There was alcohol involved. That had to be the root of it.

But eyes, eyes all around the mess, all glued to him, said loud and clear that not one of them had yet consumed enough to excuse the words that just came out of his mouth.

"Did you just..." Wash tried to start, but soon trailed off, mouth agape. Simon was certain he looked like a suffocating fish, mouth opening and closing, but no sound coming out.

"I do believe he did," Mal piped up, a smile tugging at the edges of his lips. Simon threw him a scowl. It had no effect.

"Could it be," Mal dragged his chair closer to the Doctor, room otherwise silent, and clapped a hand to his shoulder, "you've finally joined our lowly ranks?"

River was beaming at him, a smile that might've split her face.

"I- I just, I misspoke-"

"No, no, son," Shepherd butted in, laughter in the back of his throat, "that was said with intent." Jayne chuckled from beside him.

"You're a real criminal lowlife, now," Zoe murmured into her drink. Inara shook her head as she hid her face behind her hand.

"You've ruined the poor boy!"

Kaylee giggled and elbowed River. "It was a matter a' time."

Mal straightened in his seat, put on his serious face, and extended to Simon a hand. Not knowing what else to do, he feebly took it.

"Welcome to my crew."

Everyone collapsed into fits of laughter.

All because he said 'ain't.'