Disclaimer:

Slayers haven't, aren't and will never belong to me. If it did, the world would be in worse trouble than it already is. I don't own the set of "The Weakest Link" either. If any part of this story offends, annoys or irks you, don't bother suing me!

I already asked Winona if I could borrow her lawyers and she said no. This isn't necessarily the Slayers playing The Weakest Link. This is more of a spoof of Game shows in general.

This is AU every now and then, mild swearing, perverted cracks, cheap shots at Lina's chest size and frequent Xellos bashing.

Look for possible cameos from my other story. Every character is free for teasing in here. Anime babes appearing, mace throwing, tempers flaring and sexual innuendoes.

Oh well, you have been warned. Don't complain when you read and end up not liking it. In the event that does happen, say so! In your review!

Unless there's a serious, valid reason for your dislike of the story, your comment will be appreciated, but ignored.

I'd like to apologize for how long the update on the fairy tale is taking! Don't worry! It's coming soon! Put your complaints and comments in your review, or e-mail them to: UnearthlyEmpire@hotmail.com.

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The Slayers knew they shouldn't have agreed to play a game with Xellos, but after Lina, Gourry and Amelia ran the lunch bill up so high it left Zelgadis broke, He offered to pick up the rest of the tab; on one condition. So while Lina and Gourry fought each other for the last Spring roll, Amelia tried to reason with the angry Chimera. "Please Zelgadis-san?" She pleaded. "No! You and I know better than to trust him!" Zelgadis growled. "But, Zelgadis-san." Amelia whimpered.

She looked over her shoulder at the restaurant owner who stood a few feet away, an evil gleam in his eye. "Its mine!" Lina howled, holding Gourry off with two salad forks. "You got the last piece of Lasagna last night!" Gourry argued.

He knocked one of the forks out of Lina's hands. "When are you going to realize no matter how much you eat, your chest isn't going to get any bigger?" All activity at the table ceased. Amelia and Zelgadis stared at Gourry in horror; Xellos sat calmly sipping his tea.

Lina Inverse's eyes narrowed dangerously, and Zelgadis and Amelia barely had time to duck before Lina launched her trademark spell at the swordsman. "FIREBALL!" She screamed. When the smoke cleared one wall of the restaurant was obliterated, as well as the swordsman. "LINA!" Zelgadis and Amelia yelled.

Lina sweat-dropped and laughed nervously. "Hehehe…Oops?" "My-my-my-my restaurant!" The Owner sputtered. He glared at Lina, Amelia and Zelgadis, before the trio ran away as fast as possible. "Maybe-we-should-take-Xellos-san's-offer!" Amelia huffed. "We'll have to now!" Zelgadis snapped. "Just keep running!" Lina yelled.

Gourry wasn't far behind, still charred from Lina's spell. He had the Owner following him, a frying pan in one hand. "Liiinnnaaa!" He cried. "My my! All this for a spring roll." Xellos remarked, watching the chase from a nearby roof. Lina ducked inside an alley, dragging Amelia, Zelgadis and Gourry along.

They tried to catch their breath, while keeping watch for the owner. "How bad could it be?" Lina gasped. Zelgadis glared at her. "Think about it, Lina!" He snapped. "He's gotten us turned into dolls, given us false clues-" "Saved you from death by frying pan." Xellos added, appearing before the group. "You should thank Xellos-sama, Lina Inverse!" Martina exclaimed, from her spot beside Xellos.

Amelia tilted her head to the side. "Martina-san? Have you been following us again?" Martina sweat-dropped. "N-n-no! Of course not! I live only to get revenge on Lina Inverse!" The former princess raged. Xellos looked down at Martina and frowned.

"Martina-san, if you and Lina-san can't get along, you can't play." Xellos said firmly. "Yes Xellos-sama!" Martina replied. "So we are playing?" Gourry asked, glancing at Lina. "Say no! Say no!" Zelgadis begged. Lina scratched her head thoughtfully. "We don't have any other choice." She replied. Xellos smiled cheerfully as Zel hung his head in defeat. Lina patted his arm. "Don't worry, Zel!" "What game are we playing, Xellos-san?" Amelia asked.

Xellos sighed briefly before cocking an eye open and wagging a finger at everyone. "Sore wa himitsu desu!" Lina hoped she didn't live to regret this. Zelgadis started to sob, realizing once again, Lina was putting their lives in Xellos's hands.

Gourry looked confused. He lost the point of the conversation long ago. "Zelgadis-san! Its okay! Don't cry!" Amelia tried consoling the chimera. "You're lucky we gave that Restaurant Owner wrong directions!" Martina said haughtily.

Lina rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Knock it off, Martina." Lina replied. Martina got into Lina's face. "Listen up Lina Inverse! I am going to beat you at this game and when I do, you will feel the awesome and terrifying power of Lord Zomelgustav!" She exclaimed.

Lina looked unimpressed as she wiped a bit of spittle off her face. "We'll just wait and see." Lina said calmly. "What's Zelgadis crying about?" Gourry asked. Amelia glanced at him and sighed. "Is everyone ready to play?" Xellos asked. Lina figured it was now or never and she nodded.

"Yeah, we're ready." "You'll like this game, Lina-san!" The mazoku smiled. Zelgadis grabbed Gourry's shirt. "Make her say no! Make her say no!" He begged. "Zelgadis-san! Its too late!" Amelia exclaimed.

"Lina-san already said yes." "We're ready Xellos-sama!" Martina called. "Prepare to meet your doom Lina Inverse!" She thought grimly. Lina glanced at Martina and sighed. The girl was a real Looney. Xellos raised his staff and uttered a spell. No one really noticed anything had happened till a black vortex opened near Amelia and began to pull her into it.

"Liinnaaa-saaan!" Amelia cried as she disappeared. "Amelia!" Lina yelled. The hole grew larger, sucking trash and boxes from the alley inside. Martina flew past, heading toward the hole. "IIIEEEEE!!" She screamed. "Gourry! Come on!" Lina shouted, grabbing Gourry by the hair and jumping into the vortex.

Gourry's eyes bulged out of his head as his face was pressed up against Lina's chest. "GYAAAHHH!!" Gourry yelled as they spiraled into the black void. Xellos nonchalantly kicked Zelgadis into the vortex, and smiled as it shrank and disappeared. He teleported, thinking of all the fun he was sure to have with Lina-san and her friends.

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The stage lights flashed on, revealing the set of The Weakest Link. Standing on a pedestal in the middle of the stage was Xellos Metallium. He was wearing a black tuxedo and a pair of small black spectacles. He smiled as the crowd cheered loudly, happy to see their favorite mazoku.

"Welcome to The Mazoku Gameshow!" Xellos exclaimed and the crowd roared louder. Xellos brushed some invisible dust of his suit, smiling. "Let's meet today's team!" A light flashed on above a pedestal diagonal to the one Xellos was situated at.

It turned out to be a confused looking Lina Inverse, who blinked at the sudden brightness. "Xellos! What the hell is going on?" She demanded. As soon as she spoke, a barrage of spitballs hit her in the face. Xellos wagged a finger at the stunned sorceress. "Sorry Lina-san, but there will be no swearing in today's game!" He waved to the side of the stage where a group of six, eight to eleven year olds stood, paper, water and straws handy.

The kids waved back happily. Lina shot the mazoku a dirty look as she wiped the wet bits of paper off her face. Xellos snapped his fingers as another light flashed on to the left of Lina. Zelgadis yelled, clapping a hand over his eyes. "My eyes!" He cried. "Xellos!" The chimera growled once the black spots disappeared. Xellos looked upward and flashed his spotlight technicians' thumbs up.

Zelgadis leaned over and whispered: "Who's he talking to?" Lina shrugged. "No idea." "I love you Zelgadis!" A woman in the audience screamed. Zelgadis and Lina exchanged a fearful look. Whoever or whatever was in audience knew who they were. "Our next contestant, Martina! Former Princess of Zoana!" Xellos announced cheerfully. He figured he might as well present everyone since neither Lina nor Zelgadis picked up that they were supposed to introduce themselves. Martina's pedestal lit up, and there stood Martina, smiling arrogantly. "Hahaha!" She laughed. "I shall beat you once and for all Lina!" Lina bristled, her head getting very large as she yelled at Martina to shut up.

"With the power of Zomelgustav I will win this game!" Martina cried. "You made him up!" Lina shouted. "Prepare yourself Lina Inverse!" The princess hissed. Zelgadis's head caught on fire as he glared at Xellos. The damned monster put him in between Lina and Martina on purpose. "You twisted bastard!" Zelgadis growled. Almost immediately several spitballs hit the Chimera.

Inside Xellos was jumping up and down with glee. This was turning out better than he thought. "Wha- wha-What the hell is this?" Zelgadis raged, and immediately more spitballs hit his face. Xellos smiled happily. "Did Lina-san forget to mention there's no swearing in this game?" Zelgadis's face turned redder and just, as he was about to throw a rather powerful Elmekia Lance at Xellos, the next pedestal lit up. "There's no magic allowed either!" Xellos chimed.

"Gourry?" Lina, Martina and Zelgadis said at once. Instead of his usual blue armor and clothing, the blonde swordsman was dressed in nothing but a pair of red Abercrombie& Fitch boxer shorts and a Santa hat. Xellos started to laugh hysterically, and ended up holding his stomach in pain. It hurt like hell, but damn! It was worth it! "G-G-Gourry!" Lina stammered, going red in the face. "WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTHES?" "I don't know!" Gourry cried.

He blushing furiously and trying his best to hunch down behind his pedestal. Zelgadis and Martina were speechless. (Martina? Speechless? Hell froze over that quickly?) "Lina-san! Zelgadis-san!" A perky voice floated up to the stage. Amelia ran up, Gourry's clothes bundled in her arms.

Princess Amelia Wil Tessla of Seyruun clambered onto the stage; oblivious to the weird looks she was receiving. "Lina-san! Someone kidnapped Gourry!" Amelia cried. "They kidnapped him totally nude!" "Amelia." Lina said calmly.
"Considering how really weird it is to kidnap someone and leave all their clothes behind." The pint-sized princess continued. "Amelia!" Lina tried a bit louder. "Poor Gourry-san! He could be tied up, cold and without a stitch of clothing!" Amelia exclaimed. "AMELIA! HE'S RIGHT HERE!" Lina shouted.

"Huh?" Amelia looked at Gourry and blinked. Gourry turned redder than Lina's hair, and unsuccessfully tried to duck behind his podium. It wasn't like they hadn't seen Gourry half-naked before. There was that time in the all female country, where half of the women were men in disguise.

But those boxers Gourry was dressed in right now didn't do much for cover. Amelia turned white as a sheet and keeled over unconscious. "Amelia-san?" Xellos asked tentatively. "Dude! He killed the princess of Seyruun!" A guy in the audience exclaimed. Xellos's head shot up instantly. "N-n-nani?"

"You killed Amelia!" A woman yelled. "GET HIM!" Another woman shouted as a large portion of the audience headed towards the stage. Xellos's eyes opened wide and he took a few steps backward.

The mazoku's sudden panic was due to the Disney paraphernalia many of the Amelia supporters were carrying with them. Martina's eyes narrowed and she jumped in front of Xellos, holding high her Zomelgustav pendant. "Don't any of you dare lay a finger on Xellos-sama!"

Xellos rolled his eyes and called for the nurse. Immediately, two buxom blondes in very tiny, revealing nurses uniforms walked on stage. Lina's jaw dropped to the floor. Those women had bigger chests than her and Amelia.

Zelgadis's eyes were as wide as saucepans. These were Xellos's idea of medical aid? Gourry kept staring, ignoring the chaos going on around him. He couldn't take his eyes off the two "ladies" assisting in reviving poor Amelia. "Why can't Lina's be that big?" Gourry thought silently.

One kneeled and waved some smelling salts under the princess's nose. "Uh…Wha-what happed?" Amelia asked waking up. "See? Amelia-san's okay!" Xellos said, turning back to the angry audience.

"Wha-Where's Gourry-san?" Amelia exclaimed, jumping to her feet. "Right here." Lina said dully. Amelia saw the swordsman, and blinked twice to make sure she wasn't dreaming. "You can go back to your spot now, Martina-san." Said Xellos.

"Are you sure, Xellos-sama?" Martina asked in a kawaii voice. The mazoku cringed inwardly. He continued smiling though and nodded. "Just who are those two?" Lina demanded, watching the two nurses helping Amelia to her podium.

Xellos smiled happily. "Sore wa himitsu desu!" "They look like strippers." Zelgadis growled. "They're certified nurses too." Xellos argued. Gourry finally snapped out of his trance when the two nurses exited the stage, followed by several shouts and catcalls. "Is there one more player, Xellos-san?" Asked Amelia. Xellos nodded. "In fact, she should be arriving-" "NAMAGOMI!"

The scream rocked their surroundings, registering as a minor earthquake on the Richter scale. Xellos cocked his head to the side and looked to stage left, where out of the darkness a gray blur flew and smacked the Mazoku in the face.

Lina, Martina, Gourry, Zelgadis and Amelia looked to stage left. Standing there was Filia Ul Copt. Her eyes were flashing, face was red, fangs were bared and all of it was directed at the fallen mazoku. "Where. Is. He?" She hissed.

Lina and Zelgadis exchanged a confused look. "Who...are you looking for?" The Chimera asked cautiously. "Val!" Filia snapped, shooting Zelgadis a glare. He shrunk away, leaving Lina to deal with the enraged Ryuuzoku.

"That-that-Namagomi said he was holding Val ransom!" Filia growled. Lina glanced over to where Martina was kneeling at Xellos's side. The sorceress rubbed her temples. "Xellos-sama! Are you okay?" Martina asked, helping Xellos up. "Oneesan!" A voice called. "Filia-san!" The Dragon looked up sharply.

There in the audience sat Jillas, Gravos and on Jillas's lap, a very happy looking baby Val. "Val!" Filia cried with relief. "Good luck Oneesan!" Jillas called cheerfully. "Good luck Filia-san!" Gravos smiled. Baby Val gurgled happily and clapped his hands. The entire audience looked at the infant and "awed". Xellos tried not to gag.

Filia let out a relieved sigh, shot the mazoku a dirty look and went to her assigned podium. "I'm watching you, Namagomi." She muttered. "Just hearing you say that sends pleasant shivers down my spine." Xellos retorted cheerfully. The others sweat-dropped, as poor Filia turned redder than Lina's hair.

Xellos turned back to the audience smiling. "Are we ready to play?" He asked. "YES!" The audience cried. "Then get ready for round one of- The Mazoku Gameshow!" The mazoku announced, in the Slayers opinion, much too happily. "Thanks Lina." Zelgadis grumbled. "Lina, these boxers are cutting the circulation off to some vital body parts!" Gourry tried to whisper.

Martina leaned over and glared at the redhead. "Prepare to be defeated Lina Inverse!" Amelia was calming an embarrassed Filia, who had once again reached for her mace. Up in the producer's box, three executives glared at their colleague. She blushed and laughed nervously. This was not going to work.