This is not an update! It's a repost because I went back and reread it and found that some things are inconsistent with later chapters! You don't have to read it again. Not much has changed, just little tweaks here and there. Sorry if I disappointed anyone!
Story Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Meyer.
Author's Note: First time I've written a chapter story in a long time. But have no fear, people! Because this story is 100% finished! That's right! So there will be none of those long hiatuses or story abandonment problems. This story is completely done and saved on my computer! YAY! I'll be updating every Wednesday, so look for new chapters around that time. This story has five chapters in all, and an epilogue as the sixth chapter. So without further ado...
Summary: Kim Winters was perfectly content to just sit and watch Jared West every day in math class. Never once did she dream that he'd actually TALK to her…
Phased - Chapter One
* * *
"… know the answer, Kimberly Winters?"
My head jerks towards the front of the room, and I feel myself go red with embarrassment. It is a typical Tuesday morning, and once again, I am daydreaming about the object of my affections, instead of paying attention in math class. To make matters worse, Jared West, the aforementioned "object", happens to be in this class. He is currently seated approximately one desk over to my left, and like me, also not paying one whit of attention to what is going on.
Mr. Nguyen is watching me with one eyebrow raised, and I shake my head slightly, returning my gaze to my desk. I hadn't been taking notes, and to my dismay, from the way I am holding my pencil, it seems I had been idly tapping on the desk again.
"Please see me at the end of the day, Miss Winters," Mr. Nguyen says, a note of disappointment in his voice.
Unfortunately, Mr. Nguyen's tone finally catches Jared West's attention, and he looks over at me, along with a few more students.
I want to sink right through the ground. But of course, it's impossible. So instead, I fight the urge to run away from the numerous amount of eyes on me, and stay focused on my piece of paper. Mr. Nguyen doesn't ask me any more questions, and I don't lift my head for the rest of the class period.
* * *
"Miss Winters, your record has been steadily declining in my class, and yet, you've refused all offers of extra help. You are aware that there is after school tutoring?"
I nod, mortified. The truth is that I had gone, once… but didn't stay. It is student tutoring. Big groups of people all helping each other. I didn't know it would be like that. Was I supposed to have gone up and just introduced myself? I cringe at the thought, again, of having so many eyes on me at one time.
Chronically shy is what my mother calls it.
"Then, I don't know what more I can do for you," Mr. Nguyen responds to my nodding. "I can't help a student who won't put in the effort to help herself. Please don't hesitate to see me, should you change your mind, and want to do something active about your grade."
What if it was one-on-one tutoring? I want to ask, but I can't make my mouth form the words. He releases me so that I can go catch my bus, and that is that.
* * *
I walk through the front door of my house, the tears that I held back on the bus ride home now threatening to spill over. Thankfully, neither my mother or father are going to be home until about an hour or so before dinnertime. It is quiet, and I am left alone in peace.
I sigh. Jared West probably thinks I am an idiot. I never know the answers in math, and Mr. Nguyen knows it. I don't know why he always sees fit to embarrass me when he knows perfectly well how likely I am to have the answer based on the number of tests I have bombed. And don't even get me started on homework.
I snort. He probably has some strange idea that embarrassing me is going to force me to act… as in, get extra help, so that his abuse will stop.
The crazy thing is that I'm not that bad at adding and numbers, and remembering formulas. What I'm bad at is concentrating on anything else besides Jared West when he's in close proximity to me. Homework wouldn't be such a problem, except that since I retain virtually nothing from the classroom, it's hard to figure out problems at home by myself.
Of course, he is extremely unaware of all of this, but Jared West is probably going to be the reason I fail math class this year.
* * *
I am exceptionally quiet during dinnertime, and my parents immediately notice. They pester me with questions about school, but I withhold information and try my best to convince them that everything is okay. I eventually get them to stop asking questions, but I'm sure they don't believe me, judging by the way they continue to exchange looks.
After dinner, I slink up to my room and do all of my homework, except the math. I don't even attempt to do the math, and I know that I will catch it from Mr. Nguyen the next day, but still I can't find the motivation. Every time I go to open my math book, all I can recall is Jared's face, and the way he looked at me today.
I am a lost cause.
* * *
The next day, I shuffle into math class with everyone else, and take my seat. Maybe if I pretend I'm invisible, no one will notice me.
It works for a little while, until I realize that Jared West isn't even here to notice me. I drop my pencil on purpose, and turn around with the pretense of picking it up in order to scope out the rest of the classroom. There is a possibility that he may have changed seats, and I feel my stomach drop in anticipation, wondering if it has anything to do with me.
I am briefly relieved when I realize that he simply isn't in class at all, but then the worry returns when I wonder where he is. He hasn't missed class at all this year, and I know this for sure because I haven't missed class at all this year, either. He has had a perfect attendance record, just like me, up until now.
"Kimberly Winters?" Mr. Nguyen says, interrupting my thoughts. "Kindly pay attention."
I feel my face grow hot, as once again, Mr. Nguyen singles me out in front of the entire class. I feel ridiculous, but this time it's my own fault. Jared West isn't even here, and still he's distracting me.
* * *
For two weeks, Jared doesn't show up to class. I learn from overhearing conversations of people who actually associate with him, that Jared isn't simply skipping math class. He hasn't been in any of his classes. The thing that makes me worry the most, though, is that one of the boys who knows where he lives reports that he had gone to give Jared his make-up homework, and Jared wasn't even home.
My heart sinks when I overhear this bit of news, and I wonder if he's done something drastic, like run away. Or moved.
The only upside to his absence is that, with nothing else to do, I've been doing considerably better in math class. Having no one to distract me, I've actually started paying attention, and to Mr. Nguyen's surprise, I can answer some of the questions he throws at me in class. He makes it clear when he pulls me aside one day that I have a lot of catching up to do, however he's glad that I've decided to get serious about my grade, and thankfully he doesn't mention the after-school study group again.
Exactly two weeks and two days after Jared West had stopped coming to school, I show up to math class with my homework done, and stride over to my seat with a small sense of accomplishment. Out of habit, I glance at his desk, and am shocked into stillness when I realize that it is occupied.
Slowly, I approach my desk and Jared's, and slowly I sit down in my chair. They've replaced Jared, I think, numbly. He's not coming back. They've given his seat to a new, huge, Native American guy with bulging muscles and an intimidating disposition.
Motivated, I suppose, by my impending heartbreak, I do something I have never done before, in the entire history of me going to this school. I start a conversation with someone.
"Hi…I-I was wondering if you… well, if they happened to let you know what happened to the guy who used t-to… um, sit here?" I practically whisper.
The huge guy lifts his head and turns it to the right to see who is whispering to him, and with a icy feeling of shock, I realize that it's Jared West. But it's not the same Jared West who was here before. This Jared West is humongous, and like I said, with rippling, bulging muscles that I am certain the other Jared West did not have.
Unable to fight back a small gasp, and sure that I am about to die of embarrassment, (I can feel my insides turning to mush), I try to avert my eyes from Jared West's face.
"I'm sorry," I think I say, but I am not sure that anything actually comes out of my mouth. I feel so stupid, and as I chance another glance at him, I realize that he is still staring at me as if… well, I have no idea. He looks, for lack of a better word, positively stunned.
"Are you okay?" I want to say, but again, I'm not sure anything comes out. My mouth is doing that thing where it doesn't cooperate fully with my brain. And I can't blame it. Jared West is staring at me!
"K-Kim Winters?" he whispers, except now that he looks as if someone has punched him in the stomach. He looks winded.
Before I can even think of a reply, other than the obviously stupid one, "Yes, that is my name," that I don't say, Mr. Nguyen sweeps into the classroom, and the bell rings.
"Ah, Jared West!" he says, and effectively grabs my attention. "Back in class, I see! I trust all is well?"
Out of the corner of my eye, I can see that Jared hasn't stopped staring at me, but at Mr. Nguyen's question, he jerks his head towards the front and nods briefly.
"Very good, very good," Mr. Nguyen says, nodding himself. "You've missed quite a lot, however. In the two weeks that you've been gone, we've started a new unit, but I'm sure it won't be that difficult for you to catch up. You were doing quite well before your absence. If you would be so kind as to come see me after class, I'm sure we can make arrangements for you."
Jared nods again, but I blush as I realize that his gaze is still directed at me. My blush deepens when I hear giggles, and I realize that I'm not the only one who's noticed the way he's staring at me.
Thankfully, it seems that Mr. Nguyen doesn't notice, or at least he pretends not to, and he goes along with the lesson as planned.
For the rest of the class, however, Jared West continues to stare at me, and all of my newly formed concentration tactics for math fly right out of the window.
* * *
When the bell finally rings for the next period, I am so relieved. So relieved that I stand up to go and in a typical, classic movie-moment move, drop the entire contents of my backpack on the floor.
Luckily, there's nothing embarrassing in there today, like a pad. Unluckily, Jared notices my klutzy move.
"Let me help you," he says, quickly, bending down to help pick up my books and things off the floor.
"It's okay," I say, my face as red as a beet, I'm sure. But, of course, he helps anyway.
Soon, I'm aware that besides Mr. Nguyen, Jared and I are the only two people left in the classroom.
I stand up to leave, remembering that Jared and Mr. Nguyen have to talk anyways, and I head for the door after muttering a thank you to Jared.
"Wait!" Jared says, his words as effective as if he had touched me and held me physically in one spot. I turn, eyes wide.
Strangely, he doesn't seem to have anything to say; he just stands over by our desks and looks at me as if he is surprised that he called for me out loud.
We're interrupted by Mr. Nguyen who clears his throat, and from the look on Jared's face, it's clear that he's forgotten that Mr. Nguyen is in the classroom, too.
"Miss Winters," he says. "You're going to be late for your next class if you continue to dawdle."
I begin to make my exit when Jared calls out, "Wait!" once again, and I am compelled to turn around.
I see him giving Mr. Nguyen a pleading sort of look, and then he says something quite unexpected. "I was wondering if Kim could tutor me, Mr. Nguyen? For the last two weeks I missed?"
I feel my jaw drop open in shock. "I-I don't think-" I start to say, but I'm quickly interrupted by Mr. Nguyen, who glances at his watch.
"I think that could be a good idea. Kim has been steadily improving for the past two weeks, although in the past there were some problems," he says. "I think it would only be fair if you help her review things from before the past two weeks. Think of it as sharing information."
"I'd love to," Jared replies, and all of my wordless protesting ceases. Not that I am actually doing anything, motion-wise, but I am definitely panicking in my head.
"Great. It's settled," Mr. Nguyen quickly scribbles us both late passes for our next class, and shoos us out of the door.
I can not seem to get a grip on what's just happened, and I turn to Jared for some sort of explanation, but he says nothing. He's just staring at me.
"This…" he motions to him and myself, "will be fun, don't you think? It'll give us a chance to get to know each other." Except he doesn't look like it will be fun at all. He actually looks like he's about to be sick.
"You want to know me?" the words force themselves out of my mouth before I can stop them, and for the millionth time that morning, I feel myself blushing.
"Yes," he says, his voice low all of a sudden. It causes me to look up, and I stifle another gasp when I see his expression. Not that he was playful at all before, but now he looks more serious than I've ever seen him. "I… I'd love to know you, Kim."
His intensity makes me want to run away, and at the same time, it draws me in. I wonder what would happen if I gave in to both emotions. Would I simply spin in a circle and go nowhere? The image makes me laugh, internally.
"So… would you like to get started?" he says, suddenly.
"N-Now?" I stammer. "But… um… we have class."
"Oh, right," he answers, as if he's honestly forgotten. For a second he looks sincerely disappointed. "Should I meet you after school then? What class are you going to, now? Would you mind if I walked you there?"
I am taken aback by his eagerness and the fact that I've never heard him talk so much in one day. "Uh… I… um, English," I manage to say.
"Okay, let's go," he says, starting down the hallway. I have to walk fast to catch up to him, and I wonder again about his sudden growth spurt.
"Where do you live? Or do you take the bus? I have a car, so we could just drive. Unless… you'd prefer to come to my house?" he asks all in one breath.
My eyes are wide. I swallow. Jared's house? Jared West's house? "Erm… m-my house is fine," I say, quietly. "Or… we could… er… meet somewhere public?" I add, because now that I think about it I don't know if I want Jared West in my house either. It seems so intimate.
"Whatever you want," he replies with a small shrug.
After that exchange, he is quiet for the rest of the way to my English class, but I notice that he keeps looking over at me with a small frown on his face. My heart sinks a little, and I hope I haven't said anything to upset him. I replay the conversation quickly in my head, and I start to frown myself when I realize that my rejection of his house could easily be misconstrued as a rejection of him.
We're just about at my English class now and I'm debating whether I should say something, tell him I've changed my mind. I summon every ounce of courage that I have hiding somewhere within me, and I take a deep breath.
"I'd-like-to-go-to-your-house," I blurt. I fight the urge to ask whether there will be adults present, knowing instinctively that my parents will not approve if there aren't. But I don't want to seem like a middle-schooler.
He starts and gives me a surprised look. Then, he sort of nods. "Okay."
We've arrived at my classroom, and he stands nearby, waiting for me to enter. I do so in a sort of daze, handing the late note to my teacher and practically floating back to my seat.
I am going to Jared West's house after school. The Jared West. And it is his idea. For the first time in my life, I am grateful to Mr. Nguyen and his math class.
* * *
School is over, the bell is ringing, and my heart is threatening to jump out of my chest. I tell myself to keep it together as I move through the halls towards my locker. I keep an eye out for Jared the entire time, as we never said where we would meet specifically. I assume he will be outside waiting by his car, but my assumption is proved wrong when I see him standing next to my locker.
I am all the way down the hall and he is facing the other direction, but suddenly, as if he senses me, he turns and his gaze meets mine. Some emotion I can't describe flickers across his face, and then it's gone, too fast for me to analyze it.
I have that split feeling again. Part of me wants to turn around and run as fast as I can in the other direction. The other part of me is whispering that I'm crazy, this is my chance, and I continue down the hallway towards him.
"Kim," he says, always so serious. "Ready to go?"
"Almost," I say, opening my locker. I silently thank whatever gods in hearing range, that I don't have "Kim Loves Jared West!" written all over the outside of one of my notebooks. Sometimes I doodle while daydreaming about him, and the effects can be disastrous.
We walk outside, and I notice that he's quiet again, not asking me questions like this morning. Maybe he's nervous. I find myself hoping that he is. It makes me feel less stupid that I am nervous. A boy and girl driving off alone feels like a date, even though I know it isn't. I wonder, not for the first time, if he has a girlfriend.
We approach a beat-up looking old car surrounded by guys whose eyes all zero in on me and Jared. His friends? I wonder. Looking at their faces alone, I don't think that they are related, but one of them is as huge as Jared is. It's impossible that those two don't have some kind of connection.
The way they are looking at us makes me want to turn around and run right back into the school. I feel my heartbeat speed up, and at that moment, Jared stops and peers down at me. "They're not… going to hurt you or anything."
I look up at him, startled. "I… I didn't think they were." But now that you've put that idea into my head…
"It's… you just…" he shakes his head, cuts himself off, and continues walking over to them. Strange. Having no choice but to follow, I do.
"Hey guys, this is Kim Winters. Kim, this is Embry, Jake, and Paul," Jared says, and motions to each of them in turn. Paul is the other huge muscled one.
They all say hello, and I can feel their curiosity rolling off of them in waves.
"So… a girl?" Paul says, grinning. The others give him almost warning-type looks, but no one says anything. Seems everyone is waiting for some kind of answer from Jared.
"Yes," he says, curtly.
"I thought you were waiting for-"
"What makes you think she isn't?" Jared interrupted, and all three sets of eyes go wide.
"Is she?" Jake, I think, asks, and I suddenly hate that they're having a conversation I don't understand. I look up at Jared just in time to see him nod imperceptibly.
Embry gasps, and the three boys all stare at Jared in a kind of shock. I squirm uncomfortably, and wish we could just leave already.
"We're going to leave now," Jared says, suddenly. "And guys… don't tell Sam. I want to do it myself."
They back off from the car, allowing Jared and me to climb in.
We back out of the parking lot, and in five minutes, we're cruising along towards Jared's house.
I want to ask so bad, since I know it is obviously about me, but I'm not sure how to bring it up and I don't have the nerve to do it anyway. Jared hasn't said a word since we climbed into the car, and he asked if I was cold, (I wasn't - I could feel the heat coming off of him in waves and it was more than enough to warm me up), but he's divided his attention equally between me and the road for the entire trip. Now we're pulling into his driveway, and the tension that has been building has now settled around us like a warm blanket.
He turns off the engine, and doesn't move.
"I'm sorry," he says quietly, his gaze directed at me again. "I know that was probably weird for you. The guys can be nosey sometimes."
"It's okay," I say, quickly. Even though it really isn't. And I want to ask questions, but I don't want to seem nosey either.
Awkwardly, we get out of the car, and walk up to his front door.
"My parents aren't home," he says, suddenly, and glances over at me. I blush at the mere implications of that sentence and opt to not say anything.
Is he - could he be - suggesting something? I feel panic rising within me, and my heartbeat is racing once again. I would give almost anything to kiss Jared West… could it be that he knows? I tell myself silently to breathe and calm down, especially as he's now giving me a strange look, as if… as if he knows something.
He starts to say something, but then stops, and shakes his head again.
"Just sit down anywhere," he says, gesturing towards the living room. "I'll be right back."
He leaves, and I breathe a small sigh of relief. I am being ridiculous. He has shown zero signs of wanting to… well, be intimate with me, and here I am acting all weird. Zero signs, unless I count earlier when he said, "I'd love to know you, Kim," in that low voice. I shiver, thinking about it, and allow myself to fall backwards on the couch with another sigh.
I set my backpack on the floor, and wonder what's taking him so long upstairs, but at the same time I'm in no hurry to have him come back down again.
Taking advantage of his absence, I jump up to survey the room. My attention is caught immediately by a row of pictures on the fireplace mantel. Baby pictures of Jared! The most noticeable difference between these pictures and him now is that he's not huge and muscular, and his hair used to be very long. But I know that already. Judging from these pictures, it's always been very long, and I wonder what's caused him to make the decision to cut it now.
I giggle to myself as I realize the one thing that hasn't changed. Jared isn't smiling in any of these pictures. Even as a little boy, it seems he was always solemn.
"What's funny?" his low voice says from directly behind me, and I jump a mile into the air.
I turn, my hand on my once again, racing heart. I grow very still. He's extremely close, and I'm surprised that I didn't hear him come back into the room.
"I-" I try to say, but my brain stops functioning and I can get nothing else out. He's very close, close enough that I can see flecks of green in his dark brown eyes.
He's also changed clothes. Instead of wearing what he wore to school, now he's wearing a pair of cut-off khaki shorts and a tight, white t-shirt that outlines every muscle in his chest. I wonder briefly if he's done that on purpose, and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to breathe.
As spellbound as I seem to be, I watch in shock as he reaches out a hand towards my face almost in slow-motion. No, but this is too much. I pull back, beyond nervous, and feel myself collide with the mantle. I break eye-contact and stare at the ground instead.
I hear him draw a sharp breath and I feel, rather than see, him move backwards and away from me.
Chancing it, I look up to find him standing next to the couch where I set my backpack on the floor. He has an odd expression on his face. Shock mixed with pain, mixed with regret, mixed with guilt. Something heavy drops into my stomach, and I want to tell him to come back, to try again. But I can't and I don't.
"I'm sorry, I thought-" he whispers, staring at the ground. "Too fast. I was too fast." But something in the way he says it makes me wonder if he's talking to me or himself.
"It's okay," I want to say again, but I don't and of course, it still isn't.
Slowly, I move towards the couch and decide to just sit down instead.
"I'm sorry," he repeats, looking at me this time, embarrassment and guilt laced through his features.
"It's fine," I manage to say, faintly. If anyone, I should be embarrassed. It's not like he read my signals wrong. "Let's just… math." I lean over and start pulling materials out of my backpack.
"Kim?" he says, softly, and I turn to look at him wishing he would just drop it already. He sits down on the couch next to me. "I… I know this is probably going to sound strange, but… thank you for coming over."
"Y-You're welcome," I stutter, feeling like an idiot.
"So, let's… math," he says, a small trace of a smile on his lips. I fight the urge to stare, sure that I've never seen him smile before today.
"Yes, let's," I say, gathering myself, and once again, I thank Mr. Nguyen silently for teaching our math class.
* * *
Author's Note: End Chapter One. I hope you enjoyed, now please review. Thank you!
