Why is human blood so enticing?

Two murders. I have committed two murders and my desire to kill again has increased to an uncontrollable level. It has been six months since I've killed a human and it has not gotten any easier controlling this deadly urge. It all started the day I became a monster about six months ago—that was when my world changed completely. My world was no longer my world—it turned into a world of uncontrollable hunger, a world of an instant feeding urgency, a world where my life consisted of new lethal inhuman senses.

My memory of the day I became a monster is hazily absent from my mind. I only remember the pain—the pain that surged through my body for days. I had screamed for death. The pain felt like electricity surging through my veins. I longed for death, but death had other plans for me.

Why did this happen to me? Why do I not remember how I became this abomination? Why am I a monster?

When I awoke after days of piercing pain, I was no longer myself—I was no longer human. My senses were intense and ravenous. There was a monster deep in my chest growling—awakening, ready, waiting, wanting. To my horror, my nonexistent heart remained quiet. I knew I was dead, but how could this be. The air I breathed filled nonexpanding lungs but gifted my nose with a new keen sense. At that moment, I was a ravaging monster with powerful senses wanting only to feed and the scent of something my body wanted was dangerously in close range. My new feeding urgency puzzled me. As soon as I slightly controlled my struggle with hunger, I realized I was in the middle of nowhere. Why was I in the middle of the woods? Who had left me here?

The last thing I remember was walking out of my house in Astoria Oregon heading for school. I had turned to lock my door and that is the last memory of that day I can muster from my mind. I have tried to remember anything after that moment and have only come up with short flashes of memory—of a face ravenous with red eyes—of predator-type growls—and of the scent of my own blood. The only clear memory I have is the agony I felt, an agonizing pain that started on my neck and then flowed through my entire body. The pain was so unbearable, I was unable to decipher day between night and hours to days. After the pain lessened, my hunger surged and snapped me into alert mode. The monster within me intensified and snarled as soon as the delicious scent crossed my path again. The scent was nothing I had ever noticed before—I even tasted it on my tongue. I turned toward the scent and my every movement was quick, sharp, and sheer perfection heading toward something I wanted incalculably. My speed amazed and scared me. As I drew nearer, my limbs were unstoppable moving toward this unfortunate scent. The sweet taste that was in my mouth was now gone and a new acidic taste lingered.

I had heard them before I saw them. I came upon the campsite at dawn and they both were snoring soundly. I tried—I truly tried—to stop the inevitable, but I couldn't stop—my mind fought with my body, but my voracious body was too strong. I lunged for the quieter one of the two. His veins called to me, his blood intoxicated my senses. To my surprise, I had lunged instinctually for his jugular—a skill I acquired out of nowhere. I could not control myself—I could not keep the beast at bay. After I properly drained his blood, I pounced on the other victim—who was thankfully still sleeping. After my monster had its fill, I just froze where I stood, confused, disgusted, distraught. I drained both men dry. Their lifeless bodies pained me. How could I do such a horrific thing? I'm a monster. Unnatural. Evil. I torched the campsite before I left—ashamed, disgusted, and bewildered. Watching the fire grow and grow, I swore to myself I would never kill a human again. I decided to banish myself from humanity. I ran north nonstop until the scent of humans was completely gone.

I have kept this distance for six months and unfortunately my body has gotten weaker and weaker. I have not fed since that time, and have stayed in a makeshift gravesite, ready and waiting for death. Although after six months of sheer hunger pains and weakness, my body seems to not want to let go—although as I am technically dead what more can happen to me. I don't sleep, I don't eat, I don't drink, what more is left? What is left to takeaway when death has already come?

What is a monster to do?