Disclaimer: Tolkien the All-Mighty, who is God, owns all
Do I really have to write this every time? Does anyone really care if I own whatever things I mention in my stories? (Abbah I copied from Abba, but I'm sure you know that.)
Plot: nonexistent, really. If you really want to know, read the Lord of the Rings trilogy, but this is my version of the story. WARNING: DO NOT READ IF THIS YOU HAVEN'T READ THE ACTUAL BOOK. As well as not understanding a lot of the stuff I write, it'll ruin your reading of the real thing. All characters mentioned belong to other people and will be sent back via airmail, except for Legolas because he's MINE PRECIOUS! Actually no, I prefer to be obsessive from afar so I won't hurt him and he will be sent back with the others. With a tracking device planted on him somewhere. *Grins evilly*.
Once, in the third age of a place called middle-earth, an old man called Gandalf, who was a wizard, was imprisoned in the Orthanc Retirement Home that was run by another wizard called Saruman. That's the true story, but as it was passed down through the ages it got changed (to make it more interesting for some reason) so that Saruman used to be a good wizard but then he studied the works of some other evil guy called Sauron for too long and that's how he turned bad. Well, that's one explanation, another is that he went mad cos the only other living thing he met while he was living in Isengard was the occasional horse that had got lost and wandered in from Rohan. Anyway, Gandalf escaped on a giant eagle and it dropped him off near the borders of some land called the Shire, and he decided to go and visit his friend Bilbo who lived there, and who also happened to be a hobbit, which was what midgets were called there.
"Hello Gandalf!" said Frodo when he opened the door. "What're you doing here?"
"I just popped in for a chat with Bilbo."
"That might be a problem," said Frodo uneasily, "I hate to tell you this Gandalf, but he disappeared on the night of his birthday and we haven't seen him since. Do you know where he is?"
"He did mention something about going to a sleepover party with the elves a while ago. If he's there don't worry, they tend to last a century or so."
"Well come in anyway and tell me everything that's happened lately."
So Gandalf came in and told Frodo the latest news: some new band called Abbah touring in Gondor, and Galadriel dying her hair blonde, and what had happened when he'd stopped in at Isengard to say hello to Saruman.
"Oh, and there was something about this dude called Sauron I think, appearing on Mirkwood's Most Wanted, but he's disappeared and I forgot where. But it's not that important." Gandalf noticed something gold in Frodo's ear. "Hey Frodo, what's that?"
"This? I found it on the floor the night Bilbo disappeared, and I thought hey that would be a really good earring, and I'm really popular with the girls now, so its cool." Frodo waved his hand towards the garden, where hundreds of teenaged girls were pushed against the window waving and screaming "We love you Elijah!"
Gandalf raised his eyebrows. "Elijah?"
Frodo shrugged, "They seem to think that's my name, and it's kinda cute, so I don't mind that much." Just then he tripped over something and his earring chose that moment to inconveniently slip off his ear and go flying into the fire.
"NOOO!" Frodo cried, "I really liked that ring!"
Gandalf grabbed the fire tongs and managed to pick up Frodo's earring. As he carried it carefully over to the table, he noticed something unusual. "Hey Frodo, is it just me or were those markings not there before?" Frodo looked at his earring. "I don't think so, but I don't see much of it while I'm wearing it, so they might have been there. It could just be, you know, general scratches."
"No, I can read some of what's written here."
"Really?! What does it say?"
"'Made by Sauron's Jewelry Store, Copyright First Age'. And there's something in elvish too, I think it's their motto. Something about 'one ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them'." Gandalf shrugged. "Oh well, nothing important."
"So what do you want to do now?" asked Frodo.
"I'm thinking of going to that elvish sleepover in Rivendell. Want to come?"
"Sure!" said Frodo. And so they got their stuff ready and decided to leave at night and go the weird and spooky way just to make it more fun, with a stopover in Bree. But for some reason there was a rumour going around the shire that there were these black rider guys galloping around freaking everyone out and it was generally assumed that they were foreign and had wandered in here because they were drunk and it would be a good idea to stay indoors until they'd either been arrested or ridden off to some other part of the world, and Gandalf didn't really want to meet up with them since he swore he'd heard some whispering coming from Frodo's earring and they could understand it.
They were ready to go when Gandalf heard rustling in the garden outside (still packed full of screaming girls), so he made Frodo get down and poked his staff into the bushes and found.
"Sam!" said Frodo in amazement.
"Dammit Samwise, have you been eavesdropping?" said Gandalf.
"Um yes sir," said Sam, deciding to go for the quick-and-honest route, "I wasn't going to listen, truly I wasn't, but then I heard something about elves and a sleepover and I was wondering if I pretended to be Frodo's servant, could I come too?" He gazed up at Gandalf hopefully.
"Ask Frodo, he's the one you'll be serving."
"Please Frodo can I come?"
"Oh all right, but if I decide to go off on a scary quest thing with no hope of coming back alive, you have to promise to come with me."
"Will you be doing that Mr Frodo?"
"It's just a precaution."
"Ok then."
And so they linked arms and skipped away down the road singing "We're off to see the elves, the wonderful elves of Oz!"
"I think it's supposed to be Rivendell."
"But that doesn't fit."
"Oz it is then!"
"We're off to see the elves, the wonderful elves of OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZ!"
Do I really have to write this every time? Does anyone really care if I own whatever things I mention in my stories? (Abbah I copied from Abba, but I'm sure you know that.)
Plot: nonexistent, really. If you really want to know, read the Lord of the Rings trilogy, but this is my version of the story. WARNING: DO NOT READ IF THIS YOU HAVEN'T READ THE ACTUAL BOOK. As well as not understanding a lot of the stuff I write, it'll ruin your reading of the real thing. All characters mentioned belong to other people and will be sent back via airmail, except for Legolas because he's MINE PRECIOUS! Actually no, I prefer to be obsessive from afar so I won't hurt him and he will be sent back with the others. With a tracking device planted on him somewhere. *Grins evilly*.
Once, in the third age of a place called middle-earth, an old man called Gandalf, who was a wizard, was imprisoned in the Orthanc Retirement Home that was run by another wizard called Saruman. That's the true story, but as it was passed down through the ages it got changed (to make it more interesting for some reason) so that Saruman used to be a good wizard but then he studied the works of some other evil guy called Sauron for too long and that's how he turned bad. Well, that's one explanation, another is that he went mad cos the only other living thing he met while he was living in Isengard was the occasional horse that had got lost and wandered in from Rohan. Anyway, Gandalf escaped on a giant eagle and it dropped him off near the borders of some land called the Shire, and he decided to go and visit his friend Bilbo who lived there, and who also happened to be a hobbit, which was what midgets were called there.
"Hello Gandalf!" said Frodo when he opened the door. "What're you doing here?"
"I just popped in for a chat with Bilbo."
"That might be a problem," said Frodo uneasily, "I hate to tell you this Gandalf, but he disappeared on the night of his birthday and we haven't seen him since. Do you know where he is?"
"He did mention something about going to a sleepover party with the elves a while ago. If he's there don't worry, they tend to last a century or so."
"Well come in anyway and tell me everything that's happened lately."
So Gandalf came in and told Frodo the latest news: some new band called Abbah touring in Gondor, and Galadriel dying her hair blonde, and what had happened when he'd stopped in at Isengard to say hello to Saruman.
"Oh, and there was something about this dude called Sauron I think, appearing on Mirkwood's Most Wanted, but he's disappeared and I forgot where. But it's not that important." Gandalf noticed something gold in Frodo's ear. "Hey Frodo, what's that?"
"This? I found it on the floor the night Bilbo disappeared, and I thought hey that would be a really good earring, and I'm really popular with the girls now, so its cool." Frodo waved his hand towards the garden, where hundreds of teenaged girls were pushed against the window waving and screaming "We love you Elijah!"
Gandalf raised his eyebrows. "Elijah?"
Frodo shrugged, "They seem to think that's my name, and it's kinda cute, so I don't mind that much." Just then he tripped over something and his earring chose that moment to inconveniently slip off his ear and go flying into the fire.
"NOOO!" Frodo cried, "I really liked that ring!"
Gandalf grabbed the fire tongs and managed to pick up Frodo's earring. As he carried it carefully over to the table, he noticed something unusual. "Hey Frodo, is it just me or were those markings not there before?" Frodo looked at his earring. "I don't think so, but I don't see much of it while I'm wearing it, so they might have been there. It could just be, you know, general scratches."
"No, I can read some of what's written here."
"Really?! What does it say?"
"'Made by Sauron's Jewelry Store, Copyright First Age'. And there's something in elvish too, I think it's their motto. Something about 'one ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them'." Gandalf shrugged. "Oh well, nothing important."
"So what do you want to do now?" asked Frodo.
"I'm thinking of going to that elvish sleepover in Rivendell. Want to come?"
"Sure!" said Frodo. And so they got their stuff ready and decided to leave at night and go the weird and spooky way just to make it more fun, with a stopover in Bree. But for some reason there was a rumour going around the shire that there were these black rider guys galloping around freaking everyone out and it was generally assumed that they were foreign and had wandered in here because they were drunk and it would be a good idea to stay indoors until they'd either been arrested or ridden off to some other part of the world, and Gandalf didn't really want to meet up with them since he swore he'd heard some whispering coming from Frodo's earring and they could understand it.
They were ready to go when Gandalf heard rustling in the garden outside (still packed full of screaming girls), so he made Frodo get down and poked his staff into the bushes and found.
"Sam!" said Frodo in amazement.
"Dammit Samwise, have you been eavesdropping?" said Gandalf.
"Um yes sir," said Sam, deciding to go for the quick-and-honest route, "I wasn't going to listen, truly I wasn't, but then I heard something about elves and a sleepover and I was wondering if I pretended to be Frodo's servant, could I come too?" He gazed up at Gandalf hopefully.
"Ask Frodo, he's the one you'll be serving."
"Please Frodo can I come?"
"Oh all right, but if I decide to go off on a scary quest thing with no hope of coming back alive, you have to promise to come with me."
"Will you be doing that Mr Frodo?"
"It's just a precaution."
"Ok then."
And so they linked arms and skipped away down the road singing "We're off to see the elves, the wonderful elves of Oz!"
"I think it's supposed to be Rivendell."
"But that doesn't fit."
"Oz it is then!"
"We're off to see the elves, the wonderful elves of OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZ!"
