Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Author's Notes: Sadly (or comically), this story is inspired by real events. I actually have friends immature enough to do this.

Boba Out of Hell

Four o'clock found Sasuke sitting on top of a toilet in a movie theatre bathroom stall, trying to avoid detection. He listened carefully to the sounds of a faucet running and the swinging of the door, and then in the silence he gingerly placed his foot on the floor and unlocked the stall. Except for him and a few stray popcorn kernels the washroom was deserted.

As stealthily as he could manage, Sasuke crept back into the theatre, trying very hard to remain hidden. He had almost made it when-

"Stop right there, young man!" shouted the security guard. When Sasuke could not present a valid ticket or decent excuse, the guard pulled him to the exit and shoved him roughly out the door. "If I catch you doing this again, I'll call the cops," he sniffed and slammed the door.

Sasuke frowned, annoyed. It wasn't his fault that his older brother had swiped his allowance for pachinko money. He hauled himself up and wiped the asphalt off his arms. Fine then, he thought. I'll just wait them out. He smiled to himself; it definitely helped that he knew where they were headed next.

It was a quick walk from the movies to the mall, but it started drizzling en route. Sasuke managed to get inside before he got too wet and ordered himself a bubble tea from the food court. Positioning himself in a dark, dry corner, he lay in wait.

Sure enough, not five minutes later he attained visuals of his targets. Or rather, target- the spare could go to hell and rot there as far as Sasuke was concerned.

"So what did you think of the movie?" chirped Sakura to her companion, a bug-eyed boy named Lee. They had gotten drinks now, and were seated at a table within earshot of Sasuke.

"I thought it was marvelous. One of the most evocative films of the year," replied Lee. "I particularly enjoyed Sugiyama-san's performance. I think that he and Nakamura have real chemistry in front of the camera."

Well, look who's the closet film critic, thought Sasuke spitefully, spinning the tapioca pearls around the bottom of his cup with his straw. Sakura gave Lee a bright smile and Sasuke almost melted with jealousy and the irony of it all.

Sakura had had a preference for him, even when they were little kids, but it wasn't until recently that Sasuke had began to look at his neighbor a little differently. It had all started, he supposed, with that time that he walked in on her.

It really wasn't a rare occurrence for Sasuke to be over at Sakura's house. He had played there a lot when he was younger and he even had a spare key for when he house-sat for the Haruno's, and this time his mother had sent him to pick up some books for a charity drive she was helping to organize. Sakura's mom and his mom were close, so it was only natural that Haruno-san contribute; they were always doing blood drives and runs for charity together.

"I've got a whole box full up in Sakura's room," said Haruno-san. "She's been purging through her library too, but I'm sure she's done by now."

Sasuke had nodded and headed up the stairs towards Sakura's room. Automatically he grabbed the doorknob and let himself in. "Hey Sakura, can I have the-"

"AH!" Sakura shrieked, pulling a towel closer to her body. "Get-"

She hadn't even needed to finish her sentence before Sasuke bolted out of Sakura's room, slamming the door behind him. Mortified, he leaned against the wall and tried to compute what had just happened. It was not unusual for him to barge in unannounced, but he had never caught her changing before. He had also never seen Sakura naked before, and whenever he closed his eyes, the visage of her clutching a towel to her bare chest came to mind. Sasuke blushed, but try as he might he could not rid the image from his head.

A few minutes later, a fully garbed Sakura shuffled out of her room with a large cardboard box filled with books. She was looking down at anything except him, and her face was just as flushed as his. For an agonizing moment the two just stood there, not knowing what to do.

Finally Sakura muttered "Here," and shoved the book into Sasuke's arms. She ran back into her room and slammed the door.

"Something wrong?" asked Haruno-san when Sasuke came back down stairs. "I heard a shout."

Sasuke blushed harder, if that was possible. "Sakura saw a spider," he sputtered and hightailed it out of the sliding glass door.

That night, a curious Sasuke had flipped through yearbooks from semesters past. When had Sakura become so… pretty? He hadn't really looked at her in a long time, and gone was the short, skinny girl with too high a forehead. Now she was an authentic sixteen year old young woman and had the looks and curves to match. Sasuke went to bed that night still unable to get Sakura out of his head.

That had been a few weeks ago. Since that time, Sasuke had noticed other things about Sakura that he had overlooked before. First off, she sure seemed to drink a lot of boba tea. Secondly, when had she bought that dress and since when did her mother let her wear stuff like that? Not that it was inappropriate or anything, it just made her look very grown up. A lot more grown up that Sasuke felt. But perhaps most disturbingly, Sasuke became painfully aware that she no longer asked him out.

Since middle school Sakura had been trying to weasel her way into Sasuke's spare time. She had started with official-sounding confessions and proposals in seventh grade. "Will you go out with me, Sasuke?" she had begged in front of the entire class. At the time Sasuke's face had lit up in embarrassment and in retrospect he had shot her down a little more harshly than she deserved, but it had never stopped her from asking again. By high school, she had moved on to more subtle requests when they were in private, like, "Hey, Ino-chan, Hinata-chan, Naruto and I are going to the beach this weekend, do you want to come?" or sometimes "Sasuke, want to hang out sometime this weekend?" But Sasuke always had plans, and although a part of him wanted to go, the idea of hanging out with Sakura made him feel strange, like he was entering unsure territory.

He had not really known then the root of his discomfort at the time, but watching Lee and Sakura chitchat from across the food court only intensified the feeling. Only yesterday she had asked him to accompany her to the same movie and he had almost- almost! said yes, until he remember what he was beginning to think of as the Towel Incident. It had never occurred to him that she would ask someone else, or that someone else would agree. He had happened to overhear Naruto mention to Neji that Sakura had a date with an upperclassman in the locker room before soccer practice. When Neji confirmed that yes, his friend Lee was going, Sasuke had grabbed his backpack and headed out the door. He could hear Naruto snickering behind him, but to hell with Naruto. To hell with soccer practice. He was going to the movies.

Just thinking about it made Sasuke seethe. Taking another sip of his tea, he wished he could throw something at Lee's head and wipe that stupid grin off his face. Through the straw a tapioca pearl bumped into his teeth.

Suddenly Sasuke had an idea. Keeping the pearl in his mouth, he pulled the straw out of his cup and brought the empty tube to his lips. He maneuvered the pearl back into the straw and took aim.

With a sharp breath, he sent a boba ball hurtling towards Lee at a million miles an hour. With a satisfying SPLITH noise, the sticky mass collided with the back of Lee's head and stuck in his hair like a grotesquely oversized, purple louse. Lee jerked up and his hands flew to the back of his head.

"What's wrong?" asked Sakura, looking at Lee like he had grown an extra head.

Perplexed, Lee shrugged and dropped his hands. "I thought I felt something hit the back of my head, Sakura-chan, but I must have imag-"

THWAP! Another pearl struck Lee's head and bounced onto the floor, where Sakura noticed it.

Sasuke smiled. Why not go for an even three? He lifted his blow-dart shooter to his mouth again and fired. Unfortunately Sakura chose this time to get up and investigate the back of Lee's head- and block the target. Three seconds later there was a boba ball lodged in her own hair. With lightning speed she pivoted around and stared angrily around the food court. Sasuke dodged underneath behind a nearby counter as Sakura's eyes glazed over the spot he had been sitting at.

She frowned. "Um, Lee, I had a lot of fun, but I think I'd better be going. See you later, ok?" she said and scampered off before Lee could make another move. Sasuke breathed a sigh of relief. He knew for a fact that Sakura was saving her first kiss for him, and the idea of Sakura throwing away something that was rightfully his- to someone like Lee, no less- gave him the overwhelming urge to vomit. Satisfied, he crept toward the door and ran all the way home.

Since he didn't live far, Sasuke actually beat Sakura home on foot, even though she had taken her parent's car. It was raining harder now and by the time he got home he was soaking, but at least he felt better. Sakura'll never see that Lee freak again, he thought proudly. Sasuke was just beginning to rummage for a victory snack in the refrigerator when he heard a knock at the door.

Without waiting for him to answer it, Sakura marched through the living room and into the kitchen. Sasuke's pulse picked up slightly.

"Sasuke," she said tensely, shutting the refrigerator door near his face, "were you perchance at the mall today?"

Sasuke straightened up, trying to keep a calm face. "No," he grunted. "I was at soccer practice." As evidence, he shook his hair and sprayed drops of water on the floor. He reopened the fridge and turned away from her. "Where were you?" he asked as nonchalantly as he could.

Sakura sighed. "I was out."

"Like on a date?" Sasuke pulled out a can of soda and a tomato.

"Yeah, you could say that."

"Have fun?" asked Sasuke viciously.

Sakura stepped closer to him, trapping him in front of the counter. Sasuke's heart pounded so loud he was surprised she couldn't hear it. "Sort of," she purred, a smile on her face. She twined her arms around his neck and moved a little closer, so that Sasuke's back was pressed up against the counter. "But you know what would have been more fun?"

"What?" Sasuke played along as tonelessly as he could manage.

Sakura smirked. In a split second she swooped up and pressed her lips to Sasuke's. Sasuke involuntarily jumped at the sudden contact but kissed her back, getting caught up with the sudden pounding of his heart in his own ears. Her mouth was pushing against his really hard and she was running her hands through his hair and-

SMACK! She slapped him across the face. Sasuke staggered.

"I knew it," she huffed, holding up a small pearl from his hair. "I can't believe you, Uchiha Sasuke!" With that, she turned on her heel and left him, breathless and pained, on his kitchen floor, where his brother found him ten minutes later.

"What's with you?" snorted Itachi, plunking a handful of pachinko prize trinkets onto the table. "Have a fight with your girlfriend?" he drawled mockingly.

"Go to hell!"