My name is Magus. Magus Darkshadow. Known everywhere as the dark prince, enemy to humans everywhere. I kill without quarter, I massacre without remorse, and I take joy in seeing terror in the human's eyes before I kill them. My generals look up to me, of course Slash is the only one that doesn't creep me out. Flea dresses like a woman, yet claims he's a man. "Power is beautiful", he says. I guess that makes me Miss Guardia, eh? No? Oh, well. . .another wasted attempt at humor. Ozzie. . .Ozzie finds his strength behind me. If he wasn't always a stone's throw away from me at any given minute, he'd probably have an anurism. That would serve him right. Damned freeloader.
I care for nobody but number one. And one other.
My sister. Oh, how I want to see her again. It's been. . .twenty agonizing years since I was thrust into this wretched place. Ozzie was the one who found me, weak, frightened. . .he thought I'd be easy prey.
What a joke.
He sent those crones of his after me. I think he was trying to kill me. And he probably would have, had I not realized my inherited magic. Dark Matter. I let that one fly. Oh, you should have seen the look on Ozzie's face when those imps of his didn't just die, they ceased to be. They were literally gone.
From then on I knew that this life would be an easy one.
But I digress. Back to Schala. She was so different from myself, so different from mother, corrupted by the power of Lavos. Schala was. . .Schala. No other way to describe her. Other than my sister. My caring, forgiving. . .beautiful sister.
I can see it now. . .she'd look down on me, and say, "Janus! What have you been doing!?" and I'd turn to her, and look at her, and say I'm sorry, and I'd grab her around the waist and start bawling into her stomach.
Of course, now I'd be taller than she was, so I'd be crying on her shoulder. Of course, if she was here, I wouldn't even be Magus Darkshadow. I'd be Janus Zeal. Now that I think about it. . .I wouldn't even be in this time period. I'd probably be on some human ridden island in 12,000 BC, wondering why mother had become corrupted, and why Lavos had to emerge and shoot our home right out of the sky. Then I'd say some curses, and do. . .something. Probably tag along with Schala. Or something.
Damn, I'd be an indecisive kid, huh? Well, I guess in that respect, I'm glad I ended up here, 'cause now, at least I know what I'm doing. But, y'know what? I'm not really happy. I mean, sure, it's kinda fun to take someone's life from them, but it's just not the kind of happiness I'm looking for. God damn, I sound like I need to join a support group. Almost funny, I know.
But, y'know, I actually did have fun a while ago. That damned knight that Cyrus always toted around - Glenn was his name - showed up with some friends. Of course, he was a frog then, so it was almost laughable that he wanted to fight me. Then he pulls out the damned Masamune - damn that sword straight to the seventh level of hell - and we go at it. God damn, that had to have been the worst - yet best - fight I'd ever been in. And his friends, a kid by the name of Crono, and his girlfriend, I assumed, a little harlet who knew how to use some fire magic, they knew how to fight. Oh, god knows they knew how to fight. Hell, I even had to break out Dark Matter a couple times. I don't break that out unless I mean to kick some ass. I mean, I used Dark Bomb on a small group of humans, and if I wanted them to die a particularly slow, painful death, I might use Dark Mist, but when I need that power, I reach for my Dark Matter. Enough said.
And they still managed to beat me! Now that really pissed me off. Especially 'cause I was trying to call Lavos to show him precicely what I thought if him coming into Zeal and shooting up my home. And my sister.
And the kicker is, the damned overgrown porcupine showed up! Then, he opens up some temporal portal, and sends the three off to some unknown end of the earth, and me to, well, home.
Ahh, how nice that was. To be home, to see Alfador again, that crazy blue cat. And, best of all, I got to see Schala again.
Now that sent tingles down my spine to see her alive, well, and healthy. And, we actually talked. For hours. Eventually, she asked why I was there. Stumped, I came up with one answer: I was a prophet.
A prophet! Ha! That's a good one. I damn near tipped over my cup of Zealian ale when I almost died concealing my laughter. I couldn't believe my sister was that gullable. I simply couldn't believe it.
She believed it. That was simply impossible.
Then, it hit me. Lavos. Me. We'd be in the same spot at the same time.
Revenge, baby!
Oh, I slept like a baby that night. Mainly 'cause I knew that Lavos would die in three days. And, while I thought about it. . .
I knew that Glenn and his group of flunkies would show up at some point. So I made a point of letting mother and Schala know that they'd come around and start trouble.
And, right as rain, they showed up. They didn't really cause trouble, per se, but it kept them out of my hair, especially Glenn, who was still toting around that accursed Masamune.
I should have cast that damned thing into a black hole right after I killed Cyrus. Of course, I'm still kicking myself about that. But this isn't a story about Magus's worst screw ups, is it? Of course not.
So, when they showed up, after they came in and tossed things up a bit. . .memory serves me right, they messed up Dalton's Golem, I had them take me to where they came, and then had Schala close the portal.
Normally, that would have been the end of the case.
But nooooo, they had to somehow get ahold of Belthasar's Wings of Time, and show up again! Damn, they were persistant!
But finally, the day of reckoning was upon me. Lavos would fall!
I about laughed myself silly after everyone had gone to the undersea palace but myself. Then, I went down, too.
And, mother's greed got the best of her, again. Lavos showed up, about the same time that Glenn and his friends did, too. Not like that was a wrench in the works or anything, but, y'know, it was something of a thorn in my side.
They tried their hand at getting the overgrown pincusion, but they lost.
Small wonder.
Then, it was my turn. I broke out my weapon of choice, my scythe, and went to put a new air vent in it's head. . .eye. . .mouth. . .thing.
It broke the damned tip off my scythe, then drained my powers! Mother then knocked me aside, and Lavos got ready to make a snack out of us all.
That was when things got bad. Yes, they could have been better. But now, they were horrible. Horrendous. Haneous.
That redhead, Crono, got up, walked up to Lavos, and whipped out that katana of his. Then, I'm not quite sure what he was thinking, if he was at all, he went to cast a spell or something.
I'd heard of premature magic use before, but it only ended in death. I think he was trying to use that Luminare spell. Well, I'm not sure if he actually cast it or not, either way, he didn't really die as much as he. . .melted. Dissapeared.
One thing I've gotta say about that kid, he had guts. Not everyone will go up against a near omnipotent creature and try to kill it on their own.
So what if I tried it on my own? That's my business and not yours.
And again, Schala used the last of her pendant's energy to send us, not herself to safety. And again, I'd lost my chance at revenge.
Luckily, I was spit out near the shore. There, I witnessed first hand the destruction of the magical kingdom of Zeal.
Schala died again, my home was destroyed again. . .all I had left was number one and Schala's amulet. Damn that Lavos. I had to try not to kill the next thousand people I found. Which was, incidentally, the only humans left.
Turns out the next people I ran into was Glenn and two of his friends. I could tell they were broken up about their foolish friend. Of course, I was broken up about Schala.
There was a brief exchange of words and some mind games, and Glenn brought out the Masamune again, and apparently wanted to fight.
Here we were, two mortal enemies, about to fight to the bitter end. . .
And he bails on me!
Something about how him killing me wouldn't bring back Cyrus, or somethin' like that.
Just typical, I suppose.
Then, his whole enterage started to leave.
And I don't know what the hell happened, to be quite honest. Maybe it was a temporary lapse of sanity. Maybe it had something to do with not only getting smacked around by Lavos twice, or seeing Schala taken out again. I don't know.
I asked to join them.
I can't believe I asked to join them.
I guess it was probably my consious screaming at me. Since I couldn't save Schala, I could help. . .everyone else!
Christ. I sound like a self help booklet, or a motivational speaker, or something else that would humiliate any other human.
Y'know what? Now that I think about it. . .I know why I joined them.
Revenge.
If I helped them, even just for a little while, I'd have my chance at Lavos. . .
And at Mother.
God damn, how I wanted to kill that bitch.
And god damn, how I loved watching her die. That last Dark Matter. . .her scream as she realized not only was she killed by the prophet. . .but by the one son she left for dead.
Guess what, mommy? I just fucked you up!
Oh, what a load of fun that was.
And then, y'know what we did then?
That's right, we took on His Royal Spikeyness. Lavos himself.
It was odd. Now that we fought him now, it was a joke. A joke.
It was probably because he drained my powers. And now that I had them back. . .oh, there were several words that could have described Lavos at that moment. Screwed, in particular, comes to mind.
And we thought we killed him.
But there was still more to come.
God damn, I remember the first thing that came out of Lucca's mouth when we figured that out. Something along the lines of kissing my mother with that mouth.
No thank you. Necrophilia is not for me.
Anyway, we continued into the bowels of Lavos, as it were.
Hah! How many of you can say you've been down the gullet of an interstellar destroyer?
Anyway, we found Lavos. . .uhh. . .stage two.
Kinda hard to miss, though.
Speaking of more jokes, this one was a joke as well. With that form, I almost broke a sweat.
Then, there was the third form.
Oh, christ. The third form. He was a master of what he did, and that was sampling every creature's DNA to make himself into the ultimate being, and controlled evolution for his own cause.
One can only guess at what the hell he was on when he created the duck-billed platypus. That poor, poor creature.
Oh, it was a fierce battle. Believe it or not, Glenn turned out to be quite useful throughout the battle. He had this cure type spell he always used. And Crono. Well. .. I'll say he can use a sword.
But, in the end, it was Dark Matter that ended Lavos.
Finally, I had my revenge.
Well. . .the night of the Millenial Fair, Lucca sent us all home with, what I guess would have been a teary goodbye.
It was disgusting.
I don't know the whole story, because I left after Lucca asked me the stupidest question she could have asked.
"Are you going to look for Schala?"
What kind of a stupid question was that? Of course I was!
Of course, I didn't tell her that. She could figure that one out on her own.
Well. . .that's the whole story. No more, no less. Now get the hell out of my house.
