Yeah, these books annoy me. I'm half way through the second and it just makes me angry how bad they are. I don't know why I'm subjecting myself to carry on reading but I feel like it'll be a personal victory to get to the end of them. Anyway. This was just a way to vent about the parts that annoy me. A lot. More may follow if they get any worse. Which is likely.


"Oh baby," says Christian. "I want you."

I stare at him mesmerised. His body was a sculpture of pure manliness, his sweats hanging off him in that way – you know, that way where they're not really on him anymore. I could see the top of his boxers that cost $5,000,000 dollars. It was lucky he was so good at doing his job because I planned to rip them off him like the naughty girl I am.

"Oh baby," Christian repeated. Like a parrot.

His shirt was off, and his chest mysteriously sparkled in the sunlight. I could see his poor sad scars twinkling at me, and I wanted to kiss them so bad, gosh it made me so darn angry that he wouldn't let me! I moved towards him, hands outstretched like a zombie.

"Baby! What are you doing!" Christian frowns, his mood changing for the first time this paragraph. Then he smiled again. Then he frowned. Then he smiled. His scars shimmered as he flashed his teeth like the care-free boy I knew he was.

I plant my hands firmly on his scar-ridden chest, because copious amounts of fibrous tissue are so sexy. He gasps, closing his eyes in fear, trembling as he recalls the hideous memories that he refuses to tell me about. He doesn't push my hands away though and I start to cry because this moment is just so beautiful. I am touching this beautiful, sexy, chivalrous, tortured, sadistic and sexually depraved man. I am touching his chest like a normal girl! Yippee!

Holy Shit! Whoah! Fuck! I think, my random inner goddess screeching obscenities because they make her seem cooler. I cry some more, crystal tears drip dropping down my face because this moment is so beautiful. Or did I say that already? I wouldn't want to repeat myself.

"Oh baby," Christian moans. "I want you."

"I want you too," I whisper.

He rips my dress off and squeezes my nipple, Oh that's nice...I cum instantly, because that is what your average recent-virgin does when their nipple is touched. For a nano-second.

I pull his sweats down. "Ah baby" Christian smiles and frowns.

I put his big cock in my mouth, all the way in, because my mouth is huge and I know just how to do it, it's like instinct. Clearly I was a whore in my past life. I suck him up and down for a good minute before he pushes me off him.

"You wouldn't want me to cum in your mouth, would you baby?" Christian teases with a boyish glint in his eyes.

He pushes me onto the bed and pulls out a foil packet he had tucked under his armpit. It's important for everyone to know we practise safe sex. Every time. He rolls it onto his big, big penis and immediately penetrates me.

He thrusts once, twice, and I cum again. He does a few more and the moment is so, so, so amazing that I cum for the third time.

"Ana, baby!" He cries out. "Baby, baby, baby!"

I moan blissfully. That was wonderful. It's even better knowing that in five minutes we will probably do it again. It's a good thing weekends last for approximately 1,000 hours otherwise it would be like we never go to work or something.

He falls asleep instantly and I poke his scars happily.


I may not write much fanfic these days (or hatefic, as I like to call it.), but I still enjoy a good review. ;)