Chapter One

Cold and crisp nights in New York City are Donatello's favorite patrol weather. Where the air is so sharp, just walking in it feels like icy knives are slicing at your skin. Normally, Donatello would find comfort in nights such as these, but he is filled with an immense ache that stretches through his whole being. It's not a physical pain, no, it's much worse. It's a dull sting that wonders through his mind. An old wound that just won't seem to heal no matter how much he tries. As Donatello sits on the dingy rooftop, he is graced with the presence of a fiery angel; A ghost of all his past mistakes.

April O'Neil.

If fifteen-year-old Donnie only knew the trouble he would cause his twenty-year-old self, he probably would have stopped himself while he could. But Donatello knows nothing could ever change his fate. He was doomed from the moment he laid eyes on her. The only difference now from when he was a teenager is that Donatello lost all hope of his faded dream from coming true. He always knew that April would never feel the same affection as him; it was just that he had always carried a small hope that it could be. Once he had given up, the feelings didn't wane. No, that would have been merciful. Instead, Donatello had to watch April and just be happy for her, whatever it was that made her happy. Her joy was enough of a morphine to his sore soul. He was content, miserable, but content.

The twenty-one-year-old kunoichi was crouching next to the edge of the apartment complex. Her blue eyes watched passing cars and pedestrians. "April…" Donnie started, "There's not a single Kraang for miles and not one Foot soldier. Are you sure Casey saw Kraang activity here?" Enraged by his question, April shot Donatello a look that could kill, "Yes he's positive. Casey wouldn't lie about something like this," she paused and then added, "Maybe you should be looking harder." Such a statement in his youth would have hurt Donatello, but now he was numb to it. "I never implied he was lying…" he began. April's features scrunched. "Just that he might have been drunk off his—" "Don't you dare finish that sentence," April got in Donatello's face, "You know he's trying just as hard as the rest of us. He just… has a different coping mechanism than the rest of us." April didn't retract immediately. She stared into Donatello's eyes, her façade dripping with fury. Donnie stared back, his chestnut eyes dull as they bore into hers. Her face softened for a moment before he breathed out hard and looked away. "Yeah, I get it…" He managed to say. April pulled away quickly and walked back to the edge, flustered and confused.

Hours passed in silence until Leo called on the TPhone to call it a night. The same silence remained all the way back to the lair. Donatello marched into his lab and brought down the metal door to separate him from everyone else. Leo and Raph were in the main room for this display and glanced over at a solemn April standing in the opening to their home. "What crawled up his ass?" Raphael scoffed. April chuckled dryly, "Don't even get me started…any luck with your patrol?" Leo was the one to answer, "Nope, same as you and Don." April hopped onto the couch and groaned. "I thought this could be a lead, but I guess Casey really didn't see something." With her arm resting on her forehead, April checked her phone for the time. 10 o'clock shown on the screen in white lettering. She had a presentation due tomorrow that she needed to prepare for. April got up from the couch and spoke to Leo as she walked out. "I've got to go, Leo. Let me know when Mr. Tight-Ass is feeling better." Leo smiled slightly, "Sure thing April." And with that, April took her leave.


Leonardo pulled up the metal door to Donatello's lab. His brother was sitting at his desk, fiddling with some high-tech equipment he had found days before. "How are you doing—" Leo was stopped before he could finish. "Mr. Tight-Ass? Yeah I heard. The door may have been down, but I'm not deaf." Donatello scoffed. Leo frowned, "That's not what I was going to say." Donnie sighed as Leo sat down in the chair next to him, "Yeah… I know, I'm just…" He rubbed his face with his hands, "I don't know." Leo put a hand on Donnie's shoulder, "You wanna talk about it?" Donnie looked at his brother then looked at the floor. "I know I shouldn't be upset, but I am. And I know that's it's not Casey's fault, but…" He looked up at the ceiling, "It's just that the moment she mentions his name, I feel prickly. She praises every word he says, even when it's wrong! I'm not even sure it's jealousy anymore…I have no clue what it is. Maybe I've grown so bitter that every little thing sets me off…" Donnie trailed off. Leo hated to see his brother in this much pain and he knew with all his heart he couldn't ease Donatello's burden. "Casey and I have been on good terms for years," Donatello continued, "But April and I… We just never recovered after Casey and her started dating. I thought after they broke up on a good note that it would get better between us, but it just got more hostile. And I have no idea what I did wrong." "You did nothing wrong, Don. I think April has her own feelings she's dealing with," Leo replied. Donatello stood up from his chair furiously. "Oh don't start that 'she loves you back, she just can't admit it' shit again, Leo. I'm not a child anymore, I don't need to be coddled." Leonardo got up defensibly, "That's not what I meant and you know it, Donatello. If you weren't so cold to everyone, maybe April wouldn't be so harsh to you. Because this is a double-edged sword and you've done half of the slicing." Leonardo stormed out and left Donatello to his wounds. He was alone once again, as he had let himself become.