Disclaimer: Neither Harry nor George belong to me. Neither does the world this is set in. Nor Fred or any of the other characters mentioned. In short, I am not JKR, but a quiet writer, minding her own business on this corner of the web.
Loss
"Does it ever go away?"
The question was sudden, filled with despair, and with it, Harry felt his heart sink. Sighing, he turned to face George.
"Not really."
There did not seem to be much else to say. What could you say to someone who had paid such a high price for his freedom?
"Are you sure?"
Harry swallowed and looked away, over at the undisturbed orchard.
"You might be able to forget, and everything'll seem normal. But then you'll remember, and it'll feel twice as worse because you forgot."
"But…"
George appeared to be struggling with his words. Harry watched him out of the corner of his eye.
"But you're normal," he suddenly burst out. "You don't act any different to any bloke I've ever met. I kept forgetting your parents were dead, and I never understood what that meant, right up until, until," George shook his head, still in shock over the events of last month.
Harry laughed, but the sound was hollow.
"George, my parents have been dead my whole life, I've never known any different. Even Sirius I only knew for a few years, and spent a few months with at most. You've known Fred all your life. I can't tell you what to feel now, or how it'll be in five years."
The two men fell into silence.
"I don't want to forget." George whispered. "I can see the others walking around, and as if they don't remember that he's, that Fred," he said forcefully, "is dead."
"They haven't forgotten," Harry said quietly.
George looked at him sharply. "Then why do they all smile when they see me? Why do they insist I spend time with them? Percy tries to do everything for me now, trying to make up because Fred isn't here. They all want to talk with me, and tell me that it's alright, but it can't ever BE ALRIGHT."
George looked away from Harry, trying desperately to keep a hold of his emotions.
"It's not going to be alright is it?" His voice started to break, and his face began to crumble. "And Merlin, I wasn't even there, it wasn't even a Death Eater."
Harry looked around, slightly panicked. Anger he could deal with, even expected. The sight of George near howling in agony was a far cry then the laughing George he remembered hearing on the radio. Was that only a few months ago? It felt like a lifetime.
George stiffened as he felt a hesitant arm curve around his shoulders. He sat there; trying to quell the tears and despair that had welled up inside him. Then he heard Harry's voice.
"Look," he began. "I wouldn't try to stop it. You know, the grief. Hermione got pissed at me once, in sixth year, because she thought I was trying to bottle up all my grief."
George privately agreed with Hermione, but he kept silent.
"I ended crying in front of her, because her yelling was too much on top of trying to deal with everything else." Harry chuckled slightly. "Probably one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. I don't know who was more shocked, me or her, but since then I've learnt that it's probably better to get all the emotion out with friends rather than by yourself." George felt Harry shrug. "Makes breakdowns less likely anyway."
They sat in silence once more.
"It just feels like my heart's been ripped out. I loved him so much that now, it hurts." George glanced at Harry. "I didn't think it would hurt. Not physically. But it just aches because he's gone, and, and he can't come back."
Harry closed his eyes. The images of his friends and family faded in and out of focus.
Fred, Colin, Dobby, Cedric, Dumbledore, Tonks and Lupin.
His Mum and Dad.
Sirius.
George abruptly stood. He looked down at Harry, still lost in his own thoughts and grief.
"I'll see you around," George muttered.
Harry watched out of the corner of his eye as George made his way slowly inside.
He knew George would never be the same. He knew that life would be a struggle for George from now on.
But he also knew that George would be alright. He had family. He had support. And he had Fred with him forever.
AN: This is my first Harry Potter fanfiction. I wanted to do this first, because Fred's death always felt incredibly personal to me.
I have a twin sister and to imagine what George had to go through without Fred is very painful. So whilst I can't imagine precisely what happens to George, I can certainly empathise with his feeling of emptiness and despair. Having a twin is one of the most complex relationships in existence, as many of my 'twin friends' would agree with.
Any constructive criticism is most welcome.
Thank you for reading, and I hope you were affected in some way.
