Halloween: The Musical

(The stage is dark. A spotlight is turned on, and we see Michael Meyers is standing inside of it. He begins to sing.)

MICHAEL:

I am just a poor man

With a machete full of love

I kill to be happy

And I'm happy to kill

Is there room in my black heart for love?

(All the lights turn on, revealing a bunch of dancers. The music begins to speed up)

MICHAEL:

Oh, IT'S HALLOWEEN!

Time for dancing and murder!

I'll cut, cut cut

Until I'm caught, caught, caught

It's Halloween, the killingest time of the year

BACKUP SINGERS:

It's Halloween!

The Killingest time of the year!

MICHAEL:

I'll grab my facourite knife

And cut, cut, cut, cut, cut

Until the morning light!

BACKUP SINGERS:

He'll cut, cut, cut, cut, cut

Until the morning light!

MICHAEL:

But all is not well on Halloween.

Dr. Loomis is free, looking for me!

The police are searching, high and low!

But who are they kidding?

They can never catch me!

(Dr.Loomis enters the stage. He begins to rap.)

DR.LOOMIS:

Michael, Michael you dirty little man

You must stop the killing, I'm not a fan

You've killed your sister, with a knife

C'mon now Michael, get a damn life

I'm Dr. L, here to say

You'll never get away this in the US of A

(Michael stabs him)

MICHAEL:

IT'S HALLOWEEN!

THE KILLINGEST TIME OF THE YEAR!

(The music stops and the stage clears. Laurie enters, and starts to sing.)

LAURIE:

Oh Michael, I miss you so

My life is so boring

Without your knife

And even though I died in 8

I'm back, better than before

Ready to take you on again!

(The music begins to speed up)

Michael, oh Michael!

Let's have a fistfight

A duel at dawn

A fight in the night

I'll stab you, shoot you

Blow you away

Let's fight again, maybe today

BACKUP SINGERS

She'll fight you, stab you, blow you away

Fight her tonight, later today!

LAURIE

You're such a coward

To scared and try to kill me again

But bring it on, bitch

I'll stab you in the face

BACKUP SINGERS

Bring it on, bitch

She'll stab you in the face

LAURIE

You may have won in the past, but not anymore

I'll kick you in the face, you dumb little whore

(The song ends, and the stage clears. Michael enters, along with a girl. They sing.)

GIRL:

Oh my god, it's the man himself

Michael Meyers, back from the dead

Why, oh why do I have to die?

MICHAEL:

Please, don't be scared

It'll hurt for a second

But as soon as my knifes stabs you in the face

You won't feel a thing

Except the sharp, stining pain as it jabs into your eye

BACKUP SINGERS:

Except the sharp, stinging pain

GIRL:

Can't you let me live? I'll give you money

I'll give you credit cards, a jar of honey?

I'll give you postcards, bake you a cake

But as soon as you turn around

I'll stab you with a rake!

MICHAEL:

A jar of honey?

Lots of money?

I don't need such things

I just want your blood

And then maybe I'll still your wallet

But that's beside the point!

(Michael stabs her)

MICHAEL:

Hahaha, what a crazy kind of day

Halloween, Halloween

It makes you feel a crazy kind of way

Makes you want to slay, slay, slay

BACKUP SINGERS:

Slay, Slay, Slay, Slay!

MICHAEL:

Grab a knife, and join the fun

Kill a father, kill a son

Have a jolly good old day

Just slay, slay, slay, slay!

BACKUP SINGERS:

Slay, slay, slay, slay!

(Everyone leaves the stage. Laurie enters, and finds Dr.Loomis wounded on the ground.)

DR. LOOMIS:

Oh, Laurie

I'm fine, don't be sad

Michael Meyers, he is bad

He thought he killed me, but I was fine

Hurry hurry, there's still time

We have to catch the madman before the day is done!

LAURIE:

Hurry hurry hurry, catch the crazy guy

He's on the loose again, making people die

Hurry hurry hurry, it's halloween night

The day he came home again, to give us all a fright!

BACKUP SINGERS:

Hurry hurry hurry, catch the crazy guy!

DR.LOOMIS:

Hurry hurry hurry, he's gotten more insane

Something's gone wrong with him, damaged is his brain

Hurry hurry hurry, shoot him in the head

I won't retire, until I see him dead!

BACKUP SINGERS:

Hurry hurry hurry, catch the crazy guy!

EVERYONE:

HURRY HURRY HURRY! CATCH THE CRAZY GUY!

(The stage is cleared off. Michael Meyers enters, he sits on a bench and pulls out a banjo)

MICHAEL:

Why does everyone hate me?

I'm really not so bad

Every year at Halloween

There's just too much fun to be had

Why not just lock me up?

For one day a year?

The rest of the time

I'm as calm as a deer!

BACKUP SINGERS

Why not lock him up, for one day a year?

MICHAEL:

I've got this ancient Pagan curse, that makes me bad inside

But for 364 days a year, I'm really not a bad guy!

The cowboy in black, he makes me kill

He makes me crazy, my mind ill

He's the one on Halloween, that makes me go so bad

Why not just lock me up?

For one day a year!

BACKUP SINGERS:

Why not just lock him up, for one day a year?

COWBOY IN BLACK:

Hahaha, guess who's back?

The pagans are angry, they need more blood

You've got work to do, people to kill

Why not just be controlled?

For one day a year!

MICHAEL:

You bad, bad man!

I hate you so!

The pagans suck

They really blow

Why can't I be free?

For eternity?

Or just lock me up

For one day a year!

BACKUP SINGERS:

Why not just lock him up, for one day a year?

COWBOY IN BLACK:

Shut up. Go kill people.

MICHAEL:

Yeah, ok.

(The stage clears. We see Dr.Loomis and Laurie standing in the old Meyers home.)

DR. LOOMIS:

So this is it, where the madness started

Michael Killed his sister, as a child

Wearing a clown costume, his brain so wild

But this is where the horror ends

Michael's bad, and he will bend

We'll catch him where he started it all

Back in the home, where evil did dwell!

All those years ago!

LAURIE:

We'll catch him where he started it all!

All those years ago!

This house where his sister died

We'll catch his quick, his hands tied

We'll catch him where he started it all!

All those years ago!

BACKUP SINGERS:

All those years ago!

Where evil was born and raised

He killed his sister in cold blood

All those years ago!

DR.LOOMIS:

Oh Michael, you were such a bad boy

All those years ago!

But you grew into a worse man

In the years ahead!

But this will end, today and forever

We'll catch you again,where it all started

Where you killed your sister, as a small child

All those years ago!

BACKUP SINGERS:

All those years ago!

Where evil was born and raised

He killed his sister in cold blood

All those years ago!

(Michael Meyers enters the house, the audience gasps.)

MICHAEL:

So, you've waited here, in my old home

Ready to catch me, and end my fun

Well, you should now

I'm not evil anymore

I've killed the cowboy in black

The pagans are no more!

(Happy music begins to play)

MICHAEL:

From now on, there'll be peace from me

No more blood or violence

Or anything else naughty

From now on, I'll be better than a nun

I'll put down my knife, and have good clean fun

BACKUP SINGERS:

From now on, he's better than a nun

He'll put down his knife, and have some good clean fun

DR.LOOMIS:

Michael, I'm proud of you from now on

You've learned to beat the curse, and have some fun

I'm happy to say, you're no longer certified insane

From now on, you're just having good clean fun

LAURIE:

You're the greatest friend, I could ever ask for

You're no longer killing, you've got ridden of the gore

And though you killed my family and friends, I'm as happy as can be

From now on, you'll be a friend to me

BACKUP SINGERS:

From now on, he's better than a nun

He'll put down his knife, and have some good clean fun

(Michael stabs Dr.Loomis)

MICHAEL:

Hahaha, I was kidding

I'm still evil as can be

I'm worse than the devil himself

I'm the top shelf, of pure evil

I'll gut you, I'll cut you, I'll stab you today

Whatever method I choose, you will pay

I'll shoot you, I'll kick you, I'll pound you in the face

I'm the meanest guy around

In the contest of evilness, I took first place

BACKUP SINGERS:

He's the meanest guy around

In the contest of evilness

He took first place

LAURIE:

Michael, how could you?

I thought you had changed

You were better than a nun

And as safe as a train

But you're still the meanest guy around

You just killed Dr. Loomis

In the contest of evilness

You took first place

DR. LOOMIS:

I'm back, I was kidding again

You could never kill me Michael

You've got bad aim

I know you were kidding

You could never change

You're the meanest guy around

In the contest of evilness

You took first place

BACKUP SINGERS:

He's the meanest guy around

In the contest of evilness

He took first place

(Dr.Loomis shoots Michael)

DR. LOOMIS:

The nightmare is over, once and for all

Michael's dead, he's taken the fall

Through the streets they'll scream and chant

The Mikester is dead, his head full of lead

BACKUP SINGERS:

Through the streets they'll scream and chant

The Mikester is dead, his head full of lead

LAURIE:

Dr.Loomis I love you, please have my kids

You're 40 years older than me, but who cares?

Michael is dead, the curse is now dead

Through the streets I'll scream and chant

Laurie and Loomis have decided to wed!

DR. LOOMIS AND LAURIE:

Through the streets they'll scream and chant

Laurie and Loomis have decided to wed!

(The curtain closes as Dr.Loomis and Laurie kiss)

NEW THIS FALL! YOU'VE SEEN HALLOWEEN: MUSICAL, NOW BUY THE CD! FEATURING SOME OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS SUCH AS :

- It's Halloween!

- Let's Fight!

- Slay, Slay, Slay

- Hurry, Hurry, Hurry and catch the crazy guy!

- Why not lock him up?

- All those years ago

- Good Clean Fun

- 1st place in Evilness

- Through the streets they'll scream!

THIS FALL, BRING THE MUSIC HOME!