Halloween: The Musical
(The stage is dark. A spotlight is turned on, and we see Michael Meyers is standing inside of it. He begins to sing.)
MICHAEL:
I am just a poor man
With a machete full of love
I kill to be happy
And I'm happy to kill
Is there room in my black heart for love?
(All the lights turn on, revealing a bunch of dancers. The music begins to speed up)
MICHAEL:
Oh, IT'S HALLOWEEN!
Time for dancing and murder!
I'll cut, cut cut
Until I'm caught, caught, caught
It's Halloween, the killingest time of the year
BACKUP SINGERS:
It's Halloween!
The Killingest time of the year!
MICHAEL:
I'll grab my facourite knife
And cut, cut, cut, cut, cut
Until the morning light!
BACKUP SINGERS:
He'll cut, cut, cut, cut, cut
Until the morning light!
MICHAEL:
But all is not well on Halloween.
Dr. Loomis is free, looking for me!
The police are searching, high and low!
But who are they kidding?
They can never catch me!
(Dr.Loomis enters the stage. He begins to rap.)
DR.LOOMIS:
Michael, Michael you dirty little man
You must stop the killing, I'm not a fan
You've killed your sister, with a knife
C'mon now Michael, get a damn life
I'm Dr. L, here to say
You'll never get away this in the US of A
(Michael stabs him)
MICHAEL:
IT'S HALLOWEEN!
THE KILLINGEST TIME OF THE YEAR!
(The music stops and the stage clears. Laurie enters, and starts to sing.)
LAURIE:
Oh Michael, I miss you so
My life is so boring
Without your knife
And even though I died in 8
I'm back, better than before
Ready to take you on again!
(The music begins to speed up)
Michael, oh Michael!
Let's have a fistfight
A duel at dawn
A fight in the night
I'll stab you, shoot you
Blow you away
Let's fight again, maybe today
BACKUP SINGERS
She'll fight you, stab you, blow you away
Fight her tonight, later today!
LAURIE
You're such a coward
To scared and try to kill me again
But bring it on, bitch
I'll stab you in the face
BACKUP SINGERS
Bring it on, bitch
She'll stab you in the face
LAURIE
You may have won in the past, but not anymore
I'll kick you in the face, you dumb little whore
(The song ends, and the stage clears. Michael enters, along with a girl. They sing.)
GIRL:
Oh my god, it's the man himself
Michael Meyers, back from the dead
Why, oh why do I have to die?
MICHAEL:
Please, don't be scared
It'll hurt for a second
But as soon as my knifes stabs you in the face
You won't feel a thing
Except the sharp, stining pain as it jabs into your eye
BACKUP SINGERS:
Except the sharp, stinging pain
GIRL:
Can't you let me live? I'll give you money
I'll give you credit cards, a jar of honey?
I'll give you postcards, bake you a cake
But as soon as you turn around
I'll stab you with a rake!
MICHAEL:
A jar of honey?
Lots of money?
I don't need such things
I just want your blood
And then maybe I'll still your wallet
But that's beside the point!
(Michael stabs her)
MICHAEL:
Hahaha, what a crazy kind of day
Halloween, Halloween
It makes you feel a crazy kind of way
Makes you want to slay, slay, slay
BACKUP SINGERS:
Slay, Slay, Slay, Slay!
MICHAEL:
Grab a knife, and join the fun
Kill a father, kill a son
Have a jolly good old day
Just slay, slay, slay, slay!
BACKUP SINGERS:
Slay, slay, slay, slay!
(Everyone leaves the stage. Laurie enters, and finds Dr.Loomis wounded on the ground.)
DR. LOOMIS:
Oh, Laurie
I'm fine, don't be sad
Michael Meyers, he is bad
He thought he killed me, but I was fine
Hurry hurry, there's still time
We have to catch the madman before the day is done!
LAURIE:
Hurry hurry hurry, catch the crazy guy
He's on the loose again, making people die
Hurry hurry hurry, it's halloween night
The day he came home again, to give us all a fright!
BACKUP SINGERS:
Hurry hurry hurry, catch the crazy guy!
DR.LOOMIS:
Hurry hurry hurry, he's gotten more insane
Something's gone wrong with him, damaged is his brain
Hurry hurry hurry, shoot him in the head
I won't retire, until I see him dead!
BACKUP SINGERS:
Hurry hurry hurry, catch the crazy guy!
EVERYONE:
HURRY HURRY HURRY! CATCH THE CRAZY GUY!
(The stage is cleared off. Michael Meyers enters, he sits on a bench and pulls out a banjo)
MICHAEL:
Why does everyone hate me?
I'm really not so bad
Every year at Halloween
There's just too much fun to be had
Why not just lock me up?
For one day a year?
The rest of the time
I'm as calm as a deer!
BACKUP SINGERS
Why not lock him up, for one day a year?
MICHAEL:
I've got this ancient Pagan curse, that makes me bad inside
But for 364 days a year, I'm really not a bad guy!
The cowboy in black, he makes me kill
He makes me crazy, my mind ill
He's the one on Halloween, that makes me go so bad
Why not just lock me up?
For one day a year!
BACKUP SINGERS:
Why not just lock him up, for one day a year?
COWBOY IN BLACK:
Hahaha, guess who's back?
The pagans are angry, they need more blood
You've got work to do, people to kill
Why not just be controlled?
For one day a year!
MICHAEL:
You bad, bad man!
I hate you so!
The pagans suck
They really blow
Why can't I be free?
For eternity?
Or just lock me up
For one day a year!
BACKUP SINGERS:
Why not just lock him up, for one day a year?
COWBOY IN BLACK:
Shut up. Go kill people.
MICHAEL:
Yeah, ok.
(The stage clears. We see Dr.Loomis and Laurie standing in the old Meyers home.)
DR. LOOMIS:
So this is it, where the madness started
Michael Killed his sister, as a child
Wearing a clown costume, his brain so wild
But this is where the horror ends
Michael's bad, and he will bend
We'll catch him where he started it all
Back in the home, where evil did dwell!
All those years ago!
LAURIE:
We'll catch him where he started it all!
All those years ago!
This house where his sister died
We'll catch his quick, his hands tied
We'll catch him where he started it all!
All those years ago!
BACKUP SINGERS:
All those years ago!
Where evil was born and raised
He killed his sister in cold blood
All those years ago!
DR.LOOMIS:
Oh Michael, you were such a bad boy
All those years ago!
But you grew into a worse man
In the years ahead!
But this will end, today and forever
We'll catch you again,where it all started
Where you killed your sister, as a small child
All those years ago!
BACKUP SINGERS:
All those years ago!
Where evil was born and raised
He killed his sister in cold blood
All those years ago!
(Michael Meyers enters the house, the audience gasps.)
MICHAEL:
So, you've waited here, in my old home
Ready to catch me, and end my fun
Well, you should now
I'm not evil anymore
I've killed the cowboy in black
The pagans are no more!
(Happy music begins to play)
MICHAEL:
From now on, there'll be peace from me
No more blood or violence
Or anything else naughty
From now on, I'll be better than a nun
I'll put down my knife, and have good clean fun
BACKUP SINGERS:
From now on, he's better than a nun
He'll put down his knife, and have some good clean fun
DR.LOOMIS:
Michael, I'm proud of you from now on
You've learned to beat the curse, and have some fun
I'm happy to say, you're no longer certified insane
From now on, you're just having good clean fun
LAURIE:
You're the greatest friend, I could ever ask for
You're no longer killing, you've got ridden of the gore
And though you killed my family and friends, I'm as happy as can be
From now on, you'll be a friend to me
BACKUP SINGERS:
From now on, he's better than a nun
He'll put down his knife, and have some good clean fun
(Michael stabs Dr.Loomis)
MICHAEL:
Hahaha, I was kidding
I'm still evil as can be
I'm worse than the devil himself
I'm the top shelf, of pure evil
I'll gut you, I'll cut you, I'll stab you today
Whatever method I choose, you will pay
I'll shoot you, I'll kick you, I'll pound you in the face
I'm the meanest guy around
In the contest of evilness, I took first place
BACKUP SINGERS:
He's the meanest guy around
In the contest of evilness
He took first place
LAURIE:
Michael, how could you?
I thought you had changed
You were better than a nun
And as safe as a train
But you're still the meanest guy around
You just killed Dr. Loomis
In the contest of evilness
You took first place
DR. LOOMIS:
I'm back, I was kidding again
You could never kill me Michael
You've got bad aim
I know you were kidding
You could never change
You're the meanest guy around
In the contest of evilness
You took first place
BACKUP SINGERS:
He's the meanest guy around
In the contest of evilness
He took first place
(Dr.Loomis shoots Michael)
DR. LOOMIS:
The nightmare is over, once and for all
Michael's dead, he's taken the fall
Through the streets they'll scream and chant
The Mikester is dead, his head full of lead
BACKUP SINGERS:
Through the streets they'll scream and chant
The Mikester is dead, his head full of lead
LAURIE:
Dr.Loomis I love you, please have my kids
You're 40 years older than me, but who cares?
Michael is dead, the curse is now dead
Through the streets I'll scream and chant
Laurie and Loomis have decided to wed!
DR. LOOMIS AND LAURIE:
Through the streets they'll scream and chant
Laurie and Loomis have decided to wed!
(The curtain closes as Dr.Loomis and Laurie kiss)
NEW THIS FALL! YOU'VE SEEN HALLOWEEN: MUSICAL, NOW BUY THE CD! FEATURING SOME OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS SUCH AS :
- It's Halloween!
- Let's Fight!
- Slay, Slay, Slay
- Hurry, Hurry, Hurry and catch the crazy guy!
- Why not lock him up?
- All those years ago
- Good Clean Fun
- 1st place in Evilness
- Through the streets they'll scream!
THIS FALL, BRING THE MUSIC HOME!
(The stage is dark. A spotlight is turned on, and we see Michael Meyers is standing inside of it. He begins to sing.)
MICHAEL:
I am just a poor man
With a machete full of love
I kill to be happy
And I'm happy to kill
Is there room in my black heart for love?
(All the lights turn on, revealing a bunch of dancers. The music begins to speed up)
MICHAEL:
Oh, IT'S HALLOWEEN!
Time for dancing and murder!
I'll cut, cut cut
Until I'm caught, caught, caught
It's Halloween, the killingest time of the year
BACKUP SINGERS:
It's Halloween!
The Killingest time of the year!
MICHAEL:
I'll grab my facourite knife
And cut, cut, cut, cut, cut
Until the morning light!
BACKUP SINGERS:
He'll cut, cut, cut, cut, cut
Until the morning light!
MICHAEL:
But all is not well on Halloween.
Dr. Loomis is free, looking for me!
The police are searching, high and low!
But who are they kidding?
They can never catch me!
(Dr.Loomis enters the stage. He begins to rap.)
DR.LOOMIS:
Michael, Michael you dirty little man
You must stop the killing, I'm not a fan
You've killed your sister, with a knife
C'mon now Michael, get a damn life
I'm Dr. L, here to say
You'll never get away this in the US of A
(Michael stabs him)
MICHAEL:
IT'S HALLOWEEN!
THE KILLINGEST TIME OF THE YEAR!
(The music stops and the stage clears. Laurie enters, and starts to sing.)
LAURIE:
Oh Michael, I miss you so
My life is so boring
Without your knife
And even though I died in 8
I'm back, better than before
Ready to take you on again!
(The music begins to speed up)
Michael, oh Michael!
Let's have a fistfight
A duel at dawn
A fight in the night
I'll stab you, shoot you
Blow you away
Let's fight again, maybe today
BACKUP SINGERS
She'll fight you, stab you, blow you away
Fight her tonight, later today!
LAURIE
You're such a coward
To scared and try to kill me again
But bring it on, bitch
I'll stab you in the face
BACKUP SINGERS
Bring it on, bitch
She'll stab you in the face
LAURIE
You may have won in the past, but not anymore
I'll kick you in the face, you dumb little whore
(The song ends, and the stage clears. Michael enters, along with a girl. They sing.)
GIRL:
Oh my god, it's the man himself
Michael Meyers, back from the dead
Why, oh why do I have to die?
MICHAEL:
Please, don't be scared
It'll hurt for a second
But as soon as my knifes stabs you in the face
You won't feel a thing
Except the sharp, stining pain as it jabs into your eye
BACKUP SINGERS:
Except the sharp, stinging pain
GIRL:
Can't you let me live? I'll give you money
I'll give you credit cards, a jar of honey?
I'll give you postcards, bake you a cake
But as soon as you turn around
I'll stab you with a rake!
MICHAEL:
A jar of honey?
Lots of money?
I don't need such things
I just want your blood
And then maybe I'll still your wallet
But that's beside the point!
(Michael stabs her)
MICHAEL:
Hahaha, what a crazy kind of day
Halloween, Halloween
It makes you feel a crazy kind of way
Makes you want to slay, slay, slay
BACKUP SINGERS:
Slay, Slay, Slay, Slay!
MICHAEL:
Grab a knife, and join the fun
Kill a father, kill a son
Have a jolly good old day
Just slay, slay, slay, slay!
BACKUP SINGERS:
Slay, slay, slay, slay!
(Everyone leaves the stage. Laurie enters, and finds Dr.Loomis wounded on the ground.)
DR. LOOMIS:
Oh, Laurie
I'm fine, don't be sad
Michael Meyers, he is bad
He thought he killed me, but I was fine
Hurry hurry, there's still time
We have to catch the madman before the day is done!
LAURIE:
Hurry hurry hurry, catch the crazy guy
He's on the loose again, making people die
Hurry hurry hurry, it's halloween night
The day he came home again, to give us all a fright!
BACKUP SINGERS:
Hurry hurry hurry, catch the crazy guy!
DR.LOOMIS:
Hurry hurry hurry, he's gotten more insane
Something's gone wrong with him, damaged is his brain
Hurry hurry hurry, shoot him in the head
I won't retire, until I see him dead!
BACKUP SINGERS:
Hurry hurry hurry, catch the crazy guy!
EVERYONE:
HURRY HURRY HURRY! CATCH THE CRAZY GUY!
(The stage is cleared off. Michael Meyers enters, he sits on a bench and pulls out a banjo)
MICHAEL:
Why does everyone hate me?
I'm really not so bad
Every year at Halloween
There's just too much fun to be had
Why not just lock me up?
For one day a year?
The rest of the time
I'm as calm as a deer!
BACKUP SINGERS
Why not lock him up, for one day a year?
MICHAEL:
I've got this ancient Pagan curse, that makes me bad inside
But for 364 days a year, I'm really not a bad guy!
The cowboy in black, he makes me kill
He makes me crazy, my mind ill
He's the one on Halloween, that makes me go so bad
Why not just lock me up?
For one day a year!
BACKUP SINGERS:
Why not just lock him up, for one day a year?
COWBOY IN BLACK:
Hahaha, guess who's back?
The pagans are angry, they need more blood
You've got work to do, people to kill
Why not just be controlled?
For one day a year!
MICHAEL:
You bad, bad man!
I hate you so!
The pagans suck
They really blow
Why can't I be free?
For eternity?
Or just lock me up
For one day a year!
BACKUP SINGERS:
Why not just lock him up, for one day a year?
COWBOY IN BLACK:
Shut up. Go kill people.
MICHAEL:
Yeah, ok.
(The stage clears. We see Dr.Loomis and Laurie standing in the old Meyers home.)
DR. LOOMIS:
So this is it, where the madness started
Michael Killed his sister, as a child
Wearing a clown costume, his brain so wild
But this is where the horror ends
Michael's bad, and he will bend
We'll catch him where he started it all
Back in the home, where evil did dwell!
All those years ago!
LAURIE:
We'll catch him where he started it all!
All those years ago!
This house where his sister died
We'll catch his quick, his hands tied
We'll catch him where he started it all!
All those years ago!
BACKUP SINGERS:
All those years ago!
Where evil was born and raised
He killed his sister in cold blood
All those years ago!
DR.LOOMIS:
Oh Michael, you were such a bad boy
All those years ago!
But you grew into a worse man
In the years ahead!
But this will end, today and forever
We'll catch you again,where it all started
Where you killed your sister, as a small child
All those years ago!
BACKUP SINGERS:
All those years ago!
Where evil was born and raised
He killed his sister in cold blood
All those years ago!
(Michael Meyers enters the house, the audience gasps.)
MICHAEL:
So, you've waited here, in my old home
Ready to catch me, and end my fun
Well, you should now
I'm not evil anymore
I've killed the cowboy in black
The pagans are no more!
(Happy music begins to play)
MICHAEL:
From now on, there'll be peace from me
No more blood or violence
Or anything else naughty
From now on, I'll be better than a nun
I'll put down my knife, and have good clean fun
BACKUP SINGERS:
From now on, he's better than a nun
He'll put down his knife, and have some good clean fun
DR.LOOMIS:
Michael, I'm proud of you from now on
You've learned to beat the curse, and have some fun
I'm happy to say, you're no longer certified insane
From now on, you're just having good clean fun
LAURIE:
You're the greatest friend, I could ever ask for
You're no longer killing, you've got ridden of the gore
And though you killed my family and friends, I'm as happy as can be
From now on, you'll be a friend to me
BACKUP SINGERS:
From now on, he's better than a nun
He'll put down his knife, and have some good clean fun
(Michael stabs Dr.Loomis)
MICHAEL:
Hahaha, I was kidding
I'm still evil as can be
I'm worse than the devil himself
I'm the top shelf, of pure evil
I'll gut you, I'll cut you, I'll stab you today
Whatever method I choose, you will pay
I'll shoot you, I'll kick you, I'll pound you in the face
I'm the meanest guy around
In the contest of evilness, I took first place
BACKUP SINGERS:
He's the meanest guy around
In the contest of evilness
He took first place
LAURIE:
Michael, how could you?
I thought you had changed
You were better than a nun
And as safe as a train
But you're still the meanest guy around
You just killed Dr. Loomis
In the contest of evilness
You took first place
DR. LOOMIS:
I'm back, I was kidding again
You could never kill me Michael
You've got bad aim
I know you were kidding
You could never change
You're the meanest guy around
In the contest of evilness
You took first place
BACKUP SINGERS:
He's the meanest guy around
In the contest of evilness
He took first place
(Dr.Loomis shoots Michael)
DR. LOOMIS:
The nightmare is over, once and for all
Michael's dead, he's taken the fall
Through the streets they'll scream and chant
The Mikester is dead, his head full of lead
BACKUP SINGERS:
Through the streets they'll scream and chant
The Mikester is dead, his head full of lead
LAURIE:
Dr.Loomis I love you, please have my kids
You're 40 years older than me, but who cares?
Michael is dead, the curse is now dead
Through the streets I'll scream and chant
Laurie and Loomis have decided to wed!
DR. LOOMIS AND LAURIE:
Through the streets they'll scream and chant
Laurie and Loomis have decided to wed!
(The curtain closes as Dr.Loomis and Laurie kiss)
NEW THIS FALL! YOU'VE SEEN HALLOWEEN: MUSICAL, NOW BUY THE CD! FEATURING SOME OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS SUCH AS :
- It's Halloween!
- Let's Fight!
- Slay, Slay, Slay
- Hurry, Hurry, Hurry and catch the crazy guy!
- Why not lock him up?
- All those years ago
- Good Clean Fun
- 1st place in Evilness
- Through the streets they'll scream!
THIS FALL, BRING THE MUSIC HOME!
