Author's Note: This is a story written for ML Fic Appreciation Week (Day 1 – oneshot).
It's continuation of AmyNChan's story for ML Ultimate Guess Who Challenge - Tomorrow's Troubles (you can read it on AO3), although it also can be read as a stand-alone piece (all the important details are there).
I was surprised how Amy's story spoke to me. Suddenly the need to know how it could have been resolved was so strong that I started writing. I want to thank AmyNChan for letting me do this. I hope you're not going to be disappointed with my idea.
This was supposed to be oneshot for oneshot, but unfortunately I didn't have enough time to finish. So instead I divided the story into three chapters. This is the first one.
[EDIT] There are going to be four chapters in total after all.
Chapter 1. Yesterday
It was already dusk outside when the light touch of her lips on his forehead stirred him from his slumber. Adrien woke up but kept his eyes closed, savoring the moment. If someone told him yesterday that he'll wake up next to his ex-wife, he'd laugh bitterly at the poor joke or possibly punched them in the face, as the wound that the divorce had made was still too fresh.
But it wasn't a dream. He really felt her warmth on the pillow and her scent was everywhere. He had no idea that he'd missed her so much, that ragged hollow ripped in his heart long ago filling up with affection all of a sudden.
Somehow, miraculously, Marinette was back in his life and he just started to believe that there still was a chance that everything was going to be all right, that they could put it back together.
Adrien untangled his arm from the sheets to reach for her and pull her closer. He opened his eyes only to see his hand touch the empty side of his bed.
He shrugged. She probably was in the bathroom.
Click-clack.
The front door lock.
Silence.
Absence.
Rustle of paper when his hand found an envelope.
Adrien felt an unpleasant surge in his stomach.
'Nettie?'
No reply.
'Net, you there?'
Absolute silence.
'Marinette?!' He called panicky, jumping out of bed.
It took one bottle of wine and the comfort of his couch to untangle his tongue and relax his muscles, stiffened from the moment he had seen Marinette's face peeking at him with anxious curiosity at Master Fu's parlor that morning.
They had left Fu's house in painful silence, none of them finding words that would seem adequate. They took a stroll down the Seine as the sun rose over them on the first miraculousless day of the rest of their lives. Somewhere along the way he discovered his fingers had entwined with hers and their pace had fallen into a well oiled routine not unlike that of Ladybug's and Chat Noir's patrols.
Adrien was the first to break the silence when they were nearing his place, only to invite her for breakfast.
More silence was served at his apartment as neither of them seemed hungry. Adrien could account only for himself but it wasn't long after their last rooftop picnic and his stomach was clenched to the size of a pea anyway. Marinette wrapped herself around a steaming mug of coffee and buried deep between the cushions on the sofa.
Adrien settled for ice tea, which he then traded for a glass of wine even though it wasn't even noon yet. His ex-wife soon followed keeping her distance and carefully avoiding his gaze.
She let her gorgeous midnight-blue hair fall in gentle waves, framing her tired face and spilling over her shoulders like a velvety blanket. He felt hypnotized with the sight. It took all of his willpower not to rush to her in an instant. He was itching to bury his fingers in that silky veil, to brush the gentle curve of her alabaster neck and jaw line, to uncover her ear and smooth it in a soft kiss that he knew would elicit a gasp from her delicious lips.
The portent silence persisted although with every sip of wine it was becoming more and more comfortable.
.
When all of his defenses dissolved in alcohol the words started flowing. Words of hurt, words of regret, words of remorse, words of apology. Words that drew them closer, than opened the dams built in self-defense long ago. They longed for each other's touch, thirsty for love. They held each other, mourning the loss of their kwamis, their freedom and their oblivion.
In the darkest times of their lives Ladybug and Chat Noir had always comforted each other, had always got each other's back. But this? This was so much more. With the biggest mystery of their adulthood shifted away they both felt bare, beaten.
They took a dive into that familiar comfort of the arms of the loved one. No confessions, no grand gestures, all the pent up emotions conveyed to touch, to warmth, to closeness they both thought had been lost forever.
When he was falling asleep wrapped around Marinette's lithe body, new hope was pouring into his soul. It whispered of second chances, of new beginnings, of uttered promises.
Now he stared at the empty living room, at the coffee mugs and wine glasses, uneaten food and half-finished bottles at the coffee table, at the messy sofa where the passion had found them, looking for any clues as to why he was alone again.
The one and only clue was resting in his hand, still unopened. Adrien slipped into stupor again, unable to make any kind of decision.
It might have seemed that with the veil of secrets lifted that morning all doubts would have dispelled by now, alleged betrayals explained, and the air would finally be clear. The secret identities and the miraculouses were after all the obvious reason for all those hitherto unexplained absences, late returns, sudden departures. The trust that was broken finally could be mended.
So why wasn't it obvious? Why wasn't he chasing after her or trying to stop her in another way?
The letter in his hand suddenly seemed to weigh much more than a mere sheet of paper. Why was he dreading so much to open it and read it?
.
Adrien knew exactly what answers he was so afraid to find to all those questions.
.
Because the miraculouses weren't the only circumstances responsible for their break-up. Because her accusations still rang in his ears, and his allegations in return still burned his tongue.
Because not all absences, missed calls, nights outside home were covered by akuma attacks or patrols.
Because at the back of his head that horrible thought still lurked that she wasn't as faithful as she vowed. And he knew perfectly well he had given her enough reasons to think the same about him.
.
With that terrible weight resting in the pit of his stomach Adrien finally gathered his courage and opened the letter.
My Dearest,
Thank you.
Thank you for being Chat Noir. Thank you for being Adrien. Thank you for being your wonderful self.
You were my strength, my light and inspiration, my dream and joy.
I'm sorry I have caused you so much pain. I hope you know I've never meant to hurt you and yet it seems that with every decision I've made, I've hurt a side of you. This is a burden I will carry for the rest of my life.
I wish I could turn back time and take that leap of faith you always wanted to take. I wish I could trust you like you once trusted me. But I cannot do that.
Yesterday night I thought I was about to welcome an old friend in a new life. But instead it was you who welcomed me again in your home and in your heart. And I don't think I deserve that.
There are things that I have to consider, actions that I have to think about. And I need to do that by myself and alone. 15 years is a lot of time to think about. You too have matters to attend to and a journey to take. Probably as much thinking if not more.
Despite all we've been through, I'm really glad it was you.
My heart always has been and always will be yours.
Marinette
Her letter did nothing to dismiss his concerns. Only multiplied the questions crowding in on his tortured head.
What decisions did she had in mind? What actions? Did she mean only Ladybug's persistence in not revealing themselves earlier? Did she mean the breach of trust this decision had caused as they were unable to explain themselves without mentioning the miraculous? Or did she mean… the other two?
.
Adrien read the letter so many times that before dawn he could close his eyes and still see the elegant lines of Marinette's handwriting. At first light he prepared a fresh pot of coffee and settled on the couch. He considered fixing himself a drink, but quickly dismissed the idea. His head was already reeling without any additional boost.
How did they manage to screw this up so badly? It seemed they were two halves of a whole and the fact that they had received complementary miraculouses could only serve as further evidence. Both in their secret and civilian lives they had managed to come together, they were meant to be together. But they weren't. Not anymore.
.
Adrien didn't remember the beginning of the end. For him things started to get worse soon after their wedding. Before they moved in together it was easier to evade her questions, to come with alibis or simply play dumb. It was also easier to ignore her absences, constant late arrivals and poor excuses. But with them sharing a home it became difficult to come up with new explanations or pretexts and the weight of his secret was getting bigger with every passing day.
After a while Chat Noir decided to discuss the matter with Ladybug - pleading with her to reveal themselves to each other. He couldn't imagine disclosing himself to anyone but his partner first. When she declined, he informed her of his intent to reveal his identity to his wife, but the idea scared Ladybug to such extend that she actually begged him to reconsider. The risks and stakes were too high. At that point they both already felt final encounter approaching. The possibility of Hawk Moth akumatizing his wife, learning his identity and thereby jeopardizing all that they'd been fighting for was terrifying. At that the subject was dropped and Adrien went home to lie to Marinette again. And again. And again.
He watched her slowly slipping out of his reach when he fed her lie after lie. For her own good, her own safety. He should have known she despised lies. But he chose loyalty to his miraculous and the vow he made to Ladybug all those years ago.
With clenching heart Adrien witnessed as the joy in Marinette's bluebell eyes started to fade together with her natural bubbliness. She started to go out in the evenings more and more often. Then from time to time she was out for whole weekends. Adrien assumed she needed this time to vent to Alya as he in turn started to spend more time with Chloé. They renewed their friendship for which Adrien was grateful - when Alya and Nino got married it became awkward to hang out with his best friend knowing that Marinette took refuge at their house. Adrien didn't want to remind her of his faults even more.
But then he met Nathaniel at Chloé's. Quiet and shy Nathaniel who grew up to become an artist. Small and withdrawn Nathaniel who became a confident and headstrong man, a man who managed to tame Chloé and make her his own. Sneaky and deceitful Nathaniel who remained Marinette's friend in art throughout the years and then, when she was becoming most vulnerable, provided her with an arm to cry on, a haven of his workshop, and his steadfast presence.
.
The first crack appeared when Adrien discovered Marinette wasn't venting to Alya. The second, when he deduced she was venting to Nathaniel. The third, when she refused to tell where she'd been going and why. After that, he stopped counting the cracks in his already shattering heart.
He would have gone mad if it wasn't for Chloé. She distracted him with her Chloéness – always at the centre of attention. Shopping, parties, outings, escapades, movies and all that jazz. She didn't ask difficult questions, just enjoyed his company. Especially since Nathaniel was never one for public appearances, while Chloé loved to shine.
Yet she grew up to be a rock. The shell that once seemed empty filled with mature, determined and self-aware womanhood. Chloé chose to shine, but deep inside she cared for those she loved. She lent an ear when Adrien needed to talk. She took in his rants, his frustrations and his suffering, without jugging or complain. In that time when he felt everything was falling apart around him, she truly became his friend.
And Marinette refused to believe it to be an honest friendship and friendship only. He couldn't blame her. In their teenage years Chloé did more than enough to earn Marinette's distrust. His wife's possessiveness was also understandable in the face of Chloé's aggressive attention during their school years. So Adrien started to hide where he was going if he could. On his request Chloé cut down the official occasions not to antagonize Marinette.
But it was too late. The seed was planted. The trust was broken. Every time Adrien couldn't tell Marinette where had he been, she assumed the worst. Every time Marinette refused to explain her absence, he suspected the same.
Then came the silent days, the rows, the accusations. The hurt. The helplessness.
So his wife abandoned him but Ladybug remained by his side. His only friend who knew the burden of secrets. At that time Chat had been on the verge of a break down. For a couple of months fighting akumas was almost too much for him. All the joy and cheerfulness evaporated from his life leaving an empty, burned-out shell. And he recalled Ladybug was nursing her own wounds back then. They turned to each other despite their masks, became closer friends, sharing similar experience. But they never crossed the line. When he lost Marinette, he simply didn't have any love left.
Adrien sat on the couch over his now cold coffee, the letter creased in his clenched fist. His phone was chiming from time to time with notifications of incoming calls, messages and scheduled appointments. The constant chiming was what finally brought him back to reality. He pulled out his tablet and browsed through all those e-mails, then moved to his calendar. Some of those things were urgent. Some could cost him or other people their jobs or investments. And there was also the matter of plane tickets resting in his bag.
Adrien released a heavy sigh trying to round up his galloping thoughts. He would have to calm down. He would have to prioritize. First – the tickets. He reached to his satchel to take them out when something else fell to the floor. A package, wrapped in a red black-dotted paper, that he had totally forgotten he had prepared as a "welcome" gift for ex-Ladybug.
Ex-Chat Noir now unwrapped the gift himself and ran his fingers over an elegant silver frame which held a picture of two fourteen year old rookies proudly wearing their shiny new miraculouses. Their first "official" photo under the Eiffel Tower.
Adrien's heart melted at the cheeky gleam in Ladybug's eyes. He smiled fondly at the grin his younger self was capable off. He had been so happy, almost drunk with the adventure that was opening before him, it was a miracle he didn't float with excitement above Champ de Mars. That adventure brought them more than they could possibly ask for, but at a price none of them would suspected they would have to pay.
The ex-hero shook his head to dismiss those thoughts. That was a life he left behind yesterday, together with black cat's miraculous. Adrien brushed his thumb over Ladybug's radiant figure captured forever in a small photo. She had always been his freedom, his wings, his succor.
And suddenly the queue of priorities was clear as sun on a summer day, with only one task on "to do" list. Adrien quickly tapped in some e-mails to send, set an auto-reply on his own account and put the tablet down.
His mother had disappeared suddenly, long time ago. Marinette had gradually slipped out of his reach. Then his father- No, that thought was still impossible to entirely fit into his brain. It would probably take years for him to chew it bit by bit. He was barely thirty and already lost too many loved ones. But the love of his life was brought to him again, as if to even a debt for all the sacrifice that miraculous had demanded of him.
Adrien smiled to himself. Maybe black cats weren't unlucky after all? He was ready to head on Chat Noir's one last mission.
A quest to get his lucky charm, his love, his Lady back.
AN: That's all for now. I hope I will be able to post next chapter soon. In the meantime I would love to know what do you think of this story. I appreciate your comments, they help me to improve my writing.
