Disclaimer: I don't own them, even though I wouldn't mind.

a/n: This one-shot just came to me while watching TV so I wrote it, even though it's 2 a.m. here in Macedonia. So, here it is…

Always on my mind

Two days have passed since they called me telling me they are sorry, that you were dead and still I can't bring myself to believe. Only couple of days ago you were calling me in your office to yell at me because I disobeyed a direct order, because I pissed of some 'feds' while working a case or just failed to collect the case reports in time. I miss that. I miss our fights on daily basis, but regardless of that I miss you. I miss the way your eyes sparkled with anger and fury, which was actually a good cover for your true feelings, the feelings I know you kept of me. I miss the way your beautiful red curls fell freely on your shoulders just like before, just like Paris, just like the time when we were happy.

The pain is greater now as I pass the initial shock I was in since I've heard. It increases with every question that pops into my head. Did you love me; could we had a second chance; would have anything changed if I admitted that I loved you; would've d it made any difference…I am thinking about this the past two days, just sitting in my basement, drinking bourbon and thinking, knowing it's too late. I can't accept the fact that I'm never gonna see you again, that I will never see that smile again, your most powerful weapon against me, the smile that melted my heart from the day we met.

I am staring at the stairs from my basement, hoping that I will hear the unique sound of your ridiculously high heels gracefully descending. Hoping to hear your voice greet me, make a comment about me sitting alone and drinking, while your soft hands are taking the glass of bourbon away from my hand and driving it to your mouth to take a sip of the burning liquid. Now, I almost see you blink your eyes and then looking at me trough your extremely long lashes.

I slowly shake my head in order to get you off my mind, but I fail, just like I failed to protect you when you needed me the most.

So, as a result from that, from now on, I will have to learn to do trough the day without teasing you, without bringing coffee in MTAC, without storming trough Cynthia's office and annoying the young woman…

Realizing that the list of things which are going to change is a little bit longer than I thought, I lean my head back into the wall and fall asleep. Even in sleep I was thinking about her, finally understanding that after this day, the day I lost a woman I cared for the most, nothing is going to stay the same.

a/n: Please let me know what you think!