~A/N~

After looking up random things, listening to 16-bit music, and watching a few episodes of hellsing, the idea for this began to take shape. However, it's not going to be 'finished' anytime soon. It will be mostly crack, and a hint of serious thrown in. also, I give credit to the ones doing the 'ask (character's name)' stories in the hellsing section, as they had a hand in spawning the idea, regardless of previous knowledge. Who knew that inspiration can come from reviewing other peoples work, plus their responses!

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the Dell laptop that I am using to write and upload this.

~End of A/N~

(the town of Zozo)

A young man wearing a Guy Fawkes mask is seen boarding a biplane. A bomb is attatched to the underside of the craft. The propeller was already spinning. "I will have my revenge on thee… Kefka…" the plane starts moving, it takes off, slowly gaining altitude. After turning a good angle, towards phoenix cave, it makes a sharp turn at the cave, towards Kefka's tower. The masked man takes out a remote, presses a button, and the bomb propels itself towards the tower, just grazing the outer wall and hitting Vector. This is what the man was planning, a scare tactic. 'simulating both V and those fighter pilots. Gogo would be proud… if I were a mime… huh?' a portal opens and before he can react, he flies into the damned thing!

(England, 50 kilometers east from Hellsing manor)

'welcome home, anon…' the portal had taken him to England, and soon he would be meeting his soon-to-be employer: Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing….'well here goes nothing…let's just hope Alucard isn't as much of a madman as people say he is…' oh he is in for one hell of a surprise!

(forest 20 Kilometers from Hellsing manor)

"what the hell!" there was a beeping noise, the aircraft was losing speed (and altitude), and the controls were becoming increasingly useless. "SHIT! The fuel tank is almost empty!" just then, a tree was suddenly visible in front of the biplane. 'FUCK! No time to land, gotta bail out now!' the guy thought as he jumped out of the cockpit, and kept getting impacted by branch after branch. The plane, however, met a far worse fate, as it slammed into the tree and went KA-BLOOEY in a glorious blaze. But that is irrelevant. Our "Guy" did survive, but only because it was an evergreen that possessed the braches that he was falling through. And yet, that STILL didn't stop him from getting scratched, cut, bruised and hit in a place that all men hold dear (more than once, might I add), during the trip down. 'man…that really sucked' thought the masked being. 'well, looks like I will be traveling on foot from here' as helooked at his watch, he saw it read "6:24 AM". Luckily, it was actually right, and the sun was in the he traveled west. 'three hours and six minutes until my job interview…. Best not screw this up, I do not want a repeat of what happened at Vector…'

(Hellsing Manor, front gate, 8:05 AM)

The anonymous one made good time getting to the gate, dispite having to walk twenty Kilometers, but compared to getting chased by Dadaluma this was nothing. "hey, you! Identify yourself." The guards got the wrong impression, they saw a savage when they saw the torn-up suit but that didn't stop him. "I am one who has no name, I lost my face and my mane." The masked one wheezed out. "that's the password that the new bookkeeper was to use, one of the guards whispered to the other. They opened the gate after a few more whispered arguments, and said "very well. You may proceed to the main foyer. But no further.

Doing as he was told, the Guy in the mask entered the foyer, and stood, rather than bleed on the expensive looking furniture… until he realized he still had an X-Potion with him, which he promptly drank. The cuts healed almost instantly, leaving behind only scars. Then he sat down on the sofa on the far right wall. A butler came down the stairs, having a rather heated 'discussion' of who had weirder experiences working for Hellsing with one of the guards. "ah you must be the new bookkeeper. Follow me, Sir Integra will be with you in a moment, though I must admit you got here quite early, mister…" "I do not have a name, just call me 'Finder'. Everyone I've met calls me by that name. and you are?" "Walter C. Dornez. But enough about that are you aware of what it is we do here?" the butler asked.

"of course Walter. 'the Hellsing organization is responsible for keeping the vampiric populations and attacks in check, and under wraps', and if you ask why I said it that way, ask someone who is actually useful in the area of simulacrum." Finder, the masked one said. "my, don't you get angered easily? Where did you say you were from?"

I was born in a Magitek Research Facility, but these past five years I was stuck in Zozo." "well that would explain quite a few things, and as much as I would like to continue this conversation, we are at Sir Integra's office, it is time for your interview, and if you get the job, I will see you in the library at some point, and do not slack off. "

"fine, fine." Finder said as he opened the door. "ah Finder, it's good to finally meet face-to-face, or rather face-to-mask." A vaguely feminine voice said as the door opened. Now, why don't you sit down?" the voice of Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing spoke, and sure enough, she was sitting at the desk, cigar and all. Finder, trying not to choke, simply stayed quiet and sat down. While Zozo might not be the best place to live, the air is surprisingly clean in that area. In other words, the cigar, to him, smells like a poorly disposed of corpse. Lucky for him, Integra was already putting it out…

(two hours later)

"well this went well. Congratulations, you're hired." "thank you for the job." "you start immediately." "alright…" "well look on the bright side, at least this isn't like the Sopranos where they cut you of mid sent- -

~a/n~

Well that be the first chapter, and the start of the chaos to come. Remember that flames will be shat upon, but constructive criticism is acceptable.

~end of a/n~