Chapter 1.
AN...This is my first attempt at a...sort of serious story. I don't know how this will turn out...ones I've read can be good...if well written...but if they're not well written...it's horrible to read, so I'm going to try and deal with this in a sensitive way...as rape is a sensitive subject, as I know all too well...so warnings before reading....
On, and please note, that the raper in this story isn't named, and isn't ever going to be named. I don't even know who he is. I don't like naming familiar characters as rapists, so this is just a random student. I know at certain parts in the story you may be suspicious of some characters, but be assured, it's not them.
-Edit- Ok. After much deliberation, I've decided to put up this fic. I struggled majorly with the title too.. I'm still not entriely happy with 'Tainted Innocence'.....Anyway. It's up now, so warnings before reading, as mentioned above.-/Edit-
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Hermione sat curled in a chair in the common room, facing into the fire, staring blankly into its fiery depths. She was numb, mentally and physically. She couldn't cry...all she wanted to do was cry...but the tears wouldn't come. It was 1 o'clock in the morning, and the common room was empty. Many thoughts tried to run through her head, but they all faded away...everything was blank. She sat like that all night. The notion to sleep didn't cross her. She didn't go upstairs, nor did she fall asleep in the chair. She simply sat there, staring into the fire, which slowly died out as Saturday morning approached.
By 8 o'clock, people started coming down to the common room. She grabbed a book which was lying on the table in front of her and placed it in her lap.
"Hey Hermione...what you doing up so early?" Harry asked.
"I..I..woke up early and came down here to read." She answered, the first signs of life snapping into her since the night before.
"Whatever makes you happy!" He smiled at her. She forced a smile back and joined him and Ron to the Great Hall for breakfast. It was almost surreal...resuming life as normal...when this dark cloud now hung over her, which no-one else could see. On the way downstairs, Ron slipped his hand round Hermione's waist and held her close to him, smiling as he chatted to Harry. Hermione tensed at his touch. Her stomach clenched in...she didn't want his hands on her...but it was stupid...he was her boyfriend...she didn't want him to think anything was wrong, so she inhaled a deep, shaky breath and smiled at him, all the while cursing herself inside.
As they walked into the hall, they were met by Malfoy.
"It makes me sick, Weasley." He snarled.
"Oh leave off, Malfoy!" Ron exclaimed, hugging a wincing Hermione tighter.
"Even scum like you, Weasley!" He laughed to Crabbe and Goyle. "But still, no matter how poor you are...you're still a pure-blood...and that little mudblood girlfriend on your arm..."
"Malfoy!" Ron said, growing increasingly angry, but Harry caught his free arm.
"Leave it Ron, it's not worth it." He said, and ushered him towards the Gryffindor table.
"I know, Harry, I know. But it just drives me mad. He's only got worse since me and Hermione started going out." He smiled at her, who forced a smile back as they sat down. "You're awfully quiet this morning...you ok?"
"Yeah. I'm just tired." She said, hating lying to him. She was in a daze. She lifted his hand from her waist and put it on his own leg. He just smiled and set about getting his plate full. This was what hurt her the most. Lying to Ron. They had been in a relationship for three months now, and it was the happiest she had been in a long time. For the first time since last night, her emotions kicked in. She couldn't stay there with him. She stood up to leave.
"Sorry, I...I'm not hungry...I'm...I'm going back to bed." She stammered. "It's ok Ron, I'll speak to you later." She assured him, and walked quickly out. Once she was out of the Great Hall she ran faster than she ever had in her life, tears now streaming down her face as she ran to the empty girls' dorm and collapsed on her bed in a heap, sobbing her heart out. She felt dirty...she felt it was all her fault. She curled under her covers to protect herself as the memories of the night before came back...she could still smell him, still hear his voice...still feel the horrid sensation of his hands on her body. How could she have let this happen? Why her? Why her? "WHY ME?" She cried out to the empty room, sobbing into her pillow once more. She jumped at the hand which was rested on her shoulder. She sat up abruptly and wiped her face. Lavender was sitting on the edge of Hermione's bed with a concerned look on her face.
"Hermione?" She asked softly. "You ran past me on the stairs."
"Lavender...oh..." She wiped her face again.
"What's wrong Hermione? Did you fight with Ron?" she asked, but couldn't imagine it being true...Hermione and Ron were Hogwarts' perfect couple...
"No, no...It's ok...Really, I'm fine." She forced another fake smile at Lavender and got up, making her bed.
"Hmm....ok, well, I'm not convinced, but if that's all you're saying." Lavender replied with a smile. "Just remember I'm always here if you want to talk."
Hermione smiled at her and left the room. It was nice of Lavender to offer...but Hermione had never felt that close to her, talking to her about anything would be awkward...a small smile escaped her lips as she remembered her embarrassment at telling the girls in the dorm of her first kiss with Ron...Her face fell again. Ron. Ron. One of her best friends...her boyfriend...
She walked into the girls' bathroom and stood, staring at her reflection. The happy memories of girly nights in the dorm seemed so far away. She splashed her face with water and patted it dry with a towel. She stared at her reflection, she stared at every inch of her face, then turned away. She couldn't look at herself anymore. All these emotions in her head were too much...hatred towards herself for not being strong enough to stop it...hatred towards him...anger, guilt, confusion...she wandered over to the window and looked down to the grounds, many floors below. The cool air stung her face where the water hadn't fully dried. The grounds looked so...so normal...she had half expected them to mirror her mood, with wind and rain, and the dark forest...full of secrets...but instead it was a nice early-spring's day. Sunny, but cool, and students were scattered on the grass, laughing and smiling. Another thought came into her mind as she stared to the grass below. How easy it would be...how simple...and all this pain and confusion...would be gone...
She was disturbed by a first year coming into the bathroom. No, she shook her head, hardly believing such a stupid idea had come to her. She wandered back to the common room, where she found Ron and Harry sitting by the fire, playing Wizard's Chess. She sat down beside them. They smiled at her, and continued in their game. She watched them and everything seemed to go in slow motion...Harry's laugh as one of his pieces smashed one of Ron's....Ron pretending to be upset and distressed....Ron casually putting his hand on her leg and smiling at her...it was too much. She couldn't bear to be around them. She shoved Ron's hand off and ran out. "Typical" she thought. She didn't want to be around any boy...and it hurt her that this meant Harry and Ron...the two closest people to her in the world. She didn't know what to do. She went up to the girl's dorms and lay in her bed, and, quite unexpectedly, her tired body was soon consumed by sleep.
AN...This is my first attempt at a...sort of serious story. I don't know how this will turn out...ones I've read can be good...if well written...but if they're not well written...it's horrible to read, so I'm going to try and deal with this in a sensitive way...as rape is a sensitive subject, as I know all too well...so warnings before reading....
On, and please note, that the raper in this story isn't named, and isn't ever going to be named. I don't even know who he is. I don't like naming familiar characters as rapists, so this is just a random student. I know at certain parts in the story you may be suspicious of some characters, but be assured, it's not them.
-Edit- Ok. After much deliberation, I've decided to put up this fic. I struggled majorly with the title too.. I'm still not entriely happy with 'Tainted Innocence'.....Anyway. It's up now, so warnings before reading, as mentioned above.-/Edit-
-----
Hermione sat curled in a chair in the common room, facing into the fire, staring blankly into its fiery depths. She was numb, mentally and physically. She couldn't cry...all she wanted to do was cry...but the tears wouldn't come. It was 1 o'clock in the morning, and the common room was empty. Many thoughts tried to run through her head, but they all faded away...everything was blank. She sat like that all night. The notion to sleep didn't cross her. She didn't go upstairs, nor did she fall asleep in the chair. She simply sat there, staring into the fire, which slowly died out as Saturday morning approached.
By 8 o'clock, people started coming down to the common room. She grabbed a book which was lying on the table in front of her and placed it in her lap.
"Hey Hermione...what you doing up so early?" Harry asked.
"I..I..woke up early and came down here to read." She answered, the first signs of life snapping into her since the night before.
"Whatever makes you happy!" He smiled at her. She forced a smile back and joined him and Ron to the Great Hall for breakfast. It was almost surreal...resuming life as normal...when this dark cloud now hung over her, which no-one else could see. On the way downstairs, Ron slipped his hand round Hermione's waist and held her close to him, smiling as he chatted to Harry. Hermione tensed at his touch. Her stomach clenched in...she didn't want his hands on her...but it was stupid...he was her boyfriend...she didn't want him to think anything was wrong, so she inhaled a deep, shaky breath and smiled at him, all the while cursing herself inside.
As they walked into the hall, they were met by Malfoy.
"It makes me sick, Weasley." He snarled.
"Oh leave off, Malfoy!" Ron exclaimed, hugging a wincing Hermione tighter.
"Even scum like you, Weasley!" He laughed to Crabbe and Goyle. "But still, no matter how poor you are...you're still a pure-blood...and that little mudblood girlfriend on your arm..."
"Malfoy!" Ron said, growing increasingly angry, but Harry caught his free arm.
"Leave it Ron, it's not worth it." He said, and ushered him towards the Gryffindor table.
"I know, Harry, I know. But it just drives me mad. He's only got worse since me and Hermione started going out." He smiled at her, who forced a smile back as they sat down. "You're awfully quiet this morning...you ok?"
"Yeah. I'm just tired." She said, hating lying to him. She was in a daze. She lifted his hand from her waist and put it on his own leg. He just smiled and set about getting his plate full. This was what hurt her the most. Lying to Ron. They had been in a relationship for three months now, and it was the happiest she had been in a long time. For the first time since last night, her emotions kicked in. She couldn't stay there with him. She stood up to leave.
"Sorry, I...I'm not hungry...I'm...I'm going back to bed." She stammered. "It's ok Ron, I'll speak to you later." She assured him, and walked quickly out. Once she was out of the Great Hall she ran faster than she ever had in her life, tears now streaming down her face as she ran to the empty girls' dorm and collapsed on her bed in a heap, sobbing her heart out. She felt dirty...she felt it was all her fault. She curled under her covers to protect herself as the memories of the night before came back...she could still smell him, still hear his voice...still feel the horrid sensation of his hands on her body. How could she have let this happen? Why her? Why her? "WHY ME?" She cried out to the empty room, sobbing into her pillow once more. She jumped at the hand which was rested on her shoulder. She sat up abruptly and wiped her face. Lavender was sitting on the edge of Hermione's bed with a concerned look on her face.
"Hermione?" She asked softly. "You ran past me on the stairs."
"Lavender...oh..." She wiped her face again.
"What's wrong Hermione? Did you fight with Ron?" she asked, but couldn't imagine it being true...Hermione and Ron were Hogwarts' perfect couple...
"No, no...It's ok...Really, I'm fine." She forced another fake smile at Lavender and got up, making her bed.
"Hmm....ok, well, I'm not convinced, but if that's all you're saying." Lavender replied with a smile. "Just remember I'm always here if you want to talk."
Hermione smiled at her and left the room. It was nice of Lavender to offer...but Hermione had never felt that close to her, talking to her about anything would be awkward...a small smile escaped her lips as she remembered her embarrassment at telling the girls in the dorm of her first kiss with Ron...Her face fell again. Ron. Ron. One of her best friends...her boyfriend...
She walked into the girls' bathroom and stood, staring at her reflection. The happy memories of girly nights in the dorm seemed so far away. She splashed her face with water and patted it dry with a towel. She stared at her reflection, she stared at every inch of her face, then turned away. She couldn't look at herself anymore. All these emotions in her head were too much...hatred towards herself for not being strong enough to stop it...hatred towards him...anger, guilt, confusion...she wandered over to the window and looked down to the grounds, many floors below. The cool air stung her face where the water hadn't fully dried. The grounds looked so...so normal...she had half expected them to mirror her mood, with wind and rain, and the dark forest...full of secrets...but instead it was a nice early-spring's day. Sunny, but cool, and students were scattered on the grass, laughing and smiling. Another thought came into her mind as she stared to the grass below. How easy it would be...how simple...and all this pain and confusion...would be gone...
She was disturbed by a first year coming into the bathroom. No, she shook her head, hardly believing such a stupid idea had come to her. She wandered back to the common room, where she found Ron and Harry sitting by the fire, playing Wizard's Chess. She sat down beside them. They smiled at her, and continued in their game. She watched them and everything seemed to go in slow motion...Harry's laugh as one of his pieces smashed one of Ron's....Ron pretending to be upset and distressed....Ron casually putting his hand on her leg and smiling at her...it was too much. She couldn't bear to be around them. She shoved Ron's hand off and ran out. "Typical" she thought. She didn't want to be around any boy...and it hurt her that this meant Harry and Ron...the two closest people to her in the world. She didn't know what to do. She went up to the girl's dorms and lay in her bed, and, quite unexpectedly, her tired body was soon consumed by sleep.
