The Hogwarts Massacre
by Screwy K

I walked into Hogwarts today.
Dumbledore was smiling.
I peeked into the Great Hall.
It's good to be a muggle.
I watched the wizards as they eat.
Hagrid was singing.
Boy that steak looks good.
It's good to be a muggle.
I watched as a red-headed boy does some magic.
I chased him, screaming.
I loked around, confused.
"Where's my wand?" I thought.
The realization hit me like a bludger.
"I can't do any goddamn magic!"
I stabbed the idiot named Harry.
He wasn't smiling.
I crushed Ron's throat.
It sucks being a muggle.
I punched Hermione's nose into her brain.
Then I broke Dumbledore's old skull.
I saw Voldemort out of the corner of my eye.
I killed him with my machine gun.
Being a muggle has advantages.
I turned around and saw Hagrid charging at me.
I pumped him full of lead.
I jumped onto a broomstick and flew up really high.
Then I let go.
Ha! Oh wait, I still can't do magic. Fuck.