AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is yet another one of my earlier works of fanfiction ^^' I guess this came mostly from my wanting to explore the concepts of Nobodies their "non-existence," and their (supposed) lack of hearts. I, for one questioned the whole "Nobodies-don't-have-hearts-thus-they-are-feelingless" theory from the beginning, mainly because of what I saw in Axel up to that point. This fic pretty much started from a line I wrote in one of my notebooks that is present here: "We call ourselves "Nobodies," non-existent beings, and yet, here we are, seemingly existing. Yes, we have but a tenuous hold on existence, but then again, don't we all?" When I wrote it, I imagined it coming from Axel's perspective. And some time later, I decided to write a fic around that, in the form of Axel writing in a journal. (I changed the wording of that line since then) My only downfall in this may have been that I may have made Axel "write" too formally, but I didn't want to sacrifice grammatical accuracy for realism -.-'
I hope it isn't too noticable ^^'


Hey, the name's Axel, got it memorized?

Not sure what to write here, Demyx got me this journal for my "birthday"; that is, when I came into this non-existence. He thinks I keep to myself a bit too much. Actually, I'm trying to keep away from him…Anyway…I guess I DO have some things on my mind that I can't really talk about with anyone else. Maybe Demyx is right…a stopped clock is right twice a day, right? Or this could be one of his dumb pranks…

Anyway...most of the members of the Organization are searching for knowledge (the others just seem to be along for the ride); as am I. For knowledge of the heart, and of Kingdom Hearts.

We call ourselves "Nobodies," non-existent beings, and yet, here we are, seemingly existing. Yes, we seem to have but a tenuous hold on existence, but then again, doesn't everyone?

They tell us that we don't have hearts, and most take that to be a fact. (Demyx doesn't seem to fully believe it.) I used to, given the lack of such a sensation in my chest at the time, but lately I've been having doubts about this statement accepted as fact.

From the day I first met Roxas, everything changed. He is different from anyone I have ever met. He makes me, as crazy as it might sound, feel like I have a heart.

What if all the things we've been told about "Nobodies" are wrong? What if we actually DO have hearts, and they are teetering on the edge of existence like we are? A heart so small and frail that most can't even feel it? One that is so weak that it fades away with the rest of our non-being? One that a Heartless wouldn't want, for it would disintegrate in their clutches? A remnant, a cast shadow of the heart that we once had?

The way Roxas makes me feel isn't described in any of our studies or books, but I know it's real. Well, as real as it CAN be, anyway…If anyone else in the Organization has felt this way around Roxas, they aren't talking about it. Perhaps I am the only one here who feels this way. Maybe Roxas and I were meant to meet in this life or something. Yes, I do believe in such things, at least I do now; like past and future lives, the meant-to-be's; hell, even in soul mates. Hey, there isn't anything out there that proves that they DON'T exist, is there? Perhaps us being together and being this close is part of some greater cosmic plan that I am not aware of. Or maybe Vexen was right when he said that humans tend to like giving greater meaning to some pretty random crap. All I know is that Roxas makes me feel better than anyone else ever has; he makes me feel like a better person.

And I never want him to leave.


End note: I revamped this slightly from the original when typing it up; fixing stuff, adding lines, clarifying, etc. A couple new lines in this were pretty much inspired by one of my two best friends, a militant agnostic ;D
The first one's obvious (the line where he says that there isn't anything that proves that some metaphysical concepts do or don't exist), the second one I drew from one an answer to a question on one of her Myspace surveys; I attributed it to Vexen because it sounded like something a scientist might say xD

I wrote two other "entries" to this, which I have typed up and loaded into fanfiction, but still need to edit. So expect those sometime in the near future :)