Disclaimer: I'm just out for a joyride in J.K. Rowling's Mercedes-Benz. I'll be returning to my very own Pinto soon.
These thoughts had been plaguing him for a while. For seven years to be exact.
He was not happy where he was. He was not happy where he had been. He was coming to terms with the realization that he did not know how to be happy.
Harry Potter lay in bed contemplating these thoughts. Any thought he had of a time when he had been happy was two-fold, as each happy memory had an equally unhappy counterpart. As it was, he more often found himself obsessed with the unhappy ones than those that were happy.
Disgusted, he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He stretched and stood. He had absolutely no hope of getting any sleep, even though he tried every night. This was merely a routine, something that Harry found comfort in. He dressed slowly, pulling on a pair of jeans and a sweater. Out of habit he put his wand in his pocket and left his tiny apartment.
Once out on the street Harry let his feet direct his way, as Harry's eyes were too busy watching the scene. A familiar warning echoed in the back of his mind. Constant vigilance. He could not deny that even out in the Muggle world he practiced it. Especially in a city of this size. Crime happened everywhere, around everyone. Unfortunately, Harry was never able to get rid of that nasty heroic habit of his. He was that man who helped little old ladies cross the street and ran down muggers to retrieve the victim's wallet. Old habits die hard, Harry shrugged.
He turned a corner and entered a little hole in the wall bar. He settled onto the stool in the corner, the same one in which he always sat. The bartender, a rotund man named Salley for some unknown reason, waddled over to where Harry sat and leaned against the bar.
"Hey there, English. Whiskey and a Guinness?" Harry nodded somberly. He hated the nickname that Salley had saddled him with his first time he had come into the bar, one year prior.
Salley poured Harry's drinks and placed them in front of him. Harry downed the whiskey first before turning his attention to his Guinness. Salley would often stand across from Harry at the bar for the first fifteen minutes that Harry was there, hoping that Harry would initiate a conversation. As Harry never did, Salley would begin rambling on about his youth. Harry was content to listen to Salley and put in his own two cents here and there, but he rarely went in depth with him. He found it easier to listen than to speak.
Tonight, however, was different. After giving Harry his drinks, Salley had gone back to the other end of the bar where he was deep in conversation with a woman Harry had never seen before. Harry shrugged and began to drift off into his own thoughts. A television flashed the news above the bar and snapped Harry back to reality when the newscaster relayed the date.
"Good evening, today is May 12th and this is today's news." Harry bristled at the date.
"Salley!" He called down the bar. "Is today really May 12th?"
Salley looked up, surprise evident on his face. "Well, that's a replay of the evening news. As it's a bit after midnight, it's actually the 13th, if that's more acceptable to you, English."
Harry said nothing, but quickly drained his pint. "Salley, I'm going to need another."
Salley left his conversation and pulled another pint for Harry. He brought it over to Harry and leaned into him conspiratorially. "Listen, English, don't let it get to you."
Harry laughed bitterly. "It's not the anniversary of getting my heart broken or anything, Salley. Trust me, this is well deserved."
Salley smiled sadly. "Harry, I know."
Harry looked up in shock. He had never once told Salley his name. He knew it for a fact because he never told anyone his name. Just the same that if recognition ever flashed in the eyes of someone he met, he left. Quickly.
"What did you say?" Harry tried, but could not keep the surprise from his voice.
Salley stared at him intently. He saw fear lurking in Harry's eyes. Salley smiled brightly. "I said, you know best English. I'm gonna go finish up my conversation here. You need anything else, you let me know." Salley turned and retreated to his conversation.
Harry watched him return to his conversation with the woman down the bar. He felt the old paranoia sweep over him. Was she a witch? Was she telling Salley all about him? He felt the urge to run. As it was he had stayed too long in New York City. He had not stayed more than one year in any place, but he had truly felt invisible here. Was he found?
He fought the old urges and decided to stay put for the time being. Harry was sure he was just imagining the fact that the old man had called him by his name. He laughed inwardly. He really needed some sleep. If there was just something he could do to get some.
Harry watched Salley and the woman for a few moments. It did not appear that they were discussing him, so Harry turned back to his pint.
Seven years, he mused. I'll bet Hermione and Ron have tons of kids. He found that image rather amusing and tried to imagine Ron herding a gaggle of children down a street. He was sure that Hermione was some sort of high-ranking official and that Ron was the stay at home dad. This image was even more amusing than the last.
He chuckled and finished his second pint. "Salley! Another! How about another whiskey as well? Tonight's a special night."
Salley smiled sadly and prepared the drinks. As he did, the woman moved from the other side of the bar to Harry's. She smiled at Harry.
"Celebrating?" She held out her hand. "The name's Sheila. I thought it would be easier for Salley if I came down this way, as we're the only two in the place."
Harry shook her hand, feeling more inclined towards conversation than he had in years. "They call me English."
"So I gathered." She sipped her beer lightly. "From Britain, then?"
"What? Is my accent not thick enough for you? I suppose I've been a bit Americanized." Harry downed his second whiskey. "So what brings you to Salley's, Sheila?"
Salley shook his head. "Now, Sheila, I do believe this is more than I have ever heard this one speak in the year he has been coming here. I think you may have an admirer."
Harry smiled a little sloppily as Sheila rolled her eyes. "Please, I am much too old for this one. He's just a kid!" She turned her attention back to Harry. "You got a name, English?"
Although he was feeling a little blurry around the edges, Harry was sober enough to realize she was prying. Harry hated when people pried. "Nah, 'round here English is good enough for me."
Sheila smiled slightly. "Well that's a little sad, don't you think? Drinking alone, not even telling anyone your name? It must be hard to actually realize you exist, don't you think?"
Harry pondered this question for a moment and chose his words carefully when he chose to answer. "You're a little nosey, don't you think?"
Sheila laughed loudly at this. "You caught me! I'm a regular busybody. Salley, get this boy another drink on me. Another whiskey, English?"
Harry nodded.
Several drinks later, Harry was incredibly drunk. He chattered incessantly with Sheila and Salley, even though somewhere behind the alcohol induced cloud warning bells were going off.
Sheila looked at him sagely. "So, English, you ready to answer that question I asked you earlier?"
Harry turn his unfocused eyes on her. "What question?"
"Well, I asked you if it was hard to exist with no one knowing who you are."
Harry smiled widely. "But people do know who I am!"
"And who is that?" Sheila and Salley appeared to be hanging on his every word.
Harry, extremely social in his intoxicated state, did not fail to notice that he was the center of attention and he liked it. So he continued to speak. "Everyone!" He laughed hysterically.
Sheila prodded him. "Everyone?"
"Of course," Harry nodded as though he was a bobble-head doll. "Not that it matters, really. I disappeared you know."
"Oh really?"
"Yep, you asked how I exist. The answer is simple. I don't want to exist!" He slapped the bar with his hand and laughed uproariously.
Sheila and Salley exchanged glances. "Excuse me, I need to use the washroom," Sheila stood up. Harry had grown very observant in the past seven years, and had he not been drinking he would have noticed that Sheila actually went behind the bar and into the office rather than to the washrooms, which were in the exact opposite direction.
Harry continued to laugh to himself and Salley was glancing nervously back towards the office, frightened that Harry would notice Sheila had not gone to the washroom. Sheila returned in less than five minutes.
"Half an hour," she murmured to Salley as she sat down.
"What was that?" Harry's voice seemed to have risen several notches in the course of his drinking.
"Nothing, English. Just asking Salley for another beer."
Harry nodded blearily. He simply wanted to rest his head on the bar. "Maybe...maybe I should get home."
Salley shot Sheila an alarmed look. Taking it in stride, Sheila merely shook her head at Harry. "Aww, come on English. You haven't had that much. Let's have one more drink, eh?"
Unable to fight her, Harry consented. Salley pulled two more pints and placed them in front of his only two customers. Normally, Harry would have wondered why there was no one else present in the bar that night. On this night, however, Harry just reveled in the fact that Salley was at his beck and call.
But Harry did want to go home. He wanted to crawl into bed and hoped he would be able to sleep. He downed his beer quickly and turned to Sheila. "I'm really going now. I've got to...just going to...bye."
He stood up shakily and walked to the door. Salley turned his attention towards Sheila, but she just nodded. Harry walked to the door on rubber legs, but before he could reach it, the door opened.
Harry looked at the figure that was entering the bar. His mouth became a giant "O". He began to shake his head violently. Words swam just below his grasp and the only word he could get a decent grip on was the word "no". So he said it. Loudly.
"NO!"
Albus Dumbledore just smiled benignly. "Hello Harry."
Author's Note: As this is my first fanfiction, I am VERY interested in hearing what you all have to say! All constructive criticisms welcome.
