How a Resurrection Really Feels

I rouse rabble

Author's Notes: This started off as a one-shot, but it grew. So here it is. It'll probably have five chapters, all of them told in the second person present, but through the point of views of Casey, Cappie, and Rebecca. There's a lot more thinking and talking than there is action, but I hope you guys like it anyways.

Disclaimer: The characters in this fic, and all of the situations that seem familiar to you guys belong to whoever owns Greek. Any song references I make (like in the title of the fic) belong to the artist/band/record label/whatever.


It all starts on a Thursday night. It's late and it's dark out, but you're so stressed with finals and ZBZ presidency bullshit that you need to go for a run. The streets are empty and quiet, and with your headphones in your ears, it's easy to imagine that you're the only person on the planet, and you like that. You love CRU and the ZBZ girls and your friends, but it's nice to be alone sometimes, you think. Even so, when you see a familiar silhouette on the quad, you turn towards it.

"Hey." Your greeting startles Cappie until he looks up and sees you.

"Why, Casey Cartwright, what brings you out here on this fine, fine evening?"

You think it should be obvious and roll your eyes. "Moonlight interpretive dance, can't you tell?" You say it sarcastically, but you can't help a smile from crossing your face. "You?"

"Oh, my radar was going off like crazy."

"Radar?"

He leans in a little. "My dance-dar, of course. Something told me you'd be out here tonight and I just had to come see it. Now how about a little demonstration?"

You can tell that he expects another sarcastic reply, and to be honest that's what you'd normally do, so you're both surprised when you do a silly little twirl and end up falling onto the grass. You're not sure why you're acting like this, except that the run helped clear your mind from the stress and that cheers you up, and being around Cappie is putting you in a playful mood again, one that you've kept at bay for two years. "No, but really, why are you out here?"

He sits down next to you, a little bit closer than two platonic friends would, and that pleases you. It also frustrates the crap out of you that you still notice that, and that it made you happy. "Eh, it was boring at the house. The brothers are all cramming for finals to make sure they won't get kicked out. I got bored and took a walk."

You're a little surprised by his explanation. "I never would have thought to run into you sober on a Thursday night."

"I'm constantly full of surprises, although…" he trails off and pulls a flask out of his pocket. "Drink with me."

"And here I thought you were getting so much more mature." Even so, you accept the flask, coughing a little as the whiskey hits your throat.

"Hey, now, I'm way better now than I was when you first met me. I like to learn from my mistakes." His eyes meet yours for a long moment before clearing his throat and looking away, and your mind goes back to seeing him at the ZBZ house before the Greek Ball. For one wild second, you had thought that was there for you, to make up for two years ago, until Rebecca Logan came down the stairs, and you realized. Cappie really is trying, you have to admit, and you tell him so. "How are you and Rebecca doing, anyway?"

"We're good. Usually. Sometimes I have to bring her back down to Earth though. She went nuts over the whole Mr. Purr-fect thing. Drove my brothers crazy."

"They don't like her?" Deep down you're happy about this. You hate Rebecca and don't want anyone to like her. Even deeper down, you can't help but being smugly satisfied that the KT boys always liked you, and you can't help but feeling like that makes you a much better girlfriend than Rebecca.

"Oh, she won them over eventually. She appealed to their deeper souls."

"What?"

"Bought them pizza."

"That's good then, that they like her. Otherwise, it would really suck for you." You're rambling awkwardly, you can tell, and you hate it.

He shrugs again, in that easy, relaxed way that only he could really pull off. "Wouldn't matter. I like her, that's all that matters."

Another look passes between you two and this time you look away because this time it's reminding you of how you let Cappie go. There was so much history and bullshit between you that didn't need to be there, if you'd both just tried a little harder.

You lie back so you're staring at the stars and he lies back with you. You're not touching but you're close enough to feel the heat radiating off of his body and you like that.

"Cappie?" You're hesitant to ask the question because you don't want to hear the answer, but you need to know. "Do you think that… do you think that if I'd stood up to Frannie and the ZBZ girls, that we'd still be together?"

He sits up a little bit, leaning on his elbows so he can look at you. "I wasn't ready for you back then, Casey. I was too caught up in my KT boys and drinking and partying to be the guy you wanted me to be. I'm not saying that you dumping me because they told you to was a good idea, cause it sucked and was the cowards way out, but we had problems before then anyway. Eventually, you would've gotten tired of my shit."

Even though his answer absolves you of some of the responsibility of the breakup, it stings. You want to believe you could have made it.

A long silence passes between you until you can't take it anymore. "I'm glad things are working out so well with you and Rebecca, then." The thought crosses through your mind unbidden – it should be me.

"Well, losing you was bad enough. I didn't want to feel like that again." Cappie's voice was serious and intense. You'd only heard him use that tone once before, the day he said he saw you two together in ten years. It never seems finished with the two of you. You still feel something more for Cappie, and you haven't felt that with Evan since that morning you showed up at the Omega Chi house. But even after you told yourself you were done with Cappie, you weren't. You're not done with someone when you'd rather sleep with a 16 year-old than see your ex with another girl.

Sitting here under the stars, you start to think that maybe you and Cappie are finally ready for each other. He's certainly changed and you like to think that you have, too. You're a lot tougher now; you won't give in to the ZBZ girls ever again. You actually think that maybe you've changed too much and you need Cappie to bring you back. He's more mature than he was freshman year, but he's still Cappie, and you think maybe you need to protest protests again, or sit in bed and eat pie all day, because you're a lot less relaxed than you used to be and you miss it. And him.

You wonder if he still misses you, deep down, if the looks he gave you meant anything or if you were just imagining it, and you decide it's time to be brave. You shift slightly closer, until your bodies are touching and your head is resting next to his shoulder

"Cappie… I think I miss you. I think I need you in my life again." You look up and he looks down and you're close enough to feel his breath against you and smell his cologne, closer than you'd been since midterms. He leans down a little and your lips meet and as you kiss, you feel more settled than you had in a long while. He tastes like the whiskey but it's surprisingly sweet and you think that you'll think of him whenever you drink it.

The kiss felt better, a million times better, than cuddling with Evan after the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell Party." This was how it felt to come back home; this was how it felt to start something again. Getting back together with Evan was nice, and he was sweet and genuinely meant well and made you happy, but kissing Cappie felt like felt like something really amazing as starting again. But the thought of Evan reminds you of Rebecca and you pull back because you refuse to be that girl; you hated Rebecca for doing it to you and you weren't going to be that kind of hypocrite.

"Cappie, we can't. You have a girlfriend."

He looks at you, slightly dazed.

"Rebecca?" You reminded him, smiling in spite of yourself.

And then the realization comes crashing down on him and he scoots away from you a little bit.

"I'm gonna head back to the house," you say, needing to leave the situation before you lose your will power and jump him, Rebecca be damned. You wave off his offer to walk you and as you run back home, you think you should feel bad that you kissed a boy dating another girl, or that Cappie still wasn't yours, but you don't. Because you realized today that you made the right decision letting Evan go, and you know that you and Cappie will find your way back to each other soon, and for now that's enough.