Chapter 1: Trinkets and Pirates

Fifteen year old Harry Potter walked along the cobble stone path of Diagon Alley a little more cautiously than normal that afternoon. Not every teenage wizard was constantly being sought out to be killed by the most evil and feared wizard in all the magical world. Considering this last past term at school, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was the closest he'd been to dying since the prince of all that is dark decided to pay him a visit and kill his parents, he didn't think twice about giving a quick peek over his shoulder.

This being Harry's fifth summer among his own kind was now being spent a lot with his best friends, Ron and Hermione. Satisfyingly today was one of his first away from the Dursley's all summer, which came as a good relief and something to get his unfortunate godfather's death off his mind.

The three shuffled into the Three Broomstick's, a rather popular bar, where they each ordered a butter beer and discussed the summer's events.

"So what exactly have you two been up to all summer?" Hermione piped.

"What am I normally up to?" Harry responded a little annoyed that Hermione should have known better than to ask. His foul moods really were starting to get out of control, but far be it for him to actually attempt to keep them in check, he was the Chosen One after all.

"Hey, have you heard about Fred and George's Joke Shop?" Ron asked, trying to change the subject.

"Yeah, how is it going?" Hermione replied, happy for the change of subject.

"Really well," Ron replied, "Should we go have a look?"

"Sure we've got nothing better to do," Harry answered dully.

Ron took one more swig of his butter beer before standing to leave for his brother's joke shop.

XXX XXX XXX

Clad in her heavy, multi pocketed jacket and fresh out of the department of corrections the seventeen year old Captain of the pirate ship Chaos made her way to her favorite trinkets shop in one of her favorite shopping districts, Diagon Alley, before shoving off for better places. Pausing to observe her reflection in the window of Olivanders she tucked some loose strands up into her hat and wiped some dirt from her cheek, checking her teeth too for good measure. Though it wasn't long before the tantalizing tickle of gossip reached her finely tuned ear, a name she recollected with far too much fondness flickering inside it.

"I still can't believe Weasley won the house cup," a young voice was droning.

"I know, who'd have thought he would have won it for Gryffindor?" another said a little more high pitched than the first.

Weasley the Captain halted her movements, whipping around to find two girls and a boy doused in the grey and black of school dress murmuring on.

"Hey have you seen their new joke shop?" the boy asked.

A joke shop, those two scoundrels she snickered to herself, still standing in place.

She swung around with a grace only those who are prepared to pounce are blessed with, picked up an apple from a passing barrel, gave it a shine on her coat, and intercepted the small herd.

"A new joke shop you say?" she asked grinning with a certain wildness she knew startled people.

"Yeah," one of the girls answered nasally, "Um, were we talking to you?"

She glared at them as if to rebut when she recognized the patch on their cloaks.

"Students," she smiled in amusement, "Didn't quite finish meself."

The group glanced amongst themselves nervously as the sly Captain took a bite of her apple. She swallowed loudly glaring at them hard.

"You lot go to Hogwarts?" she asked sticking her other hand in one of her pockets as she took yet another bite of her apple.

"Yeah, what's it to you?" the boy from the group retorted feeling more than a little uncomfortable being interrogated by a female who looked as if she could rip the head off a hippogriff should the idea strike her fancy.

She grinned wide at the lack of manners.

"It just so happens that I've been offered a job there. It would be wise of you to take that into consideration before subjecting me to anymore of your distain," she snarled spitting a seed at them.

"Right," one said skeptically, jumping back at the gesture.

"So like I said I heard that there's a new joke shop up and running around here somewhere," the Captain added again.

"Yeah…" another said annoyed.

"Well, where is it?" she asked, now agitated that her hints hadn't been taken and answered.

"Give me one good reason as to why I should tell you anything," the same boy stated boldly.

The Captain glared at them, venom dripping from each sapphire iris warningly.

"Do you know what pirates do when a scab disrespects their superiors?" she asked calmly.

"My gods haven't you gotten a clue yet? Does it look like we care?" one of the girls added irritably.

Before she could answer the Captain's temper had gotten the best of her, she pulled out her dagger and pointed it alarmingly close to the young girl's face backing her against the alley wall.

"We cut out their tongues," she hissed at them.

"What's going on here?" an agonizingly familiar voice interjected.

The Captain swung around irritably, pausing in almost relief when she recognized the blonde haired, snake caned old employer of hers.

"Why if it isn't ole Lucius Malfoy, never would have expected to run into you here," she grinned rather surprised.

"Bayridge, well haven't you grown," he commented crudely, "The correctional facility was kind to you it seems."

"Aye, I suppose, not much to do there except read and exercise. But yes where's your little slime ball?" she asked.

"Draco," he summoned.

"Yes father?" came the reply.

"You remember Bayridge…" he explained.

"It's Captain…my, my, he looks just like you Malfoy," she commented with a sneer.

"Yes, yes he does," Lucius replied looking her over with disgust.

She circled Draco twice, lifting his chin and inspecting him.

"Hmm, he wouldn't make a half bad cabin boy, another pair of hands round the ship would do us some good," she commented.

"He's staying right where he is, Captain," Lucius replied, tapping the back of her hand harshly in rejection.

"Well I sppose I'm done harassing these…poor excuses for witches and wizards…little better than deck swabs…no manners…and they still didn't give me my directions," she growled.

"Well then I guess you'll be on your way then won't you?" Lucius replied.

"Aye, I expect I will…but you and I need to catch up," she added grinning at him mystically.

"Yes, I suppose we do," he answered, "and your joke shop, that would be Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, Captain."

"Good day to you then," the Captain bowed placing the half-eaten apple on the head of the girl, who was still backed up to the wall, and jamming the dagger into the middle of it, "Next time remember to hold your tongue…or lose it."

The girl looked at her in horror as the baggy clothed monstrosity left walking proudly in the opposite direction.

XXX XXX XXX

"Wow, it sure is crowded," Hermione commented as they approached the shop.

"Yeah, George said they were up to their necks in customers," Ron added with a smile.

"Shall we have a look then?" Harry asked.

"Sure."

The three entered the shop briefly. The place was so full of people you could barely see your own two feet. Harry actually spotted an open pocket of space but was shoved back by a group of 3rd years. They finally decided that the shop was too crowded to be in and left reluctantly. Standing outside the shop they looked in at the demanding swarm.

The Captain peered around the corner onto the particularly empty stoop of a rather crowded store. Outside stood three perfectly harmless looking teens, all looking through the window in disappointment.

"S'cuse me but is this Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes?" she asked gliding around out of the alley.

"Yeah, but it's a bit packed right now," Harry replied not bothering to look at her.

"Aye so it is," the Captain bit her bottom lip and glanced in, "but you know that can be remedied."

The three looked at her questioningly.

"I'm Captain Bayridge…of the Chaos," she introduced herself, sticking out her fingerless gloved hand to shake.

"Hermione Granger, pleasure," Hermione replied hesitantly.

"I'm sure," the Captain replied eyeing her in annoyance.

"So, Captain, what is it that interests you about this particular shop?" Hermione questioned folding her arms.

"Well, you see I'm quite found of tinker tot type things and I heard this was the best place to acquire such entertainment," the Captain replied, fidgeting with something in one of her many pockets that began to play a quiet musical tune, "not to mention the owners are some, old friends shall we say…"

"Oh really?" Ron interrupted.

"Aye, really," she replied, "And you are?"

"Ron Weasley, Fred and George's younger brother," he stated.

"Ron eh?" she asked shining a small something she'd pulled out of another pocket with a rather dirty handkerchief.

"Yeah," he answered raising a brow at her.

"Bet you don't remember me, what with my new position I don't quite look the same," the Captain explained smiling.

She wound the object in her hand twice before returning it to its pocket and removing her hat so that her dirty blonde hair fell down to the small of her back. Her skin was well tanned and muddy looking, smudged here and there with dirt of some kind. Her eyes blazed a royal, seaworthy blue against the rest of her rather dark appearance complimented only again by a strikingly white smile that played along the line of devilish and outrageously enchanting.

"Remember me now?" she asked turning once.

"No, I'm afraid I don't…sorry," Ron replied sheepishly.

A look of disappointment lingered along her eyes as she approached him and took him by the arm in one swift motion, "Well then maybe your brother's will remember, let's have a look see shall we."

The Captain dragged Ron into the shop as Harry and Hermione quickly followed, fearful of losing their comrade to the eccentric teen. Loud screams shrouded the shop, as Fred and George tried to shush them. The Captain cleared her throat once loudly as if trying to gain the attention of the entire store, but no one faltered.

"Excuse me!" the Captain attempted again more boisterously.

The third years from before turned to stare at her in curiosity. The Captain looked around a little more frustrated now as she reached into her belt and pulled out a twisted looking pistol.

"What are you going to do with that?" Hermione whispered pulling her hand down.

"I'm gunna get their attention…dun worry s'not loaded," she said pointing the pistol in the air agitated by the authoritative touch she'd just received.

BANG! BANG! Two shots exploded from the end of her gun as she lowered it.

"Damn kids," she mumbled out loud.

Hermione rolled her eyes as the crowd finally turned their angry, frightened stares to the Captain.

"Alright everyone clear a path!" she bellowed.

"You have to wait in line just like everyone else Missy, you can't just come barging in here like you own the place," a very disgruntled 6th year, Harry, Ron and Hermione recognized as Dean Thomas stepped in front of her.

The Captain looked at him a brow raised as if in confusion as to why the child was questioning her word. She looked him up and down and advanced on him until her body was only a few inches from his. Placing the end of the pistol under his chin she scowled in his face.

"Come again?" she said, "I believe I'm the one with the explosive."

Dean pursed his lips and glowered at her, "Well it just so happens you're not the only one with a weapon," he said reaching for his wand but in turn having it snatched form his fingertips in a freakishly fluid swipe.

"Ah, ah, ah," the Captain prevented, snapping the wand with incredible speed as she pulled it from his reach, not breaking eye contact once.

"Ok now tell me again who the one with the weapon is," she adjusted grinning. Dean's eyes grew to the size of saucers, as did several closer bystanders, "That was mahogany!"

"And now its firewood," the Captain sneered pushing past him.

Slowly a part was becoming visible in the throng. The Captain sheathed her pistol imitation and strode toward the front desk of the shop, when she came to realize it was unmanned. Harry, Ron, and Hermione followed her up to the front and also looked around for the two owners as the familiar buzz of the rest of the occupants of the store were starting to refill their ears.

"Blast these boys," the Captain cursed, jumping over the counter with a skillful leap, and landing loudly on the other side as her boots smacked the creaky floor.

"You know you could have just lifted the…"

"Stuff it Ms. Priss," the Captain snapped entering through into the back room as the three followed, Hermione now thoroughly insulted and silently furious.

"Fred, George?" Ron summoned with a half-frightened squeak.

Some laughs and mumbles could be heard from deep in the back of the second room of the store. Ron called again.

"Oi, Ron is that you?" Fred answered peering from behind a shelf.

"Yeah, hey we were in Diagon All…"

"Good Merlin you've grown," she said as Fred's face was fully lit by the small amount of light in the back room.

"Fred, who's that, is it Ron, how'd he get back here?" George complained as he too made his way into their presence.

"Nah, it's just a girl."

"A really hot girl…" George commented as he came to stand next to his brother, and flushed as he realized how loudly he'd made that statement.

The Captain grinned and blushed slightly.

"Yeah, she said she's an old friend of the family but I don't remember her," Ron explained sticking his hands in his pockets, "Her names Captain Bayridge…of the Chaos?"

"Well I lived with you for five years of my life I should have hoped you'd remember me but obviously my hoping was in vain," the Captain added defensively breaking from her astonished gaze.

Fred and George looked at each other in question at this.

"Can't be," George stated.

"We haven't seen her in over eight years," Fred whispered back.

"Well I am!" she interrupted loudly over their privatized conversation, "So you do remember me? Even though I look nothing like I used to…and my going pirate and all I didn't think you'd believe anything a pirate would say."

"Do you have any proof?" George asked.

"Proof?" she asked in disbelief, "What? You don't believe I'm her?"

"No," the two said plainly.

"We're not so stupid as to believe anything a 'Pirate' says…not to mention the way you're talking in third person seems a little suspicious to me," Fred added mockingly.

"Obviously one of your customers wasn't as well educated," she replied sarcastically casting them a charming smile.

"Well the smile looks a little familiar but other than that I don't see how she could be her," Fred whispered again.

The Captain smiled again, looking them dead in the eyes, her smile now turning into a mischievous beam.

"Aye well I guess I'll just leave then," the Captain commented turning toward the door.

Fred and George looked at each other curiously when they heard the word that changed their minds.

"Draw!"

Instantly, a bang louder than the Captain's pistol sent all six spinning in different directions. A moments silence was broken as the twins laugher could be heard just behind a large box of extendable ears.

"Fred, it is her!" George squealed in a high pitch voice from a shelf he had landed on, several moments later.

"Well who'd you think it was you asses?" the Captain also squeaked in a high pitched voice from her shelf on the opposite side of the room.

"What's going on?" Ron demanded from behind a trunk of garroting gas.

"Ron, its Morgan!" Fred shouted now waving putrid green smoke from his face.

"What were those?" Hermione gasped, "What's wrong with my voice?"

"They were the last of our Helium Dung Bombs," the Captain commented jumping from her shelf and landing noisily as the many items she was burdened with jingled.

"Helium Dung Bombs?" Harry mumbled to himself.

"Yeah, they were great fun back way when we were kids," she added smiling.

"How and what are you doing here?" George finally asked, embracing her tightly.

"On duty I'm afraid," she sighed smiling brightly.

"On duty?" Fred asked also hugging her.

Captain Bayridge took a few steps backward and stood, arms spread for them to look at her. The twins merely smiled and tried to cover up their snorting.

"You look like a bum," George chuckled through the awkward silence.

She playfully punched him. Fiddling with her pockets for a few moments she finally came upon a small object which she put into her mouth and blew into, making a high whistle.

The six stepped out of the small back room and reentered the shop where a group of all sizes and shapes were pushing through the doors, rudely past customers and up to the counter. Tall, short, skinny, muscled, pretty, you name it they were in cramming their way into the shop, and all women. Twenty three all together Harry counted to himself, gazing in disbelief. Twenty three of the oddest looking throng of people Harry had seen since his first visit into Diagon Alley five years ago.

"Aye Captain, you rang?" a green-eyed, attractive girl asked with a slight bow.

"That I did, Charlie," the Captain replied with a bow in response.

"Morgan, who are all these…" Fred paused as two taller women glared at him viciously, "people."

The Captain shuddered at her name as the swarm chuckled softly.

"Oh very funny you all, and that'll be a deck swabbing for all of you!" she reprimanded.

A moan of disappointment silenced the crowd.

"It's Captain Fred," she added glancing at Hermione who was trying to keep away from a shorter, older woman examining her sweater, "This is my crew…and a magnificent one they are, I've had 'em since I was 8 and've been addin' on ever since. Charlie here's my first mate, hasn't let me down in the 9 years she's been with me."

Charlie stepped forward and greeted both Fred and George with overly firm handshakes then turned to Harry, Ron and Hermione and grinned.

"These for us Captain?" she asked excitedly eyeing the trio with excitement.

"No, Charlie they're friends, you remember Ron I told you about."

"Oh, he's the red headed one righ'," she interrupted, taking his hand and shaking it.

"'E comin' with us?" Charlie questioned inspecting him, as the Captain had Malfoy, "Kinda scrawny, but he is cute."

Ron's ears brightened, as she lifted his chin then taking both her hands and cupping his face, looked dead into his eyes and smiled.

"He certainly is not!" Fred protested defensively.

"Of course 'e isn't," Captain reassured them hastily.

Charlie gave a look of disappointment, but winked flirtatiously at Ron as Hermione gripped his bicep nervously.

"What are the orders Captain?"

"Enjoy yourselves until further notice," the Captain grinned proudly.

A roar exploded among the crowd making the store jump.

"And as for you," the Captain turned to Ron, Harry, and Hermione, "I need directions to Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"Why?" Hermione questioned.

"You're looking at the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor," she gleamed.