Ok... Ok yes, I'm publishing it. Sorry, ignore me. Just typing out my own internal struggle.
This is chapter 1 of my story, currently entitled "Hidden Feelings". This may change, depending on where I take the story.
It's a little different written in the first person, and excuse me if I slip into the present tense for a sentence or two, I found myself doing that as I wrote it, I may not have noticed here and there.
Please review, it would mean the world to me!
Chapter 1
I couldn't quite believe the turn my life had taken, as I sat in the backseat of the car, listening to this awful woman I had barely just met blabbing on about how great her life and marriage were, whilst somehow at the same time screaming at her husband for driving too slowly along the highway.
I had no idea what was in store for me as I looked out of the back window of the Fefferman family's car as we arrived at camp. The journey there had passed far too slowly, and all I knew was that I needed to get away from this dreadful woman as quickly as possible.
Stepping out into the fresh air, the sun blinded me for a brief moment. The inside of the car had been dingy with darkened windows blocking any light from entering.
"Elise! Oh my God the rumours were trumers!" It was Maxine, my best friend from many years before, but I recognised her instantly as she came running up to the car.
"Hey Max, it's great to see you! What are you still doing here?" A look of confusion flashed onto her face.
"Of course I'm still here El, you know how much this place means to me! Now your beautiful face has shown up again, it's just perfect! We are going to have a lot of fun this summer."
"I don't doubt that for a second." I lied. I was glad to see my best friend from childhood after so many years, but I had changed so much since last stepping foot in this place. If only I'd have kept my drunken mouth shut the previous evening instead of picking up the phone, I would be able to wallow in my sorrow with more dignity. Maxine grabbed me tightly and hugged me, squeezing the air out of my lungs. I patted her on the back, which was as much of an enthusiastic greeting as I could muster.
"So, how do you keep yourself busy all year round, you don't live here do you?" I asked Maxine, after she had turned to greet the Feffermans, and picked up some of my bags for me. I stooped down to help her carry them, and we set off for the councelor's cabins.
"No, unfortunately not. I teach fourth grade in the South loop."
"You live in Chicago? Seriously? How come I never see you around?"
"I keep myself to myself. I prefer my own company when in the city, can't stand most of those money grabbing go-getters that live there." She stopped herself after glancing at my attire, as I was still sporting my suit jacket from my disastrous day at the office before.
"Never mind me missy, what brings you to these neck of the woods? Why now?" She looked at me, studying the expression on my face.
"Oh, why not? I mean, I love this place too, and really I need a bit of a break for the summer, my life is just so busy right now." I smiled, but the worried expression remained on her face.
"You've not been back for nearly a decade Elise, no phone calls, no Facebook requests. You just show up one day, as if it's completely normal."
"It is, honestly Max, I bumped into Sally, and it got me thinking about camp, and how much I missed it. I have my life together now, I'm taking a well deserved break!"
"Fair enough, I'm not prying... except I am! What is this life you talk of, where you have all of your shit together? Tell me about it!" I could tell she was trying to lighten the mood, after my last response was a bit heated.
"Well, I'm in publishing. I recently got a book deal!" I put all my efforts into making my words sound less painful than they felt.
"Elise! That's great, I'm so proud of you! Who would have thought, you, a big shot writer. I should get your autograph!" Maxine joked, and I laughed tiredly with her, not quite knowing how to reply.
"So here's your cabin!" We stopped outside the nearest of the counselor's cabins, still decorated identically to how I remembered it from years before.
"Good to see nothings changed." I said quietly.
"I know, it's great isn't it!" Said Maxine cheerfully, not detecting the dull tone in my voice. "Allison wanted to give them all a fresh lick of paint before the kids got here but, we really haven't had time since we arrived here."
Upon the mention of Allison's name, my heart skipped a beat. I had not thought about Allison in so long, and suddenly the image of her face flashed through my mind.
"Allison? You mean to say Allison still comes here?"
"Of course, she runs the kitchens now. Her mom retired to Boca Raton a few years ago, and she took her place."
"How... how is she doing?" I tried to sound casual.
"As well as ever, still cracking the jokes of course, bless her soul. We really would struggle without her here, she's a blessing."
"Yeah, I'm sure." I stared off at the window of the cabin, lost in my own thoughts.
"Well, I'll just leave your bags right here, and let you get settled in! I'll be in or around the office if you need me."
"Sure, thanks Max."
"Aww, it really is great to see you!" She hugged me again, and I hugged her tentatively back. As she walked away from me, I slowly trundled up the steps to my cabin with the largest of my bags.
Allison Henry had been a friend of mine all through my teenage years, but it had been so long since I had last seen her. We had planned to stay in touch after my last day at camp, but I had gone off to college, and she had stated she needed to sort her life out before embarking on anything so final such as college, so we never got the opportunity.
Allison was a very close friend, you might say. Not only did I tell her my deepest and darkest secrets, but she was, to use a more sensitive term, a great stress reliever after spending so much time at an all girls camp. She knew how to make me feel good, and whether it was making out in the woods near the mess hall as young teenagers, or something more in her bunk at robins egg when we would sneak away from our daily activities as we got older, I'm pretty sure I made her feel good too. She was beautiful and funny, and I really liked her. Only as I got older had I developed feelings for guys, but she would always be my first.
The cabin was dimly lit by a single bulb that hung from the ceiling. I opened the curtains, and emptied my bags out onto my bed. As I began filling the drawers with the mismatched clothes I had thrown together last minute, I couldn't shift Allison out of my head. It's as if I had forgotten about her for so long, that my mind was aching to be filled with her. I shook my head, and decided I needed to reacclimatise with the place before the chaos of preparing for the arrival of the kids began.
I walked down to the lake, to the exact spot on the rivers edge where I'd had my first camp out. This place was special to me not only because of this, but because the night before this, I had my first kiss. It was stupid, I was only about ten, but I felt old to have never kissed anyone before. Allison and I were sat alone, hiding from our good, yet overbearing friend Maxine. She and I were discussing what we wanted to do before we grew up. I said I didn't want to grow up without being kissed by someone who loves me. And she just did it, leaned across and kissed me hard on the lips. We both giggled, and I said I loved her too. We were both joking, but as we got older I began to question whether I did love her. I didn't of course, it was ridiculous, we were just kids.
I then walked down to the jetty, where we used to jump in the water and go swimming. The three of us spent so much time in the water racing to the buoy in the middle of the lake and back. We weren't meant to go out that far, but we thought we were such rebellious teenagers that it was cool to risk potential drowning. Allison was the fastest, every time. She was built like a swimmer, with powerful arms. I was a weedy kid, with long clumsy legs, definitely not a swimmer. Poor Maxine, she couldn't even make it out to the middle of the lake, she would get tired and turn around. It was all good fun though, and apart from inflating Allison's ego, it never did us any harm.
I made my way up to the mess hall where we all used to eat our meals everyday. The three of us would sneak into the kitchens in the middle of the night, and steal any snacks we could, usually just handfuls of marshmallows meant for roasting over campfires. I suppose Allison keeps all the snacks locked away now she's in charge, knowing how easy it was for us to sneak in whenever we fancied.
"Hey stranger." Her chirpy voice caused me to spin around too suddenly and crick my neck.
"Ouch! Hey." I said, grabbing onto the side of my neck.
"Careful there. Still as clumsy as ever I see!"
"Allison, I've missed you." I said this calmly, looking into her bright blue eyes. She smiled at me, that familiar, cheesy smile that caused my stomach to turn.
"I missed you too, you've not changed a bit, except... Have you got even taller?!"
"Haha no, I think you've shrunk!" I laugh, rubbing my neck.
"It's good to see you." She rushes to me and flings her arms around me. I hug her around her waist, and stand up, lifting her feet off the ground. She laughs again, and rests her chin on my shoulder, and I feel her inhale deeply. We hug for a moment longer than we should have, but I finally lower her down, and step away from her.
"So I hear you run the kitchen now?"
"Yeah, well my mom retired, and I promised her I would carry on her fantastic recipes. Anyway, I couldn't let Maxine down, she and Sally would struggle to find anyone willing to single-handedly cater for a camp this size."
"I'm sure, wow, how do you manage?"
"I don't know, I just keep ploughing on. I'm used to my own company, I let my mind wander. It passes the time."
"Well, now I'm here for the summer, I could always lend you a hand."
"Elise." She stepped closer to me once again. Her eyes bore into mine, her stare so intense I looked at the ground after a few seconds. "Where have you been? I didn't have a number for you after you went to college, and then I found you on Facebook but I didn't contact you because you hadn't tried to contact me for so long. What happened?"
"Life happened, Allison. I didn't mean to lose contact with you, but I got so busy, my life was happening so quickly, I didn't realise what I'd left behind. Seeing you and Maxine today reminded me what an idiot I was to stay away for so long. I got a great job, and a great boyfriend, and I got engaged, I became a different person."
"You got engaged? Congratulations." She seemed happy for me, but her mouth flickered after she spoke.
"Thank you." I didn't want to be truthful right now, not after that ridiculous nonsense I'd just come out with. The real truth was I didn't really know why I was running away from Allison, possibly because I wanted to forget the feelings I'd had for her, really it wasn't what I wanted in my life. She made me happy, but I was convinced it wasn't true happiness.
"How about you then, no significant other?" I quickly tried to change the subject, but Allison shrugged it off.
"My cooking is my significant other, I don't have time for relationships. I don't really get out much, meeting new people definitely isn't a priority for me."
"Oh well, maybe you and I could go out and meet some guys at the end of the summer, you could come out with me to Chicago."
"Ah well, meeting guys is definitely low on my priority list, if you see what I mean." She looked up from the ground at me, smirking.
"Oh shit, sorry, I mean, we could meet women then, no biggie..." She laughed at me, and I laughed nervously back. Of course, she's a lesbian.
"You didn't think I'd turn out straight after all those summers activities we spent together, did you?"
"Oh those, well, I'm straight, so I just assumed."
"Glad to see I made an impression on you." It was light hearted sarcasm, but she still seemed a little bit hurt.
"Allison, you meant the world to me, I never lied about that. The feelings I had for you were real but all that's over now. I was experimenting, nothing more."
"No Elise, it's fine. We were young, it was a teenage fling. No biggie." She punched my arm playfully, and I hugged her again. We were interrupted by Maxine who came out of the mess hall.
"Reunited I see?" She hugged us both and the three of us stood there with our arms around each other. "I say we celebrate this reunion with drinks, before responsibilities begin tomorrow. How about 8 o clock, my cabin?"
"Sounds great, we can have a catch up."
"I'm in."
