Their wands were interlocked, brilliant rays of red and green striking each other. On one end, a boy of the age of 17 with messy black hair and emerald green eyes knelt; on the other, a man with pallid skin as white as snow and two slits for a nose.

"Give up, boy," the man sneered.

The boy didn't change a bit. His eyes focused in on the magnificent light show in front of him. All of a sudden, a thought crossed his mind.

"WAIT A MINUTE." Surprised, both Voldemort and Harry stopped at the same time.

"Um... what?"

"Why are you doing this?" Harry breathed heavily. "There has to be some other reason to some stupid prophecy that might have a chance of never coming true."

"It's... the prophecy."

"Made by Professor Trelawny."

"...Good point."

Trelawny scoffed and stomped off.

Harry glanced back at Voldemort when Trelawny left eyesight. Sighing, Voldemort put down his wand as a strange feeling washed over him. It was telling him that violence would never solve anything, which was a very strange thought for dearest Voldie indeed.

"When I was a boy in the orphanage," the Dark Lord started, his past taking over him, "I was confronted by a man who told me that I was a wizard and he was too."

"Dumbledore already told me this," Harry interrupted.

"But Dumbledore doesn't tell you everything, boy!" Voldemort snapped. "He left out quite a few things already."

Harry stayed quiet.

"As I was saying," he continued, "the wizard left behind a strange necklace. It was in the shape of an hourglass. I don't know where it came from or what it was, but absent-minded, I spun it around this way and that. I found the world going back and forth around me and then-"

"What?"

A shot of light hit the spectator who uttered the word. "Don't interrupt me," Voldie hissed at the unconscious audience member. He composed himself. "All I know then was that I ended up in the future."

"But time turners only go back in time," Harry commented. "How did you go forwards?"

"How did love protect you?"

Harry silenced himself once more.

Glaring at Harry still, he started again. "I went to Hogwarts a little before James got there." Harry stared at Voldie wide-eyed, and Voldemort knew what he meant. "Yes, your father," Voldemort told Harry. "Because I was an orphan living at random wizards' houses during the summers, his parents were oh-so kind enough to let me stay there one year. They even let me become a permanent resident by adopting me! But then..." He scowled. "Sirius."

The name slid through his teeth as smoothly and slyly as a snake from a hole in a wall. Harry started checking for Nagini just to remember she was dead.

"Sirius stole my place!" Voldemort's voice was gaining volume. "They all forgot about me! It was just James and Sirius. I eventually left, and nobody noticed! I vowed to get my revenge on them."

"Why my dad? He didn't do anything."

"He brought Sirius home, you insolent child!"

Once again, Harry shut up.

"Years later, I found an excuse to gain revenge. I went to your house, to destroy you and your family, but... you know the rest."

Harry stared down at his feet. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Voldemort was his uncle? He was just a poor, ignored soul? But then the most important thought struck him.

"So, you mean the Horcruxes weren't for anything?"

"Well, not exactly-"

"This whole BATTLE isn't for anything?"

"Well, um-"

"YOU DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT ME?"

"Not really. The prophecy was all an excuse." He laughed. "I was just going out with it because it's pointless to come back and not finish what I was apparently doing beforehand. What would my followers think?"

Harry glowered at him with disbelief. What was he hearing? What should he say?

"Alright, then." Harry grinned.

The whole Great Hall gasped.

Voldemort's face lit up. "Shall we get some ice cream?"

Harry laughed. "Sure, Uncle Voldie! I'm so glad we didn't have to finish that prophecy!"

(Meanwhile, Trelawny was packing up her bags to get ready to move and change her name for the oncoming storm of "responsibility" for all the deaths.)

With his arm around Harry's shoulders, Voldemort and Harry strolled out of the ruins, laughing and chatting lightly.

Behind them stood a large crowd of people, shock displayed on their faces in an obvious fashion. Death Eaters and the wizards fighting for Hogwarts all stared at each other, thinking the same things.

"So... Fred, Tonks, Lupin, Dumbledore, Cedric, Sirius, Snape... are dead for nothing?" Ron yelled.

"I kissed Ron for nothing?" Hermione called out.

"I lost my ear for nothing?" George hollered.

The Death Eaters started shuffling away nervously. "Um..." one started. "This is... awkward."

Suddenly Fred sat up. The Weasley family screamed, alarming the rest of the hall. "Bloody hell!" Ron exclaimed.

Fred knew exactly what they were thinking. "Respawn, guys," he explained. "Get with the program."

All the bodies of people who died sat up and started chatting and laughing. The remainder of the wizards who were still alive had fear and confusion frozen on their faces. They searched Fred for more answers. Fred shrugged. "If the author wants it, the author gets up." Stretching, he stood up and walked away.

"Hey! I got my ear back!"

~The End~