Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Star Trek Voyager characters, starships, sonic showers, etc. THEY DO NOT BELONG TO ME!

Where Did Everybody Go?

Stardate 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10 "We have encountered yet another alien species that's only difference from us, is a forehead ridge. This is beginning to get annoying. They want to trade a few pounds of coffee beans and 2 potholders for our warp core, which seems like a fair deal to me. I have called a staff meeting for the senior crew. I can just keep the rest of the vrew in the dark. Besides, I don't even think they will notice if the warp core is missing.

Meeting Room Place

Janeway: I am going to make this straight and to the point. I am trading our warp core for a few pounds of coffee, and 2 potholders.

Harry: But capta-

Tuvok: -Nasal voice- Coffee, coffee, coffee!

Janeway: Tom, have you given him his medication yet?

Tom: Yes, I have, I've been wondering what his problem is. He usually calms down right after it.

Chakotay: I shall consult my animal spirit on this matter. -Gets in to yoga position-

Chakotay: Ummmmmm! Ummmmmmm! Ummmmmm! Ummmmmmm!

Janeway: He should be done in a little while, now, back to the subject of the coffee.

Harry: Captain, may I-

B'lanna: Captain, not everyone likes coffee, and there won't be enough to go around, why, that few pounds of coffee would only last a couple of seconds.

Janeway: Still, I need my coffee! This replicator stuff is awful! It tastes like those grubs I was addicted to in 3rd grade.

Tuvok: Zoink! Twang!

Janeway: Tuvok, I couldn't agree more! We'll trade the core! Meeting dismissed.

The group gets up and leaves, each one of them banging their heads on the top of the doorframe as they go out. They walk on to the bridge, which is decorated in the colors of the rainbow.

Janeway: Tuvok has been finger-painting again.

Tuvok: Birdie! Braaap!

Doctor: I'll go check his medication. Some prankster may have put some laxatives in it again.

Tuvok: Poopie! Ouch!

1 hour later.

Bridge

Tuvok: Uh-oh! Wee-wee! He-he-he-he!

Janeway: Mr.Kim, get out the mop again.

Harry: Uh. Well, you see. Um. I'm, I'm picking up something! Yeah! That's it! -Starts stabbing random buttons-

Computer: Warning, warp core overload in progress, eject warp core.

Janeway: Holy jumping chocolate covered coffee beans! The forehead ridges must be trying to get us to eject the warp core so they can steal it! Tuvok! Fire photon torpedoes at their ship! Full spread!

Tuvok: Pretty colors.

Outside view

Voyager fires its torpedoes at the enemy ship. They get closer and closer, the aliens watch in horror as the signs that say things like, "Say it, don't spray it!" and "Work at home! 1-800-IGYP-EDU" The film slows down as they get close.

Aliens: Nnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

Since the film is going so slowly, the torpedoes don't detonate when they hit the ship, they just bounce off. Film speed normal.

Janeway: They must have some kind of advanced armor! Our torpedoes just bounce right off!

Harry: Captain, we are being hailed!

Janeway: -Mr.Kim, it can not 'hail' in outer space!

Harry: No, captain. It means that we are receiving a live chat invitation with the other ship.

Janeway: Ohhh! So THAT'S what that word means! -Looks at screen- I ACCEPT YOUR INVITATION!

The screen comes on, to show an alien with a forehead ridge

Alien: Captainth Janewayth, andth theth crewth ofth theth starshipth Voyagerth!

Tuvok: Funny man!

Alien: Preapreth toth beth destroyedth!

Janeway: ... Huh?

Alien: Preapreth toth beth destroyedth!

Janeway: ... Huh?

Alien: Preapreth toth- ah, what the heck. We are going to fire upon you madam, I suggest that you consider your situation and surrender.

Janeway: Never! I will defend my coffe- this ship with my life!

The alien ship opens an inch long hatch up on top, and a weapon telescopes out to around a few thousand feet, getting larger as it goes.

Janeway: What is it.. I've seen it before. Somewhere..

Tom: Its.

Harry: Its.

Everyone on bridge: Its.

Tuvok: Ants burn!

Bridge: GASP!

Janeway: It's a magnifying glass!

What will happen to the crew of the starship Voyager? Will they be able to escape the Magnifying glass? How much coffee has Janeway had? Will Chakotay every get finished talking with his animal spirit? Do monkeys marry? All of these answers on the next, Star Trek Voyager!