A/N: Hey Sparrow here. Sorry if some of you were expecting an update for 'Today is That Day', that'll be coming on Saturday, I promise. Don't ask me where this came from, I don't know. So for a bit more of a description than the summary, this is Raven in the real world. Like it's an AU where she's normal, no powers, the Titans/ other heros don't exist outside comics; the real world we live in. The one that is significantly lacking awesome. Yeah, her appearance is going to be different because normal people in our dimension (referencing DC universes XD) don't have purple skin or eyes or hair. Well some have purple hair, but I thought it would be better this way. I wove some parts of the song 'How Far We've Come' by Matchbox 20 in there, but those belong to that awesome band. Uhm, so read… and don't judge me too harshly…
Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans characters, I just bend them to my will. I also don't own any of Matchbox 20... don't sue me XD
The cars were moving about a half a mile an hour, and all I could do was stare at the passengers flitting through the streaked window. It seemed, as the rain poured down, that they waved goodbye crawling off at something bordering faster than a snail's pace.
I couldn't help wonder what was ever really special about me all this time.
Today was feeling like the end of the world. Things had gone from bad to worse. I won't delve into the details, but let's just say that the tears were getting harder and harder to hold back. Lip quivering, I grimly thought that when I was waking up, the end of the world seemed just like any other morning before.
I couldn't help but wonder what my life would mean if it was gone.
I'm not contemplating suicide. How could I when I couldn't even drive fast enough to get the adrenaline pumping. Maybe that's what I needed. Maybe I needed a thrill. I needed that twisted smile to scrawl across my face once more. But it was getting harder and harder to come by.
My mind and my car found their way to the small apartment. Sprinting through the rain, I somehow made it to my door only to notice the bright red 'EVICTED' sign plastered in the dead center. Almost breaking down right then and there, I ripped the sign off the door, picked the lock, and walked in anyway. All my furniture was covered in stark white drop cloths, dust coating every other inch. This was the third time I had been 'evicted' this month.
With heavy eyes, my gaze drifted over all the unfinished business here. The trash can full of failed sketches. The unfinished jigsaw puzzle. The table I kept meaning to replace the leg of. The leaky faucet, the broken light bulb, the static-filled television. All half-done, failed attempts. My ambition wasted.
Incomplete, just like me.
Tossing down my knapsack, kicking up a gray dust cloud, I stared with loathing at another failed attempt. This one was the most cutting of all. Another rejection letter. Well, two actually. One from the college and one from the publishing company. Both my dreams, my greatest ambitions. Another failure. Another disappointment. I was never good enough; I've never been good enough. There's always someone out there better, stronger, faster, smarter, slicker.
And I may be the best, strongest, fastest, smartest, but my tongue isn't oily. I don't schmooze. I'm not a yes man. I won't suck up. I'm stronger, better, smarter than that. I have a free will, and I chose to use it to be the best me I can be.
But to society, that doesn't seem good enough.
It's all I've got though. Me, I mean. Raven. It's what makes me special. It's the one thing I know I can just be. The one thing I can take pride in is me. It comes out through my deeper, darker, twisted, creepy, messed up writing because it's the one place I can let go. I have issues. I have demons. I put on a face for everyone and try not to cry. The one place I can just let go and really be myself.
And it's been breached.
Some people get freaked out. Some people stare at me shocked. But that just means I've done my job right. The publisher stomped on my heart and soul. Like it's just a genre that nobody likes. Like twisted is nothing special, like dark is simple. It's the hardest thing to do, tapping into the soul and letting the emotions pour into a piece.
Getting that twisted smile is a prize; a prize hardest to give to myself.
I think it turned ten o'clock, but I don't have a watch. I don't really know. Then again, I don't really care. Time is nothing in the big scheme of things. Thinking about how I just wanted all this misery to end was the last straw. At last I started crying. The salty tears cascaded down my face causing small dark puddles to form on the floor.
I couldn't stop myself.
Only clad in a worn, old navy trench coat for protection from the rain, I ran. I started running, but there was nowhere to run to. I had no one. No one cared about me. I was supposed to be the child prodigy. Everyone probably assumed I was a quiet billionaire by now. I hadn't heard from my so called 'friends' since I left home.
Panting and out of breath I collapsed on the curb. Sitting there I caught a glance of myself in a rippling puddle. I took a look at myself and mumbled to no one but the chilly air before me "Where you going, Raven, you know your world is headed for hell."
And I couldn't answer that.
I honestly didn't know where I was going. My bedraggled appearance in the water only confirmed those suspicions. My short black hair wet, matted, sticking to my scalp. Blue eyes red rimmed. Pale tear tracks in the dirt that had covered my face. I hadn't slept soundly in days, and the guilt was eating me alive.
It's gone. Gone. It's all gone. Hope. Dreams. Aspiration. Ambition. And most importantly motivation. Gone. There was no one on the corner going to walk up and give me a golden ticket, and there was no one at home either. I had a chance and I blew it. Now it's over for me. I'm doomed to a life of failure.
Just when my last shred of hope flowed away with my last shred of Skull*, I heard footsteps splashing down the street. Getting up, I began to walk aimlessly back to my apartment. It was probably just the cops, coming to arrest me for some unknown violation. To most people I just seemed like bad news.
"WAIT!" they called out. And for some reason, I did. I don't know what came over me, but the despair seemed… lesser. The pain more bearable at the sound of that one voice. Maybe… no that's silly… but maybe, just maybe I didn't have to go it alone.
Slowly I rotated on my heels, not really knowing why I did it. Glancing from the hole in my black Converses to the person calling out, my watery blue eyes fizzled with hope. Someone… cared. I smiled at the thought.
They finished running up to me panting when they finally got to my side. Between gulps of air he got out "Would you like… to share… my umbrella?"
Swallowing the lump in my throat and holding back tears I nodded my head slightly. It felt… nice to have someone care.
Our faces now in the shadow under the black umbrella I saw him for the first time. It was a young handsome face, tan and inviting. The deep navy blue eyes were full of kindness, mischief, intelligence, and compassion. His dark hair stuck to his forehead where some of the chilling rain had gotten past the defense of the umbrella.
I felt more than a little self conscious.
"I couldn't help notice you sitting there alone being poured on. Not a very good plan if you ask me."
I let out a sound that was a mix between a sob and a laugh. I was just too overwhelmed. He gently took my chin with his free hand that wasn't holding the umbrella and looked me in the eyes. That one look he gave me, it chilled me to the bone. It held volumes. It told of demons, just like mine; of inner darkness, just like mine; of the fear of failure, of not being good enough, of not being the best, just like mine. In that one look I could tell I'd found someone special; someone just like me.
Shivering slightly from the freezing water soaking through my thin coat as we stood there, I barely whispered, "What's your name?" The reply was the best thing I've ever heard. It was something I myself would have said had I not been so distraught. Had I been myself.
"My name is Grayson," he said, mildly startled, "Uh, Richard Grayson. James Bond cliché, sorry," he said with a soft smile.
I smiled back, though it didn't quite reach my still teary eyes. Richard Grayson. I liked how that rolled off the tongue. Taking a deep breath I looked away from his intense gaze.
"And you are?" he asked.
I stood there for a minute. Thinking. Maybe that's my weakness. I think. Too much. I can't stop going over every failure, every mistake. I sometimes wish I could just shut it off and be normal.
"I'm a writer," I answered finally, shoving the rejected letter to the back of my mind. "The name's Raven."
A pause. He looked at me, about to probably give me a compliment, but I cut him off.
"No. I don't have a last name, not that I remember. It's just Blank. Raven Blank," at the end of the sentence I smiled. My first real smile in a long time. I was done hiding.
"Well, Miss Blank," Richard said with a wink, guiding me away from the curb, "what do you write about?"
"Recently I had this idea about a team of young superheroes called the Teen Titans. So far it hasn't gone over well, but I feel I'm onto something."
"That sounds like a good idea. I'm no superhero, but I couldn't help seeing you on the side of the road there and knowing, in my heart, that there was more to you than meets the eye."
I looked up at him, "Maybe that's your super power. Seeing. Knowing."
We walked on, the pounding rain the only noise for a few minutes. Gazing off into the distance Richard finally spoke.
"Maybe it is."
A/N: *Skull is a brand of chewing tobacco* … so what did you think? like it, love it, hate it? comment below and let me know. I know it was… different, but for some reason it came to me and I couldn't sleep last night until I wrote it. One last thing before I let you go, I translated Raven's sort of half demon side and powers to her having dark writing. It just seemed right… please review and let me know what you thought *nervous smile*
-Your friendly neighborhood Sparrow
