Billy Goats Gruff: The Fourth Goat

Chapter 1: The Nightmare Begins

Just another day in the valley, a valley that is covered with rich and dense grass, which lay next to a fresh water reservoir. The valley is surrounded by giant mountains, glazed with a layer of ice, stretching for miles on end. All on an island, isolated for thousands of years. Creation has evolved in its own unique ways, except for me.

"Hi I'm Humphrey the goat."

I live with my small family, Sister 'bitch' Humphrey, the smallest Humphrey, Momma Humphrey, my Rastafarian mother and Daddy Humphrey, the biggest fat piece of shit in the crowd.

"I'm on my way for my daily dose of bitty (breast milk)"

In a Rastafarian accent momma Humphrey says

"Yo bumbaclart com gets ya bitty before I make you into a curried goat."

"Coming momma, your bitty is so good it's like it's doing karate on my taste buds."

That's momma Humphrey, her wool is a lumpy brownish colour, mainly because she rolls in her own feces. It's a personal hobby. She went insane, now she just rambles on telling me about my destiny, her ancestors were witch doctors or some shit like that.

Sister Humphrey is the bitch of the crowd, she's always stealing my share of the bitty and because she's the youngest momma Humphrey lets her have it. She's always sucking up to her saying things like

"Yo momma your bitty's so sweet and spicy, its swicy."

Now that I have told you about my background and my bullshit family, it is time to inform you of the day my world got turned upside down. It all started when I was going for my breakfast, lush green grass sprinkled with my very own salad dressing, piss. Momma told me not to go past the crooked tree, but me being a testosterone filled tit wank I went past, the worst decision of my life. As I filled my one ton stomach, behind me the most deafening sound I had ever heard, it was like a rupture in the sky. The sound was so intense and powerful I was lifted of my feet, I was thrown forward, straight into a pile of sister 'bitch' Humphreys reeking shit. I turned to see my family all back-to-back surrounded by a ring of fire. From the forest behind them came a giant black and dense cloud of smoke, swallowing all the trees as it past. As the cloud engulfed the family, only their outlines could be seen. A vast bolt of electricity shot down to earth in a fiery blaze. As the sky illuminated a figure drifted down, like a creature from the heavens. I was at least 100 meters away from them; I sprinted towards them as fast as my hooves could take me. There was a sudden pause and spontaneously there was a flash of light. All was gone. As the smoke vanished into the air all I could see was a huge chunk of earth missing, it was where they were standing.

I now know what my destiny is, I am the fourth goat.

This is my destiny, my journey and my ever lasting legacy.