Chapter 1

Roy looked around at all the students and realized, with excitement, that it was the last year before he'd join Marth and Katie in the residents box. They were sitting there to watch a match between Samus and Venom. Roy thought, personally, that Samus had basically no chance. Venom could absorb anything but physical attacks, so, she wasn't going to be able to do much with her fancy guns and missiles. Quite frankly, Roy thought there was no question about it. Venom was gonna win. The match began as nearly every match did, small tactics to raise the percentages of the opponents, and then they brought out the heavy artillery (literally, in Samus' case). Roy watched, thinking about how much more he'd rather be the one fighting then sitting on his tail. Samus was too agile for Venom to catch, and Venom was too big and stupid to dodge any of Samus' attacks, most of which, as Roy had thought, were being absorbed. He glanced over at Marth and his wife, Jenny, who were kissing in public again. Then Roy glanced beside them at Katie, his girlfriend, who was watching the match with a look of complete boredom, just like Roy. It made him happier to think he wasn't the only one who hated watching the All-Star matches. Having creamed his opponents in his own All-Star matches, Roy always knew exactly what was happening. It didn't help, either, that the Hand Bros. were refereeing. Crazy Hand and Master Hand were usually fighting over something stupid at the worst possible times, and today was no exception. Master Hand was yelling at Crazy Hand for his constant twitching, and Crazy Hand was completely ignoring him, and moving his fingers wildly. Roy rolled his eyes and yawned.

"Yo, big mouth," said the very rude voice or Young Link behind Roy.

Roy turned and looked behind him to see Bart Simpson and Young Link, two school trouble-makers, sneering at him. Roy raised one eyebrow.

"You can't tell me you're enjoying this," said Roy.

At this, they had nothing to say. Roy nodded his head once and turned just in time to see Venom wrapping his tentacle around Samus' wrists and feet and tossing her onto the ground, to which Samus responded by throwing a long line of electricity out at Venom, which shocked the suit off of him and he reverted to Eddie Brock. Samus fired one lone missile at him and threw him out into the warp zone, signifying her victory.

"Finally!" said Roy, standing up, stretching, and walking away.

He was the first out of the stadium.

Roy moved down the stairs as fast as he could and, as he had expected, found Marth and Katie at the bottom.

"Took long enough," said Marth. "The damn match. Why does the principal force us to come to everyone's all-star matches?"

Roy shrugged.

"Your guess is as good as mine," he replied, truthfully.

Katie looked between the two of them.

"Where was Ganondorf?" she asked.

"Behind you," came Ganondorf's voice.

They spun on their heels to see Ganondorf, Bart, and Young Link standing there.

"It's amazing how ridiculously arrogant you are, Ganondorf," said Roy.

Ganondorf smirked and replied as if Roy had complimented him.

"Maybe it's your lack of understanding that makes you say such nice things about me," he said. "Otherwise you would realize that we're supposed to hate each other, so you shouldn't say anything nice about me."

"Is it your overgrown tongue that makes you sound so unintelligible, or is it how stupid you are," asked Katie.

Ganondorf tried to look unimpressed, but it was futile. The creases on his forehead told Roy he was thinking hard about how to reply to that.

"At least we don't have… um…" said Bart. "At least we don't kiss in public."

Roy tried to pretend he didn't agree with Bart on that one, but it was no use. He couldn't resist shooting Marth a look that said "I told you so". Marth didn't look happy, but he had a reply.

"Why don't you go play in the blender!" he said. "Or, better yet, hell! It's where you belong, anyway!"

Ganondorf's fist turned purple and he lashed out towards Marth. Roy intercepted it with his counter and thrust his sword back at Ganondorf, covering him in flames. Young Link, his own sword out, jumped toward Katie, who responded by back flipping, throwing Young Link over herself. She threw a hand into her pocket and chucked a smoke grenade at Young Link. Bart grabbed his skateboard from beneath his feet and swung at Marth, who performed his dolphin slash, knocking Bart back. The trio looked down at their enemies on the ground.

"Maybe you should practice more, 'cause you're all a little… out of shape," said Roy, smirking.

Ganondorf looked livid.

"Alright, alright, you win this little spar, but how about a big match?" he said. "A real match? Or are you too chicken?"

Roy looked at his friend and girlfriend.

"Why not? asked Katie.

"Sure thing," said Marth.

"You're on, Ganondorf," said Roy. "When?"

Ganondorf, Bart, and Young Link regained their feet.

"Tonight at eight o'clock," said Ganondorf.

"Where?" asked Roy.

"The Baxter Building," said Ganondorf.

"Rules?" asked Katie.

"Teams," said Bart. "Us three against you idiots."

"Done," said Marth. "See you later, freaks of nature."

"You have to admit, Bart's right about…" began Roy,

"…I KNOW, I KNOW!" interrupted Marth. "YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME!"

Roy picked his lunch with his fork.

"Is this going to become another stupid fight?" asked Katie. "'Cause I wanna save all the fighting for kicking Ganondorf's…"

"…yes, we know," said Roy.

Katie silently took a bite of lunch and glanced around. Her eyes fell directly on the last person she ever wanted to see… Cindy Jones came strutting up to them.

"You know, it's impolite to eat with other girls when you know who you belong with, Roy," she said.

"You know, it's impolite to live when nobody likes you," said Roy.

Cindy looked like she was gonna leave a red mark on Roy's face, but she restrained herself.

"At least I know how to debate," said Cindy.

"Great, when I understand a word coming out of your fat mouth, I'll talk to you," said Roy.

If it hadn't been the guy she was trying to date, she probably would've killed Roy in cold blood.

"You shouldn't tease your girlfriend," said Cindy walking away.

"I didn't!" called Roy. "Just you!"

Marth looked thoroughly unimpressed.

"I remember a long time ago when you were trying to pick her up and then you just did it," said Marth. "Funny how that all changed."

"The day I discovered the real Cindy… yes, I know you helped, Marth, you can stop looking at me that way," said Roy.

"Who cares?" asked Katie.

Roy opened his mouth to say something then shut up when he saw the look on Katie's face.

At seven-thirty, the alarm clock blared. Roy jumped up and forgot that that Katie had been sleeping comfortably on his chest, which didn't make her happy. Nobody likes to be thrown off their bed after having sex, but Katie especially didn't like it.

"Roy, what the hell's wrong with you!" she yelled.

"The alarm clock woke me up," said Roy.

"What's the big event?" asked Katie, climbing back onto the bed.

"The match against Ganondorf, Bart, and Young Link," said Roy.

Katie rolled her eyes.

"You know, maybe we should've remembered that before we…" began Katie,

"…yeah, yeah, yeah," said Roy.

After getting set for their match, Roy had a hard time finding another blue headband. Then Katie insisted on buying more ammunition for her guns, even though she had over three hundred shots left in each one, and she didn't need any more grenades either, but Roy wasn't interested in making her even angrier, so he kept his remarks to himself.

"Where in god's fiery hell have you been?' asked Marth, impatiently at the bottom of the stairs to the school. "We've got five minutes to drag our sorry tails down to the stadium!"

Roy quickly forgot not to offend Katie and snapped back.

"Don't look at me!" he shouted. "Katie's the one who had to buy more ammo and hand grenades, even though you have over three hundred of each!"

"It's Ganondorf!" said Katie. "Need I say more!"

"Maybe you should've thought of that before you dragged me under the blankets!" yelled Roy.

"Hey, don't snap at me 'cause I can think ahead of time!" said Katie.

"You know what?" said Marth. "Here's what I think. A: If you get any busier, you're gonna lose the necessary body parts. B: You don't use all your equipment much during matches, Katie. C: I know you and your hair, Roy. D: Could we go down to the stadium and, kindly, HAVE THIS DAMN MATCH!"

Nobody said anything else. They just went down to the stadium to have that damn match.

"You're late," said Young Link, when Roy, Katie, and Marth finally arrived.

"Too retarded to find the place?" asked Bart.

"Now, now, we shouldn't use such big words," said Ganondorf. "They might not understand them."

Roy, Katie, and Marth, used to these insults, just climbed onto their spawn platforms and warped to the Baxter Building Arena.