her Earth, he never told them the truth. If he had a second longer to think, he would have stayed. He would have left them all behind to spend some more time with her. But it was too late now. He was home, lying in his bed and she only existed in his dreams now. A universe away she was as good as dead. He was a speedster, if he was faster he could go back. He wasn`t. So he spent every night having the same dream, and waking up every morning feeling alone. When he was asleep she was there, smiling at him with that infectious grin. And when he woke up he felt empty. He figured eventually it would pass. It didn`t. As days and weeks came and went, as he defeated enemy after enemy, he felt more alone. Eventually his speed buster was repaired in order to defeat Zoom. He was tempted to go back. But he knew the imminent danger was too great for Zoom needed to be stopped. And Central city needed the Flash.

It just so happens that Zoom was defeated. Ultimately the world was saved and all that was left were villains of the week and an abundance of optimistic bank robbers. That and the loneliness. Eventually someone was bound to notice something was wrong. Interestingly enough it was Cisco Ramon who felt that Barry wasn`t telling the whole truth. He of course knew about Kara, just not everything.

"So… whats bugging you?" said Cisco as he sat next to Barry. "Nothing." Replied Barry, but his friend could see right past his denial. "I know something is up. You`ve been acting off ever since you`ve returned from that other Earth. Are you even the same Barry? Are you a clone? You`re a clone aren`t you?" replied Cisco in a progressively more worried tone. "I`m not a clone Cisco." was the only sentence Barry managed to utter before Cisco interrupted by kindly warning him that that is obviously something a clone would say. The idea that the now reassured Cisco had was fairly simple. He gambled Barry would rather tell him about his feelings which was no uncommon event with Barry. Before his little trip feelings with Barry seemed to be a weekly podcast. Without stating the obvious, the gamble payed off. Joe`s other daughter opened up. He tried long and hard to explain how he could possibly have feelings for someone he knew for a good day and a half. Maybe less. Ultimately the line "When it`s right it`s right." Did it for Cisco. He understood. He didn`t like it but he understood. It`s not easy realizing your best friend could literally run out on you and your entire universe at any given time, and for a girl no less. Eventually the secret came out. Of course it did. Nothing really stays a secret in STAR labs. For the most part they felt for him. Caitlin more than others. Because Kara didn`t even exist in their universe. She was effectively dead much like Ronnie. Which is perhaps why she was the only one willing to help him should the time come.

It just so happens that the time did come. Weeks later when Wally West started developing powers. To Barry it was a gift. Central city had another speedster. He could leave for as long as wished. The only problem now was saying goodbye to everything and everyone he knew. Maybe forever.

It had been about 6 months since Barry returned home. A storm was raging as they all met in STAR labs. Everybody that Barry cared enough for to say goodbye to. Coincidentally the list pretty much included anybody who knew his secret. For the most part the goodbyes were pretty long. Everybody talked with the presumption that it would be for the last time. Surprisingly enough there were no tears that day. The shortest goodbye was from Joe. In his usual manner he refused to make a lengthy speech detailing the sorrows of missing him. All he said was: "I will want to meet her, you know." To which Barry could only respond with a promise that he would. That pretty much sealed the deal on whether he was ever coming back. He turned around one last time before he put on his mask and ran into a portal generated by the speed force. For the first time in forever he had one thing on this mind.