Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any characters affiliated therewith. Neither do I own "Heaven's Not Enough" or any material related to Wolf's Rain in any way.
Dedicated to Grace, who helped me overcome one of the biggest obstacles in my life, and Adrenachaos, who inspired me to write this because of her AMV.
Heaven's not enough
If when you get there
Just another blue
And heaven's not enough
You think you've found it
And it loses you…
I remember the orphanage. I remember the pain I felt as my peers singled me out as Wammy's number one prodigy, as the next L. I've never had friends; I don't know how to trust.
You've thought of all there is
But not enough
And it loses you in a cloud
"There" most everything is nothin'
That it seems
"Where" you see the things you only wanna see…
Cold stone walls, impassable to a child who has no one and nowhere to go; stained glass windows, an attempt at beauty, but no more than another barrier to the freedom sunlight could have afforded me.
I'd fly away
To a higher plane
To say words I resist
To float away
To sigh
To breathe… forget…
He first took me there when I was five years old, the man I consider the closest one to a father and savior. My biological Mother and Father perished in a house fire, or so they told me. Thus, I never really knew them, even though I dream of loving embraces that I cannot remember receiving.
And heaven's not enough
If when I'm there I don't remember you
And heaven does enough
You think you know it
And it uses you…
I saw so many things
But like a dream
Always losing me in a cloud…
Always L, never by my birth name, so I never played with the other kids. Day after day, I sat alone in the library, or in some quiet, shady corner of the grounds, contemplating why they chose me, of all people, to be the next L. To this day, I have yet to figure it out.
'Cause I couldn't cry
'Cause I turned away
Couldn't see the score...
Didn't know the pain
Of leaving yesterday really far behind…
The main hall was my favorite room, with its enormous round dome suspended by marble pillars. For as long as I can remember, I was the only one who ever stayed there at lunch recess. I would gaze up at the birds that flew outside and only wish I could be free like them.
In another life
In another dream
By a different name
Gave it all away
For a memory
And a quiet lie…
I observe Soichiro Yagami's behavior toward his son, and my mind is drawn to a hazy memory of sitting on a man's shoulders, small hands buried in his unruly black hair, with a smiling brunette woman walking beside him.
And I felt the face
Of a cold tonight
Still don't know the score…
My whole being silently envies the bond between this father and son, the kind of link I cannot remember ever having. This is why I indulge myself in eating sweets: the sugar content reminds me of a bitterness and longing I will never allow anyone to know exists.
But I know the pain
Of leaving everything really far behind…
Light has never had to hide behind a single, enigmatic letter on a computer screen, a distorted voice, or even an alias; never had to be sheltered by a well-meaning cast of characters that made me feel trapped behind a wrought-iron gate. But I have had to live a lie every single day of my life since entering Wammy. I've always known it was for protection, but I want to do normal things… After all, I'm human too…
And if I could cry
And if I could live what truth I did then take me there…
I know now that I am dying. What a curious feeling, the pain and constriction within my chest. I see clearly now: Light Yagami is Kira. I wasn't wrong. But… I…
Heaven goodbye…
I will no longer be a prisoner of my past.
A/N: Once again, please forgive me for my horrible writing skills. If you wish to know the AMV I was inspired by, PM me and I shall do my best to send you the URL. It really is quite good.
