Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Merlin (c) is owned by its respected writers, producers etc.. I only own the plot and crappy attempt on my English vocabulary. TT);
AN: I re-read the story and I think I've made a mistake about Merlin's father, so... I tweaked it a little bit but nothing too major. I promise. 2nd chap is still in on the works though sorry. (TT^TT)
Morgana POV
I was just walking out of Starbucks with a cup in my hand, when suddenly; I saw a very familiar figure just across the street. I saw the one person I thought I'd never see again.
"Merlin" I muttered in shock.
I can't believe it! Why now? Bloody Hell! I frantically looked sideways, looking for a place to hide. Oh dear Lord! I hope he doesn't see me. I hope he doesn't see m–!
"Morgana!" Bollocks! I need to compose myself. He doesn't need to see me panicking like a headless chicken. If Arthur could see me now, oh he'll laugh his arse off the floor. Bloody Git!
"Oh! Hi Merlin!" he smiled that oh so adorable, charming goofy smile of his. I could feel myself melt with just his smile. Snap out of it Morgana Pendragon! Don't you dare lose it now! Don't show him you're still in lo–! No! No! No!
"Morgana? Morgana!" I snapped out of my reverie. "W-what? I'm sorry. Did you say something?" I stuttered in response.
"Are you ok?" he asked me concern laced in his voice.
Oh his ears are so ado– Snap out of it Morgana! Don't you dare show him your weakness, don't focus on it! Think happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. Me and Morgause ganging up on Arthur. Hmm... Not a bad idea.
"Yes, I'm fine Merlin." I smiled to reassure him.
"Are you sure?" I nodded
"Well if you're sure."
"Absolutely"
"As I was saying before, if you don't mind, I'd like to catch up a bit. You know, for old times' sake." He sheepishly said while rubbing the back of his neck. I couldn't help but look back at the past. Memories came rushing back in my head.
Flashback
"Hey Morgs!" I spun around and saw my best friend, and secret crush, Merlin.
"Hey back at you too!" I smiled at him with my braced mouth. Something my twat of a twin brother, Arthur, won't stop teasing me about it, both my crush on Merlin and my braces. One of these days I'll have my revenge!
"Mwahahahaha!"
"Are you feeling well, Morgana?" I stopped laughing. Wait. Laughing?
"Err…. I just laughed out loud didn't I?" I asked nervously.
"Yeah… but it's cool. So…. Morgana…. We've been friends since we were kids right?" I looked at him oddly, wait a bloody minute. Does this mean–?
"Yes, since kindergarten actually; It's you, me, Gwen, Artie-Prat, Percy, Leon, Gwaine, Elyan and Lancelot. Why?" He blushed at that. His ears are also red. So cute!
"Y-yeah. And we can tell each other anything right?" he looks at me nervously. No way. No way! He likes m–!
"I was thinking of…. confessing to Freya." And my world came crashing down.
"And I really, really need your advice. I can't ask anyone else, most specially Arthur; he'll rub it in my face. I can't ask Gwaine, because he'll tell the others, and you know what a disaster it'll be. Lancelot's out too. He's still pining for Gwen. Automatically, Gwen's out of the question. Percy, well…. I don't think he's the type of guy for this. And so does Leon and Elyan. Please Morgs! You're my only hope!" Merlin took both my hands to his chest and looked at me with those blue eyes of his. Like I'm the one he's confessing to. I gulped hard. I looked around the place, it's a good thing were in an isolated area. No people in sight. No people to assume we are having a special moment. I don't mind that. But I don't know about Merlin. My chest feels so tight that I almost can't breathe. My heart feels so heavy. Why can't it be me? Why can't it be? I sigh deeply and pushed aside my feelings. I willed myself not to cry.
"Okay. I'll help you." He smiled and hugged me tight. He breathed a "Thank you". I hugged him in return.
"So, when do we start?" he let go of me and smiled the smile I longed to see. I smiled back. But inside I could feel my heart shatter even more.
"Tomorrow! Oh and Morgana? Thank you. You're the best." With that he ran off waving goodbye.
As soon as he's out of sight, I broke down and cried. All my dreams that I imagined my life with him together shatter into tiny pieces right in front of me. I loved him so badly; I've loved him so much. I called my Morgause saying I needed a lift home. Usually, I just walked home alone since it's just a few blocks away. But now, I need someone to cry on. I could call Gwen, but... She'd tell Arthur, and it'll be a mess. I loved Gwen like a sister but in this case, I think Morgause would help me more. I waited at the school gate. It's a good thing that today is the last day of the week. I could go home early and just let myself wallow in pain in my PJs, a jar of Nutella and a dash of ABBA. Sigh. A light green VW Bug stopped in front of me. Morgause got out of the car and walked to me.
"Morgana, it's ok. It's going to be okay." She ushered me inside her car.
"Tell me what happened to you Morgs. Don't you dare spare any details, you hear me." She told me as soon as she started the car. I told her all about what happened pausing every now and then for the occasional blowing of the nose. She listened to me as I narrate it all, saying soothing words every now and then.
This is what I loved about Morgause. My older sister; She's always there for us. Ever since Mama died, she's become the 'Mother' of our family. She's always there for us. She became our main emotional support. Papa's always busy because he's the head senior associate in his law firm. He loves us, I know he does. He deeply does. As he is the only breadwinner of the family, he almost always worked day and night. So Morgause is the only one who looks after us. She guided me towards the kitchen and made hot chocolate for the both of us.
"What should I do Sis? I really love him." I cried as she gave me the hot chocolate.
"I could tell you to just forget about him altogether but I know you can't. You've known each other almost your whole lives. To be bloody honest, I'm stuck. But let me tell you this one thing though, you're beautiful Morgana. And you're still young! You're only, what? 15?" She told me this while wiping the tears in my eyes. I smiled at her sadly. I know she's trying to cheer me up, it did work. Sort of, but I still feel awful.
"Normally I would say 'bloody prick' or 'what a wanker' but, I know he isn't. He's a good guy, only oblivious to his surroundings. You deserve better. He's a good guy, but not you're kind-of-good guy. I'm sorry. I think that he's just not for you. You'll meet that guy someday Morgs. That one special guy;" She re-assured me and then we hugged each other afterwards, having a comfortable silence for a few moments.
After sharing a moment, I took the Nutella in the cupboard and I also took a spoon with me. She snorted and then shook her head knowingly. I smiled and had gone straight to my room. There, I slipped on my PJs and played ABBA. For until dinner, that is. During dinner, I act as if I wasn't heartbroken. Papa knew that I fancy Merlin, and he's cool with that. So that's why he and Artie-Prat tagged team on teasing me about him. Ugh. It's a good thing Morgause kept quiet about the whole thing and lectured both Papa and Arthur. I laughed and the three of them stopped for a moment and then laughed along with me.
Before going to sleep, I've made up my mind. I'll help Merlin no matter what; I'll help him win the heart of this-this… F-R-E-Y-A. The girl's a good gal, and she's, well, the exact opposite of me. I know it's useless and I'm being a martyr. Hello? I'm Morgana Bloody Pendragon. I'm supposed to be vicious and cunning. Not saint-like, self-sacrificing type of girl. I don't do that. I bloody hate those types of people, and yet I'm being one right now. Even if I had these god-forsaken braces, nobody, and I meant NOBODY, messes with me. ARGH!
And so, I helped him with his-his… ARGH! I can't say it! F-R-E-Y-A. There. I said it. On the first day or rather the next day after the 'Nutella/ABBA Fiasco' as Morgause coined it, we met at the usual place we both go; to our very own secret place, the place where I first met him. The swing in the old playground in the neighbourhood, unfortunately, it won't be our own special place for long. Sigh. We've been neighbors for years. Both our parents are friends. Our fathers are college room-mates, while our mothers are childhood friends. So yeah. This is it. I now resign to my fate. DAMN YOU GOD! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!? Ahem.
"Hey Merlin!" I waved and smiled at him as he approached me. A little flirting won't hurt isn't it? And besides, they're not together. Yet. I'm not desperate or anything. No. I'm just being fair. Like the saying goes, 'All's fair in love and war.' This is both about love AND war. I'm just doing a head start.
Flashback Ends
"I'm so sorry Merlin. Maybe next time. I have uh, a meeting yes! A very important meeting!" He looked at me skeptically with an eyebrow raised. He knew me so well. Very smooth Pendragon. Very smooth.
"Ok. Uh… if you're free, call me ok? Here's my number." he gave me his calling card and made a 'call me' hand sign.
"Sure thing" After that I quickly walked away and before turning around, I think saw a flicker of sadness in his eyes. Is that possible? Nah. Impossible. Besides, I think he's still with that-that. I still can't say it? It's been what? 10 years Morgana! Snap out of it! You're a mature and sophisticated 25-year old pro photographer. I slapped myself lightly with my free hand, and then shook my head. I drank all of my coffee, which is on the verge of getting cold, and simultaneously dump the cup in the nearby trash and ran on the way to my flat as my 6 inch Prada could carry.
After entering my flat, I heaved a deep sigh and took off my shoes (stilettos, mind you). I took a deep breath, and ran around while yelling like a headless chicken. It's a good thing my flat is quite big and sound proof. It's a little expensive but what the bloody hell, it paid off. I continued running (and yelling) around that I accidentally ran on the wall. Oof! Ouch. That hurt. My head. I heard laughing, I looked to my right.
"Oh. The Royal Arse and his merry men." I stood up, using the aforementioned wall as support in one hand and nursing my head in the other.
"HEY!"
"Ahahahaha! Good one Mate!"
"Are you sure you're alright Morgs?"
"Here let me help you."
"Take her here."
"Percy, Lance would you both mind take a glass of water and a bag of ice for her?"
"Where's the kitchen?"
"Go straight and then go left."
Both Leon and Elyan helped me get on my couch, while Gwen guided them. "Hey Ice Queen, how many fingers do you see?" I glared at Arthur.
"Two. You bloody prick. Ow!" I hit the wall pretty hard.
"Arthur quit it!" Gwen scolded her husband. Oh. I didn't mention it, have I? They're married for 2 years now. Gwen is about 6 months pregnant now, I think. It's their first one. I'm the only Pendragon left that isn't married. Morgause already had her own family. She and her husband, Cenred has Mor-mor, who is 4 years old now.
"Here" Percy handed me a glass of water and a bag of ice. I held the bag on top of my head while drinking.
"So, why are you all here? There's no way you're here just to say hi. Simultaneously. So spill. Gwaine, you go first." I shot all of them a look and unsurprisingly, they couldn't look at me in the eye. Only Gwaine didn't, that's why he's first.
"Well, Icey –" I shot him a glare. He faltered and his cocky grin turned into a nervous one. Oh God. I forgot how much of a chatterbox Gwaine is. I growled at him and waved my hand off for him to continue.
"Ahem. Yeah. Bad word. Not saying anymore. Zip. Under lock and key. Forbidden word. Bad prefere–"
"Just go straight to the fucking point already!" I saw him gulped. I smirked.
"Ok. H-he's back." I saw all of them groaned at Gwaine.
"I know. I ran on to him at Starbucks earlier." Everybody whipped their head at me.
"Ouch! My neck…." I heard Elyan muttered.
Everybody went silent for a moment, processing what I just said. "So you met him already?" Leon said.
It was more of a statement rather than a question. "Yes. Yes, I did."
By now, everybody is looking at me in awe. I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing. I just kept quiet and looked all of them in the eye. Trying to decipher what the other knows. It went on for about, 5 minutes.
"Ok. This is getting creepy and boring. So Ice Queen, did something special happened?" I shot a glare at him. He didn't flinch. His posture is still the same. The cocky grin and know-it-all stance is still there. Damn, I'm getting rusty.
"First, it's Morgana. And second, nothing happened. Though I wish it did." I looked at him in annoyance and murmured the last part.
"What was that? Did you hear that Gwaine? I think I heard dismay in her voice." Arthur you bloody git! Gwaine's eyes lit up and looked at Arthur in agreement with thumbs up no less.
I grit my teeth in annoyance. Noticing my mood, Gwen, Percy and Leon tried to pacify me. Key word: Tried. Whereas Lance and Elyan were trying to stop both Gwaine and Arthur from annoying me, it didn't bloody work.
"Merlin and Ice Queen sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G." both Gwaine and Arthur taunted me with Gwaine wiggling his eyebrows. I took my throw pillows and then threw it at both of them.
"Arthur! Gwaine! Stop it already!"Percy bellowed. We all looked at him in shock. The normally quiet guy bellowed. Bellowed! Percy snorted in laughter. Everyone looked at him and then burst in laughter. I have never laughed so hard like this ever since – Merlin. After that, we spent a good few hours reminiscing our childhood, laughing and drinking a few beers, or in Gwen's case, an apple juice. After that, they all go on their separate ways home.
Before going home, Arthur approached me. "Morgana" I looked at him in surprise. He never calls me by my name; it's always been 'Ice Queen'. He only calls me by my name if it's something serious.
"Look, I may be a bit of a prick." My eyebrow automatically arched.
"Ok, a lot. What I mean is, well, I want you to be happy. I'm not good at this, so bear with me."
"Ok Arthur"
"Give Love a second try. God knows you need it."
"Are you insinuating I'm going to be a spinster?" I looked at him in horror.
"That's not it! I know you love him. And you still do." I was about to retaliate but he cut me off.
"I know you. You're my twin, my sister. I care about you Morgana. Morgause and I do. If she were here now, I bet she'd drag your silly little arse all the way to Merlin's flat herself. Just admit that you bloody loved him since we were kids. Always have and always will be. " He looked me in the eye.
"Did you think I didn't try? Arthur. I know you care. I love you. But I don't want another heart ache. Once is enough already." I didn't realize that tears flown down my face.
"Oh my, I'm crying again. Ah. Sniff. Just leave me alone for now. I need to recollect myself. Don't worry Artie-Prat." He suddenly hugged me. I cried in his arms.
"Thank you Arthur."
That night is another 'Nutella/ABBA Fiasco' night. I ate 5 jars of Nutella, a new record for me. And I sang almost all of the ABBA songs I know. But Mamma Mia is on repeat all night long.
"Just one look,
And I can hear a bell ring.
One more look,
And I forget everything"
The lyrics couldn't get anymore exact.
The next morning, I decided I'll take a short break from my job to re-think about what Arthur said to me last night. A good thing I'm the self-employed type. I smirk.
And so, the first thing I did was jog around the neighborhood. It calms me down. Hopefully. I need to come up with strategies, plans, back-up plans in case something goes awry. If you know what I mean; after jogging a few yards, I stopped over on a nearby water fountain. Have to quench the old girl's thirst after all.
What I didn't know was he was there as well. What's he doing here? How can be so stupid!? He's here! I should've known! I saw a glimpse of him not far from me. He hasn't noticed me yet. Good. I hid on a nearby tree.
I saw him looking sideways as if trying to find something… or someone. Who could that be? I narrowed my eyes and moved a little closer to where he is. He turned around. I quickly hid on the nearby bushes. I feel like a total idiot. Why am I doing this? Oh yeah. I'm still in love with him. Damn. I shouldn't be doing this. Maybe I should take Nimueh's offer and take that blind–
"Where is she?"
Date? Wait. Who where what? Who's he talking about? Who's that girl? Why I oughtta–!
"Morgs, what are you doing there in the bushes?"
Huh?
"Morgana?"
"I... was… stretching! Yes stretching!" to prove my point, I stretched my arms.
"In the bushes?" He looked with an eyebrow raised.
"Uh… yeah… it's a… uh… it's a new method. I've seen it while I was online. It's a very effective method. It burns cellulites in your arms!" That's so pathetic Morgana Pendragon.
He gave me a look and then shrugged his shoulders. I inwardly heaved a sigh. Good. Thank the Lord he bought that.
"Well, since…. we saw each other again, would you mind… catching up? You know, for the years we haven't seen each other. The last time I saw you, it was on Arthur and Gwen's wedding. But then again, I just saw a glimpse of you." He said that to me as he looked to me straight in the eye. Is it me or did I see a glint of desperation? Either way it's only for a split second anyways.
"Sure. I guess. I'm free. So, where are we going?" he smiled at me.
"Let's see… it's about… a quarter to 11. What do say about an early lunch? It's on me." He smiled his goofy smile at me. I couldn't help but smile back.
"Ok. Where?"
"I know the perfect place come on, follow me." With that he took my hand in his. Now that I'm closer to him, I could now look at him. Really look at him. His shoulders are broader; his arms have more muscle but nowhere near as muscular as the others (i.e. Arthur, Gwaine, Percival, Elyan, Leon and Lance); when I heard his voice, it was deeper, more masculine. His face, more chiseled than before. I'm just…. Is he still with that girl? That Freya? Or are they not together anymore? Is he still in love with her?
I pushed back the lump I feel forming on my throat. I also pushed back the pain I feel in my chest. He's with me now. Not with her. Not anyone. He's with me. Even if it's only for catching up after all this years, I should just focus on that.
"Here we are."
I looked over his shoulders and saw the place where he dragged me to. I was shocked. You have GOT to be KIDDING me. It's the little café that we both used to go when we were teenagers. The place where I realized I was falling in love with him and to have my heart break to tiny pieces at the same time. I gulped.
"Brings back memories eh? We used to go here before."
I just nodded in agreement. I'm still in shock.
"Let's sit over there." pointing the spot where we used to seat.
Oh God. Why are you torturing me so? I need support! I need Gwen! Anyone! A-ha!
"Merlin, do you mind if I go to the toilet for a while? I'm a bit sweaty."
"Sure no problem, I'll go order the food. The usual, right?"
"Yeah. Thank you Merlin." as soon as I said that I ran walked towards the toilet.
Once I got there, I looked at the mirror first and fixed my overall appearance (i.e. face and hair.) what? Girls' ought to be pretty aren't they? After making myself look presentable and not some wild jungle girl, I took my cell from my belt bag and called up Gwen.
"Please pick up. Please pick up Gwen!" I paced at the toilet place, ignoring the looks the women here are giving me.
"Come on, please Gwen. Pick up." I started to jump up and down while shaking my other free hand.
"Hello?" Yes!
"Gwen! Thank God you answered the phone!"
"Never thought you had the hots for me Icey." What the hell?
"Gwaine? Why do you have Gwen's phone? And no, I am not attracted to people with motor mouths."
"Ouch! You hurt me so, Ice Queen. But still, I may have a motor mouth like you oh so imply Icey, but you have to admit I have sexy lips. A lot of hot mamas can attest to that."
"I don't know but I don't want to find out." I deadpanned and looked at my phone in disgust.
"So Icey, why are you trying to reach Esmeralda?" Do I really need to answer him? He may be an idiot but still, he's a good friend and he may be an annoying git, he'll listen to me.
"I need advice about…. Merlin…." I muttered the last part.
"Merlin? Good for you Icey! So you're both doing the nasty?"
"Gwaine, you're lucky you're not here now, or so help me God I'm going to wring your neck until you're purple and kick you where the sun doesn't shine in high heaven!"
"Ooh! I'm scared! But I'm not with you right now, physically at least so yeah, you can't touch me! You can't do anything!"
"May I remind you that I'm your next door neighbor? So, I could do that to you anytime."
"Ugh. What is it with you Pendragons having the need to torture people? I already have Arthur as my co-lawyer in our firm, and now you want to kill me? What did I do to deserve this fate?"
"Stop it Gwaine. It's creepy. It always makes me wonder how on earth you became a barrister. It's one of the unexplainable phenomena on the Earth; and to answer your question, just look at your-bloody-self on the mirror, you'll know the answer; We Pendragons are not like that."
"I know I'm a God-sent hot Adonis. No need to flatter me."
"You–! Argh! Whatever! Are you going to help me or not?"
"No need to have your knickers twisted in a bunch Icey. Of course I'll help you!"
"Well, get on with it!"
"Chill out, chill Icey. What's the situation anyways?"
"Well, right now, we're in the Rising Sun Café and –"
"Wait. Isn't that where he–"
"Yup"
"The place where they became a–"
"Uh-huh"
"And the place where you saw them–"
"Yeah"
"Oh"
"Oh yes. Oh."
"Ouch! It must be awkward huh?"
"Yeah"
"So that's why you need Esmeralda. You really need all the help you can get."
"May I remind you, you volunteered just a moment ago to help me? Gwaine focus! I'm already embarrassed enough as it is. I feel like I'm an awkward, insecure teenager again. I'm 25 years old for fuck's sake! I shouldn't be like this!"
"Insecure? Icey, I've known you for a very long time, heck! I've known you almost all my life! There's no way you're insecure! When we we're teens, insecure and you do not mix together well. You've always been bossy, over-confident, sarcastic, nagging all the time to me and Arthur, cold and calculative, so cold that I and Arthur called you Ice Queen. You also have a very dry sense of humor, you're always serious! But you have a good heart, Icey. Despite your… uniqueness, you're you. I think Merlin wouldn't have you in any other way. Act natural Icey, you'll get by. And besides, you both deserve each other just like how Arthur and Esmeralda deserved one another. Lance's fine with it now. It took him years but he accepted it now. Hell, he already proposed to his long-time girl, remember? Percy, didn't we all thought he'll never have a girl in his life and that he'll be a monk? Well, now he isn't. He's already courting his co-worker at his work and from what I've heard and seen, they're together now; Leon? The bloke has his twins with him so he'll be fine. Although it's a big loss for him when he lost the mother of his kids in childbirth, but still, he loved his kids so he'll be okay. And your sister, Morgause? She has Cenred and has their little guy, Mordred. Yours truly? I'm still trying to find the right girl for me, but I'll get by. But you? Icey, this is your only chance at happiness. Grab it. "
For once, I'm speechless to what Gwaine had said. He has a point.
"Thanks Gwaine. That's all I needed to hear."
"Sure thing, that's what mates do. Good luck!"
"Yeah, bye"
I pressed 'end call' and got out of the toilet. I took a breath and walked towards our table. I saw Merlin saw me and slightly waved his arm at me with a grin.
"Took you long enough, the food's here Morgana; let's eat!" he said before biting of his hamburger.
"Well, you know us girls. We always want to look good." I took a bite at the chicken sandwich he ordered for me.
"Mmm… this still tastes divine; I haven't been here for years but the taste is pretty much the same! Still delicious! Compliments to the chef"
"Let's give a toast to Geoffrey!" he raised his apple shake and I raised my own chocolate shake for a toast. He's still the same. I smiled.
"So Morgana, how've you been this last few years?"
"Well, I'm a pro photographer and I own my studio. My work mostly consists of everyday life and nature, anything that catches my interests. And you?"
"Well, I'm a doctor, a pediatrician to be exact. I just opened my own clinic a few blocks away. Feel free to come by anytime."
"Why am I not surprised? You really followed your father huh?"
"He's a great guy. So, you're a photographer eh? Do you travel around or it's just here?"
"I sometimes travel to other places like Romania and Africa. But I was a photo journalist on my University for a few months 'till I quit."
"Why? You've always wanted to be a journalist because I quote 'I wanted to expose the corrupted and save the innocents' why the change of heart?"
"Well, let's just say me and my editor was, not in tune. We both have different views and we always head-butt each other. So… Yeah... It ended like that."
We talked about everything and anything we know. From the time when we put mud in Arthur's bag when we we're seven up and other crazy memories we've had when we were children, up until what's happening to our lives right now. I learned that Arthur asked Merlin if he would like to be one of the godfathers' of his and Gwen's first baby, of which he happily accepted. And also he was asked by Lancelot if he would like to be the best man of his wedding, again he accepted. That's Merlin to you, he really couldn't refuse any of his friends.
I clapped my hands and continued "Okay, enough about our trip to memory lane, let's move on to the personal bits. So, are you single?" I silently held my breath at this.
"At the moment, yes, I am single." It's the second time I saw a glint in his eyes, I just can't put a finger in it. "Why'd you asked Morgana? Are you single too?"
"Recently? Yes, I'm single too. I'm just curious Merlin; it's been a long time after all. I'm just curious."
"Oh. I see." There it is again, I'm getting desperate huh?
"How many girls did you have gone out with?" I know I'm digging my own grave at this. But I want to know.
"Hmmm…. Four girls in total Morgana; how about you?" he's getting serious.
"Six. All of them have either blues eyes or black hair."
"I see. Well, after Freya, all of them are brunettes and sometimes, with green eyes." He looked at me straight in the eyes, now I know what that glint is. Sadness and longing, I should've known.
"What happened to us Merlin?" I looked at him with tears in my eyes threatening to fall down.
"I don't know. You know, after I've asked her out, I never saw you again almost in the literal sense. I loved Freya but then I realized I was in love with you all along. I should've… I should've known sooner. I let you slip from my fingers. I'm so sorry. Freya, she…. Realized you were the one I am in love with all along. She broke up with me saying I should go to you. She's so selfless, so kind. She loved me so much and yet, she let me go. She said that I should follow my heart and that if I'm happy, she's happy. Morgana give me another chance, please?" he took both my hands and held it close to his chest, just like that time. His hands are now bigger, I felt so small and yet he's so gentle.
"G-give me time to think. This is so sudden, so overwhelming! I need to go" I let go of his hands and walked out of the café. I didn't even give a side glance. I just ran all the way to the old playground with tears running down my face. Why? I've always wondered why I felt like this. Why he is the one I want. Why is that, every single guy I see and went out with, all I could think about is him? I always asked myself, why is it that I'm still in loved him with after all these years? I-I don't know anymore. I want to stop it all, but I can't. Is it really inevitable?
I sat on one of the swings there. This is where I first met Merlin. Mama had just passed away that time, we were really close, Mama and I. Mama. I sniffed. I wish you were here right now. It started to rain. Huh. You're crying with me aren't you Mama? I cried and cried, until my eyes hurt, my throat so sore. I love him but I don't know anymore. I don't know what to do.
AN: I didn't notice it before. I'm so sorry!
