p dir="ltr"After knowing that Clare really loves Eli, or "Emo Boy" as I used to call him, I knew I should move on from her, knowing it's the right thing to do. Heck, I found God and I'm pleased with myself because of it. I just wish someone understood me, rather than Father Greg, Peter and Spinner. My step brothers and parents don't seem to care that I'm being beat up, mostly from Steve./p
p dir="ltr"emOkay, Fitz. Just calm yourself. In and out./em I told myself, opening the door to my house. I went up to my room and started meditating, playing some relaxing music to calm myself. Since I became a Christian, I've kept myself out of trouble, especially with the law. I can't go back to Degrassi after I brought a knife during Vegas Night. What am I doing instead, you ask?/p
p dir="ltr"Working at The Dot. Spinner said he used to go to school there. He told me he got expelled when he was in 11th grade as well for bullying a guy named Rick but came back the next year. He told me he reverted into Christianity for this girl named Darcy. He still is a Christian, despite not being with her anymore./p
p dir="ltr"Peter said that he's gotten in trouble with the law twice. Once when he was drag racing and driving a suspended license. I can't blame him for what he's done though but I know what it's like. When I was at Lakehurst, Johnny did this as well and I thought he was going to get arrested. Luckily he didn't./p
p dir="ltr"Ever since I got expelled, I lost my friends because they either hate my guts for bringing a knife or my bullying towards Eli and Adam. I get what I've done was bad and all, but I feel like crap that I did this to myself and nobody seems to understand me./p
p dir="ltr"I apolgized to them and they still don't forgive me. I felt tears well up in my eyes, knowing that I'm alone and I have no friends whatsoever. My reputation has gotten worse too. I checked myself at the mirror and kept on staring at my cheek and torso, knowing they hurt but knew I deserved it for being a jerk to others for what I've done./p
p dir="ltr""Mark, is everything alright?" Father Greg asked, entering my room. I shook my head no and began to sob. "Mark, it's going to be alright." He hugged me, as I cried to his shoulders./p
p dir="ltr""Nobody wants to talk to me or forgive me for what I've done. Face it, I'm useless." I sobbed harder./p
p dir="ltr""You're not useless at all. Mark, I understand what you're going through is hard and all, but I can guarentee you, it won't be as bad as you think it is." He assured me./p
p dir="ltr""You hope so?" I wiped my tears./p
p dir="ltr""Of course. As long as you don't get yourself into trouble." He nodded, leaving the room. I felt a lump in my throat and I swallowed it./p
p dir="ltr"The next day, I got up as usual, changing into my uniform and left to The Dot. It's not far from where I live, since it's 4-5 minutes away. Once I got there, I began my shift and started sweeping the floor. I don't know why a lot of people say sweeping is boring. I think it's fun since it keeps my mind off of the bad things I've done or committed./p
p dir="ltr"Later that afternoon, I went back to sweep the floors. I was sweating and my heart was pounding as it became hard for me to breathe./p
p dir="ltr""Sir, are you alright?" A customer asked me. I dropped the broom and collapsed to the floor. When I woke up, I was in the emergency room and Peter was by my side./p
p dir="ltr""Man, what happened to me?" I asked, trying to get up./p
p dir="ltr""You passed out. Luckily, you didn't get a concussion." He told me. I felt a bandage on my forehead, trying to take it off but I couldn't do so./p
p dir="ltr""Ugh." I rolled my eyes in disbelief. Later that day, Father Greg picked me up and I went straight to my room. I read the bible for a few minutes, taking some notes. After that, I sang quietly. I'm actually good at singing, but I never told anyone. Plus, I thought they wouldn't like me for it so I kept it to myself./p
p dir="ltr"emWhat's wrong, Emo Boy? Out of smartass comments? /emMy mind said, reminding me what I said to Eli, just as I was about to stab him./p
p dir="ltr"emNo way, dude. You're actually a chick. /emMy mind repeated, referring to Adam, when he was in the guy's washroom and me and Owen were there, before we threw him against the glass door./p
p dir="ltr"I went downstairs and made myself some noodles and began eating it like a rebel, since I was that desperate for food. Once that was gone, I headed upstairs and began brushing my teeth, getting ready for tomorrow./p
p dir="ltr"I thought about it very carefully, especially now that I think before I say it and that is to go back to Degrassi. Despite everything that's happened, I would like a fresh start. I want to go back there and pretend nothing ever happened. The bullying, me almost stabbing Eli, everything. Now, I need to tell Father Greg about this because he's practically my guardian and (sort of) father figure./p
p dir="ltr"You know how they say the past is the past for a reason? I'm willing to move on and pretend I never caused any drama. It was now 10 PM and I prayed to God, for everything that I have and to thank him for being closer and closer to him each day. I'm proud to be a Christian and I'm proud that I found the Lord. I'm proud of myself for not getting into any trouble and I'm most especially proud for not being the bad boy I was once upon a time ago. /p