Yo ho!
By: Captain Kisa

Disclaimer: Own POTC, I do not. I wish I was smart enough to come up with something like that…

Ohsmigod, it's an 'author gets sucked into POTC' fic. Everyone run screaming! No, please don't. Then I'd be sad that no one likes my story… Yeah.

Two chapters for the price of one! Well, not really, since you're not paying. But I decided to put two chapters in this one, instead of having one ultra-short chapter.

'zomg ur fic suxxorzz' is not an acceptable review and will be laughed at/ignored.


You know, refrigerators can't hold a person. It's true. When you open the door, it looks all nice and roomy inside, but it's rather cramped.

How do I know this, you ask? Simple: I was standing inside the fridge. Why was I standing in the fridge? Because my mom wouldn't let me turn on the AC. Sure, I could've taken off my jacket, but I felt naked without it. It's kinda sad, when your mom won't let you turn on the air conditioning because of the electricity bill we had last month. But you don't want to hear about my parent's financial problems.

"Mooooom," I whined, dragging out the word as I rested my head against the milk. When I didn't receive an answer, I stepped out of the fridge and closed the door. Scowling slightly, I walked out of the kitchen and into the room next to it. It had no real name. Anyway, I shifted through the rack of DVDs, wondering which movie to watch. I settled on Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl. I hadn't seen it in forever, but I bet I could remember most of it.

I skipped from that room to the front front room (We had two front rooms… don't ask why.) and finally to my room, despite the heat. I belly-flopped onto my bed and slipped the earphones onto my ear. Opening the movie case, I took the disc out and put it into the portable DVD player.

"Oh, hey!" I exclaimed as I picked up a bottle of lemonade from the night before. I unscrewed the cap just as the movie loaded and the main menu showed up on the screen. Absentmindedly, I hit the play button and lifted the bottle to my mouth. My cat just happened to jump on my shoulders then, forcing the half-full bottle out of my hands and onto the DVD player.

"NO!" I yelled as the small machine emitted a whirring noise. Suddenly I felt like I was being dragged forward. A flash of light, and I was gone.

Out of nowhere, I had the odd feeling that I was being forced forward. Like a current, except without the water. Maybe this was what being thrown up felt like. Anyway, all thoughts of up chucking aside, I suddenly found myself standing. Imagine being about to be electrocuted, and then suddenly finding yourself outside. It was really odd.

Looking down, I realized that I was suddenly wearing a loose white shirt, faded grayish pants, and brown boots. Pirate boots. What the hell? How did I come to be wearing clothes that looked like an extra's costume from Pirates of the Caribbean? Was I dead? The only logical explanation was that I was dreaming… maybe that was it. Well, if I was dreaming, then I might as well have as much fun as I could before I was forced to wake up.

"Yay seventeen hundreds!" I shouted, jumping into the air. Needless to say, that little feat got me more than I few curious looks. I wasn't even sure it was the seventeen hundreds anyway. Deciding to explore wherever I was, I took a step forward and stumbled slightly. Damn, pirate boots are odd to walk in. No wonder Johnny Depp gave Jack a swagger! Or maybe he just thought the character needed it… Anyway, I eventually was able to walk without tripping, but I still had a slight swagger. I probably had a Sparrow-ish walk. Curse the deities—or my brain-- for giving me over-sized boots!

Making my way out of the… alley-thing I had appeared in and down the street, I spotted a nice black sash hanging off of a cart. Hey, it's a dream, right? I reached out and grabbed the sash as I passed and tied it around my waist. Congrats to me, I had just committed my first act of piracy. Even if it was stealing a sash.

"Welcome to Port Royal, Mr. Smith."

Hey, I knew that line! I stopped and looked around frantically, determined to find the source of the voice. Was I dreaming about the Pirates movie?

There! My eyes widened as I spotted a certain captain nicking a small pouch. Oh yeah, Captain Jack is in my dream! I danced a little bit in my mind. As the pirate kept walking along the docks, I decided to follow him; it's not like I had no idea where he was going. Lo and behold, soon enough I found myself following Jack down a ramp. Two men in red coats stopped Jack, who still didn't know I was behind him.

"This dock is off limits to civilians," Murtogg said. He was the skinny one. Yes, I'm lame enough to know their names. Catching him glance my way, I grinned and winked at him.

"I'm terribly sorry, I did not know." Jack responded. "If I see one, I shall inform you immediately." He tried to continue on his way to the ship, but the two men jumped in front of him.

"Apparently," Jack continued as though nothing had happened. "there's some sort of high toned and fancy to-do up at the fort, eh? How is it that two upstanding gentlemen such as yourselves did not merit an invitation?"

"Someone has to make sure this dock stays off-limits to civilians," I piped up as Murtogg opened his mouth. Jack whipped around and gave me a surprised look.

"Why, hello there, love," he greeted.

"Howdy," I responded with a little wave.

"How long have you been there?" he asked, glancing behind me to make sure no one else was following. I ignored him and decided to continue on with the scene.

"It's a fine goal to be sure," I said, turning to Murtogg and Mullroy. I practically memorized the entire movie, so I had no problem reciting Jack's lines. I even adapted his accent. I'm a pro at mimicking voices. "but it seems that a ship like that," I gestured to the Dauntless floating in the background, "makes this one here a bit superfluous, really."

"Oh, the Dauntless is the power in these waters, true enough. But there's no ship as can match the Interceptor for speed." Murtogg replied. I so knew he was going to say that.

"I've heard of one!" I said loudly as I watched Jack sneak away to board the ship. Eh, so what if I messed up the dialogue a bit? This could be fun. "It's the terror of the waters. No ship can ever hope to match its speed or power. It's even been said to be able to beat the Flying Dutchman in a race." Yeah, okay, so I've seen Dead Man's Chest. It's not like they knew that the East India Trading Company would be taking over Port Royal in a while, or that Davy Jones would soon be under the command of Cutler Becket. Leaning in closer to the two men for emphasis, I whispered solemnly, "the Black Pearl." Mullroy chuckled.

"Well, there's no real ship that can match the Interceptor." he said.

"The Black Pearl is a real ship." Murtogg insisted. I nodded slowly, as if I where a monk listening to some sage's advice or something.

"No, no it's not." Mullroy corrected in an 'Are you serious?' sort of voice.

"Yes it is, I've seen it!" Murtogg said.

"You've seen it?" Mullroy asked doubtfully. By this time I was looking from one to the other like I was watching a ping-pong match. I didn't really want to listen to the whole conversation, so I decided to speed things up a bit.

"Excuse me," I interrupted, causing both men to look at me, annoyed. "You have a stow-a-way. Or something." I pointed toward the Interceptor, where Jack was pretending to steer.

"Hey!" Murtogg called, snatching up his gun and running up the ramp. "Get away from there!"

Mullroy grabbed my arm and practically dragged me onto the ship as well. I really hoped I wouldn't get arrested. "You don't have permission to be aboard there, mate."

"I'm sorry, but it's such a pretty boat. Ship." Jack patted the boat's wheel almost lovingly.

"It is rather pretty– Ow!" I glared up at Mullroy, who had practically pinched me.

"What are your names?" Murtogg demanded, looking from me to Jack.

"Smith." Jack answered without missing a beat. "Or Smithy, if you like."

Murtogg and Mullroy turned to look at me expectantly. I think even Jack was curious as to what my name was.

"Victoria… van Dort." Van Dort? Talk about having a Corpse Bride moment.

"What's your purpose in Port Royal, Miss van Dort?" Murtogg asked.

"I'm somewhat of a voodoo priestess, if you would. I bring good luck. The deities have sent me to watch over Mr. Smith here." I winked at Jack, who didn't seem to off about the fact that he now had a good luck charm.

"And yours, Mr. Smith?" Mullroy asked.

"No lies!" Murtogg added. I couldn't help but snort.

"Well, then, I confess. It is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, and then raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out." Jack answered truthfully. I managed to applaud him, even with my arm being grasped by Mullroy.

"I said no lies!" Murtogg declared, giving Jack an accusing look.

"I think he's telling the truth." Mullroy muttered out of the side of his mouth. Jack watched them, amused. My arm was beginning to fall asleep.

"If he was telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us," Murtogg replied as if it were the most obvious thing ever.

"Unless of course," I jumped in. I thing Jack was really getting annoyed with my cutting him off all the time. "he knew you wouldn't believe the truth, even if he told it to you." They get me odd looks. Big surprise.

OMGBIGSPLASHLIKEWOAH!


Yep yep, that's the end of chapter one. I hope it doesn't suck. If there's anything you think I could improve on, please tell me and I'll try harder. Sincerely.