Disclaimer: I don't own Howl's Moving Castle. Diana Wynne Jones does.

Living with Howl

Chapter 1

Sophie rolled and heaved a frustrated sigh. She stared at the bottom of the stairs that stretched over her small cubby where she slept. She had agreed to live with Howl after she had seen how much he loved her, but, in spite of his pleading and prodding, she had refused to move from the small space that had been her bed for so long. She wasn't ready. It was improper for her to sleep in Howl's room and, if she was being honest, she was still terrified to give herself completely to him. She had waved away Lettie's warnings when she had told Sophie that Howl couldn't be trusted. "He's too fickle Sophie," Lettie had told her. "He may say he loves you, but what's to stop him from leaving. You'll only get hurt in the end." Sophie rolled onto her side. Though she firmly stuck to the sleeping arrangements, she couldn't keep her thoughts from roaming upstairs to the sleeping wizard's room. She couldn't help but think about how it would feel to sleep curled up next to Howl; how his body would feel against hers. She shut her eyes. At first she had tried to push these thoughts aside, but she found it nearly impossible to stop her mind enough to fall asleep. It was like trying not to think about something you had been instructed not to think about. So instead, she let her mind wander up to Howl's room and let her fantasies play out until her mind was exhausted and she could finally fall asleep.

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Howl crept quietly down the stairs and sat down in front of Calcifer. He looked for a long time at the cubby where Sophie slept. "I don't know what to do Calcifer."

The fire demon stirred and stared at Howl. "About what?"

"Sophie still doesn't trust me."

"Can you blame her?" Howl glared at Calcifer.

"I can't stop thinking about her. It's driving me nuts. I haven't slept well since she agreed to live with me."

"If it makes you feel any better, I don't think Sophie has been sleeping well either. She talks a lot in her sleep." Howl brightened at this. If Sophie was as miserable as he was with the sleeping arrangements, it was only a matter of time until a change was made.

A wide grin spread across his face. "I'll need hot water in the bath, Calcifer."

"It's too early," Calcifer complained.

"I can't sleep now. I'm already awake. Anyways, I'm meant to be at the castle early to see the king." Groaning Calcifer drew himself up and watched Howl disappear into the bathroom. Sometimes it was hard for Calcifer to remember why he had come back to live with Howl.

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Sophie woke up when Michael came downstairs. She sat up. "Howl?"

"He left early after waking me and making me run hot water for his bath," Calcifer grumbled.

Sophie pouted a little. "He left?"

"He said he had to be at the palace early." Sophie got up out of bed.

"Good morning Michael."

"Morning Sophie." Sophie pulled her hair back and got a pan down.

"Are you hungry Michael?"

"Starving." Sophie grabbed some bacon and eggs and made her way over to Calcifer.

"No way," Calcifer shrank back.

"Calcifer please." Sophie looked at him pleadingly. A low growl escaped from Calcifer, but he bent his head down and allowed Sophie to put the pan down. "Do you think Howl will be back soon?"

Calcifer didn't answer, but Michael looked up from the spell he was working on. "He should probably be back soon if he left early. He doesn't like to linger around the palace." Then, as if summoned, the door opened red down and Howl came in looking splendid in his blue and silver suit.

"Good morning!" He gently pushed Sophie aside and took her place at the stove.

"You're awfully chipper this morning."

"I had a great night's sleep," Howl lied. He reached an arm out and wrapped it around Sophie. He pulled her in close and kissed her. Sophie blushed and pulled away when Michael cleared his throat. "How is that spell coming Michael?"

"It's going pretty well, I think. I am having a bit of trouble with this middle bit." Howl handed the pan back to Sophie and went over to the work bench. Sophie watched them discuss the spell as she finished breakfast. She brought the pan over to the table and slid the food onto the plates.

"None for me," Howl said, holding up his hand. "The king gave me a project. I imagine I'll be out back working all day." He patted Michael's shoulder and stood. He made his way to the back door. "Oh and Sophie dear, if you get the notion to clean the place, please do stay out of the bathroom and my bedroom and try not to mess things up too much," he teased her. He kissed her cheek and swept out into the back yard. Sophie huffed and picked up her basket.

"Michael, I'm going to go gather flowers for the day."

"Aren't you going to have breakfast?"

"I'm not really hungry anymore." She went to the door and turned the knob to purple down. She opened the door and made her way out into the garden to gather flowers to sell in the shop.

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Around supper time Howl came back in. "Did you finish your project?" Sophie said looking up from her mending. Howl sank down into one of the kitchen chairs.

"Nearly. I should have it finished tomorrow."

"I made supper if you want some." Howl nodded and Sophie handed him a plate. She sat down across from him and watched him eat.

"Aren't you going to eat?"

"I already had supper with Michael."

Howl looked around. "Where is Michael?"

"He went to spend the evening with Martha."

"So," Howl said, "we're alone."

"Yes I suppose we are." Howl smiled and finished his supper. He dumped his plate in the sink and headed into the bathroom. Sophie went to the sink and worked on scrubbing the dishes. She knew what Howl wanted. He was glad that Michael was away for the evening. Maybe tonight could be the night. Sophie had really forgotten what she was waiting for. She finished the dishes and went back to sit in front of the fire. She thought of where the evening could take her and Howl. Suddenly she remembered why she and Howl were still sleeping separately. She shuddered. She still didn't fully trust Howl not to break her heart. She wasn't ready to give herself to him completely. The more she gave, she knew, the more he could hurt her when he decided he was bored.

"Don't give in Sophie," Calcifer hissed, "You know how he is."

By the time Howl came out of the bathroom, Sophie had talked herself out of accompanying Howl upstairs. Howl stretched and yawned. "I think I'm going to go ahead and turn in." He leaned in and kissed her softly. He moved his lips so he could whisper in her ear. "You know you're welcome to join me."

Sophie gulped. It was tempting when he was so close to her. All of the reasons why she shouldn't almost flew out of her head, but she shook it off. "Howl I shouldn't." He stepped back and looked at her sadly.

"Sophie I'm afraid we are once again at an impasse." He kissed her cheek then, with one more sad look back, made his way up to his room. Sophie crawled into her bed and curled up. Once again her mind began to wander up the stairs to Howl's room. She sighed and settled in for another restless night.