A long time ago, I started a humorous fic about a new student at Hogwarts who's a death metal head. I never finished it because it was quite horrible, but the idea of metal culture in HP somehow stayed with me — after all, the wizarding world seems to be stuck somewhere in the 80's, and it's the time where death metal reigned!

And so, inspired by real-world examples, I somehow came up with an idea of creating a parody: a wizarding metal band named Azkaban (of course, written with an appropriately indecipherable gothic font). This songfic is actually a collection of (appropriately cheesy) lyrics from their first album, Cacophonic Incantations — well, for now just the first half of it. This album would be something between black and death metal, with some epic and heavy thrown in for good measure.

I would like to thank J.K. Rowling (who owns the name Azkaban and other Harry Potter references that might appear here), and of course metal groups which Azkaban mocks: Asphyx, Behemoth, Dimmu Borgir, Kat, Lux Occulta, Manowar, Mörk Gryning, Therion, Vader, and similar true disciples of Satan. Hail to you all!

Rated T for content and language, it's fucking metal after all.


Side A

1. THE DARK LORD (THE AWAKENING) 3:43

2. THE SACRIFICE 4:17

3. DAYS OF THUNDER 4:01

4. AVADA KEDAVRA 3:22

5. SHREDS OF NOTHINGNESS (ballad) 6:20

6. SNAKE FROM BEYOND (THE RECRUITMENT) 4:31


THE DARK LORD (THE AWAKENING)

[instrumental]


THE SACRIFICE

Hanged by my grazed hands

Over the pool of seething blood

Where a hundred black candles burn

I felt my soul tremble and twitch

All my humanity I spat

OUT!

A thousand demons scream inside my body

They reap the fabric of reality

I hear myself speak all

All the languages of the world

Now I see

What mustn't be seen

The inevitable truth

Shadows behind the veil

I can feel their coldness

I can feel their alienation

I can hear their call

And suddenly

In a blink of a sightless eye

I am... re-bo-o-o-rn...


DAYS OF THUNDER

Thunderstruck by the Great Wild

Growling echoes in the night

Darkness' troops are to deploy

They know just one word -

- DESTROY!

Divine Riders of Seven Gates

Possessed by the Elements

The True Power, The Only One

Blood and despair on the run

Now the world is all on fire

Overpowered by the Mark

the everburning desire

Brings all things back to the Dark


AVADA KEDAVRA

The Killing Curse!

The Killing Curse!

The Killing Curse!

THE KILLING CURSE!


SHREDS OF NOTHINGNESS (ballad)

Your body, blown with the wind

Fallen leaves and dust within

In my heart, all hope lay slain...

Will your soul haunt me again?

On the lost road to nothingness

I only see my perishness

Lost for the world, lost for myself

Where only shadows dare to delve.

Please, join me in this astral void,

Among the falling asteroids,

No soul, no body, no mind at all...

To Hell together we shall fall.


SNAKE FROM BEYOND (THE RECRUITMENT)

I slither between her marble-white legs

I summon her spasmodic moans

I am the master of her body

But I am reaching for so much more

I kiss her innards with my tongue

I overwhelm all her desires

I make her beg, she's begging for more

But all of it's bound to return — to me...

Now I can taste her very soul

Now she is ready to take me inside

Her eyes are wide, she's trembling now

We are together — the snake and its prey

Tomorrow she will take a new way

Tomorrow she will be my slave

As from now on, we are one with the bond

The Witch and the Snake from Beyond.


If you people like this (or at least like to torment yourselves with this), I will complete Side B, but it depends on reception — I don't feel like doing it just for myself. So read and review, folks!