Disclaimer: I do not own Reborn!

A/N: Aaand I start another Reborn! fic! I'm on a roll~~ Unlike the previous two, this one is going to be multi-chaptered, and also unlike the other two, this one is purely humor.

I did search 'mafia boss' to see if there were other fics like this, and I didn't spot any, so imma go ahead and try this out.

I'm uploading this as a teaster to see if people like it or not, and i've already got the second chapter written out, so please review your comments! I'm going to China soon for 3 weeks, so might not have an opportunity to write more, but maybe ;D

Summary: Tsunayoshi Sawada thinks God hates him. Why else would he send him a sadistic devil as a mafia tutor? Poor, poor Tsuna. Wonder how many years he has left.

Warnings: Don't think there will be any pairings, humor, maybe a bit crack-ish. Reborn being Reborn and Tsuna being Tsuna :D Some bad language too.

Let's get this show on the road!

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Reborn's Guide to Being a Mafia Boss

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Intro - Boss Mode

Tsunayoshi Sawada, a boy only of 16, snuggled deeper into his soft cushions, unwilling to get up. He'd been dreaming about confessing to Kyoko-chan, but before the words 'I love you' had left his mouth, the dream faded away.

Still, as Saturday mornings go, this one wasn't turning out too ba-

WHAM!

Tsuna shrieked in pain and shot upright.

"WHAT THE FU-"

WHACK!

The second hit knocked him out of bed, and he lay on the ground sprawled, his bum in the air and his hands holding his head.

In front of him standing rather innocently was the cause of his pain, everyday. Clad in his usual black suit and fedora, with Leon on it, Reborn looked at him in amusement with a 10 tonne hammer in his hand.

"What your mouth, Dame-Tsuna." With that, we returned the hammer to its suitcase, away from the seething eyes of Tsuna as he glared at Reborn.

Tsuna should have been used to this. Really. But every morning he seemed to forget about the evil baby in his room, and every morning, he was reminded of his presence.

"You didn't have to hit me Reborn! There's no school today!" he wailed in grief, picking himself up from the unforgiving floor.

"Maman wanted me to wake you for breakfast," the hitman replied casually. Without another word, he left the room, presumably to steal Tsuna's food.

Tsuna sighed as he pulled on a simple white shirt and brown pants, before heading downstairs to try and save his meal.

Once he arrived (after nearly falling down the stairs. Twice) he quickly snatched his plate from Reborn's reach, which earned him a small glare promising death later. Tsuna tried not to shiver as he set himself down to eat. It looked as though his mother, Bianchi and Fuuta had finished their food, and were about to head out.

"Tsu-kun! We are going to visit a primary school for Fuuta. Take care of the children while I'm gone!"

"Ok, mom," Tsuna replied.

He turned his attention back to his food - except it had all gone. Reborn looked away with a smirk.

Tsuna huffed, but was distracted by Lambo and I-Pin, who were bickering over the last boiled egg.

"Lambo-sama saw the egg first! That means it's mine!"

"No! Lambo has already eaten 5, that one is I-Pin's!"

A low thud was heard as Tsuna's forehead connected with the table.

"I suppose now would be a good opportunity to start the first lesson."

Tsuna lifted his head off the table to look at Reborn in confusion, a red mark on his skin.

"What lesson, Reborn?" he asked suspiciously. Lessons = Failing = Punishment = Pain. Lots of pain.

Reborn didn't reply, instead he reached into his suit's inner pocket, and brought out a giant book that in no way should have fit in there without him noticing. Tsuna gaped and looked at the title.

Reborn's Guide to Being a Mafia Boss

Tsuna spluttered as Reborn flicked to the first page of the book.

Lesson 1. Boss Mode. The quintessential skill of any worthy boss. While using this skill, an aura undetectable by machinery will surround the user and everyone around said user (distance calculated by the strength of aura) will all focus on said user. Said user will be in complete control of themselves, and with this, they can calmly instruct their subordinates, run negotiations (see Boss Meetings) and intimidate enemies.

"So, do you understand what 'Boss Mode' is?" Reborn asked.

"N-"

"Good, we'll start by having you go out into the streets and testing it on strangers."

Tsuna gawked in horror. "No! What! Reborn! I don't even know how to go into this 'Boss Mode' thing!"

Reborn put on a contemplative face on. "Hmm, perhaps we should start smaller. Ah," he said, and pointed to the still arguing kids. "They will do. Use your 'Boss Mode' on them to get them to stop fighting."

Tsuna started inching towards the nearest exit, which were the stairs.

Reborn frowned, and Leon turned into a green gun.

"I said…" Reborn's eyes glinted, and Tsuna knew he was doomed. "Use your 'Boss Mode' as if you were to die."

One bullet latieer~

"REEEBOORRRRNNNN! USE MY 'BOSS MODE' AS IF I WERE TO DIE!"

Tsuna puffed up his cheeks and took a deep breath. He held that breath until his face was bright red and jumped in front of the wide eyes youngsters. The two children stared up.

They saw a crazy person in only their boxers with a steaming red face, a fire on his head, pupiless eyes and screaming at them, "YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME! I'M YOUR BOSS!"

Needless to say, they screamed in terror and ran away.

It didn't stop there. Oh no. With a roar, he plunged himself through the wooden door into the streets, where numerous bystanders looked at the mad boy in shock.

"YOU WILL ALL LISTEN TO ME! I'M YOUR BOSS!"

A woman with her small child screamed bloody murder and shielded her child, while others took out their phones to call the police, a mental hospital and the local wildlife control.

"Jyuudaime…?"

Yamamoto and Gokudera, who were heading to visit Tsuna ogled at the strange sight. Tsuna spun around, and pointed a furious finger at the pair.

"I AM YOUR BOSS! BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!"

"YES JYUUDAIME!" Gokudera shouted and immediately fell to his knees and worshipped his feet.

"Woah, ok Boss!" Yamamoto exclaimed and bowed to him.

At this time, the flame on his forehead finally extinguished, and he eeped as he heard sirens in the background.

"HIIIIII! REBORN!" he shouted in panic as he ran back inside the house.

Unfortunately, he ran into the wrong house.

A young man sat huddled in the corner of the living room, muttering into his phone, "Oh my freakin' God, he just came into my house, holy shit holy shit WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN STAY CALM? MOMMYYY! SAVE MEE!"

Tsuna backtracked quickly but before he could run outside a loud voice boomed.

"WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! COME OUT CALMLY OR WE WILL GO IN WITH THE DOGS AND THE TRANQUILIZER GUNS!"

Tsuna screeched in panic and huddled on the floor, much like the random man in the corner.

"This is so not happening, I'm still eating breakfast, I did not just do all of that, Reborn is not a sadistic bastard… oh HELL."

Something slammed into the front door, barking viciously and scratching at the thin barrier. Tsuna squealed in fear and ran towards the back door, which was thankfully open. He jumped over the low fence into his yard, and ran into the safety of his own house.

When Reborn found him, Tsuna was huddled under the blankets of his bed, with what looked like glowing red eyes from within the darkness.

"Reborn…" Tsuna gritted out with a mix of fury and embarrassment.

Reborn was unaffected, and proceeded to write in a little notebook.

"Not quite what I meant by 'Boss Mode' but it seemed to have worked on Yamamoto and Gokudera. Good work, Dame-Tsuna, we'll work out the kinks later," he said happily and left the room.

Tsuna just moaned and wished that the bed would swallow him.

"And in this week's news, a red-faced mad boy in only his boxers, dubbed 'The Tomato Pervert' was seen shouting threateningly to innocent bystanders and broke into a man's house. The man has been admitted to a rehabilitation clinic and doctors say that his trauma is severe, and will require many years of psychiatry. The boy however, escaped capture, and has not been found yet. Detectives are contacting local mental facilities to try and identify who this person was. People are warned to be careful, he is still out there."

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To be continued…

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A/N: One chap finished! I sure hope that made you guys laugh, cause it made me crack up a few times! (And laugh sadistically)

Review for cookies!

I'm uploading this as a teaster to see if people like it or not, and i've already got the second chapter written out, so please review your comments! I'm going to China soon for 3 weeks, so might not have an opportunity to write more, but maybe ;D

Depends what the reviews say, I'm not that confidant in this story though, so prove me wrong ^^

Omake~~

As the Dying Will Bullet entered his skull, he couldn't help but regret something. It has something to do with Reborn… yes… he regretted…

"REBOORRRNNN! HAVE MY BREAKFAST AS IF I WERE TO DIE!"

Tsuna jumped in front of the two kids still arguing, and snatched the egg from Lambo's hands before shoving it in his mouth, shell and all.