"Siren Song"

A Clover fic, inspired by the poem "Siren Song" by Margaret Atwood. Just a small collection of Kazuhiko's thoughts on Oruha's death. (~~ denotes the poem)



~~This is the one song everyone
~~would like to learn: the song
~~that is irresistable:

The rifle falls to the ground. So does she.
Red stains.
To think, the one night that she decides to wear a white dress, and...

~~the song that forces men
~~to leap overboard in squadrons
~~even though they see the beached skulls

The funeral is beautiful. She was not famous, but she was loved so much.
They dressed her in white again. Why does it have to be white? She only wore that color one day during her life, the day that she...
She should be in black. Black, like my mood and my heart. Black like her hair and her eyes and her pouty lips, not full and soft and expressive anymore but blank, empty, lost.

~~the song nobody knows
~~because anyone who has heard it
~~is dead, and the others can't remember.

What is the secret? What the reason for this act? Who, and why?
He says I'm going to make myself sick if I keep thinking about it. Maybe he's right.
The boy he's with doesn't say much at all, just looks at me with those pitying eyes. Dark, just like hers.

~~Shall I tell you the secret
~~and if I do, will you get me
~~out of this bird suit?

I left the house for the first time since her funeral today, just long enough to bring her some roses. I did not stay long. The pain was too much.
Back at the house, he asks why I even bother. I don't know. And that boy just watches me, looking as though he wants to say something to me but can't.
That's fine with me. I just want to be left alone.

~~I don't enjoy it here
~~squatting on this island
~~looking picturesque and mythical

Idly I gaze at a knife on the counter. Should I join her? Maybe it would be better.
The boy appears, seemingly out of nowhere. He smiles at me and shakes his head. What is he shaking his head at?
Not for the first time, I wonder if he can read minds.

~~with these two feathery maniacs,
~~I don't enjoy singing
~~this trio, fatal and valuable.

Living with them is hard. Seeing them so happy together (even if he doesn't show it, the boy does) and knowing I can't possess such happiness ever again hurts almost more than I can bear.
Sometimes at night, when I lay in my bed, I feel my throat closing and I can almost hear her voice, from far away, telling me something...
But I can never hear what it is. Never again.

~~I will tell the secret to you,
~~to you, only to you.
~~Come closer. This song

I will never be complete again. Part of me has been ripped away and thrown to the wind, the part that was always filled with her laughter and her songs. Her beautiful voice.
When I close my eyes now, I hear her soft murmuring. But it's just nonsense, and when I open them again, either he or the boy is there, looking at me with that expression, the one thing that's the same between them despite their obvious differences.
It hurts.

~~is a cry for help: Help me!
~~Only you, only you can,
~~you are unique

I can still remember the moment, you know. The exact moment when I was alone in my heart again.
I had not been alone since I met her. It had taken three months to convince her I was not a crazed fan, but after that, we were always together. She and I. One soul, one mind, one being.
Now I am alone. I am the one mind, the one being. And I have no soul.

~~at last. Alas
~~it is a boring song
~~but it works every time.

My Oruha...


A/N: Angsty Kazuhiko! ^_^ So what do you think? Does the poem fit? Let me know!