Missing You

My life has become so dull. Without her here; without her near. I wake up in the morning, and there's no-one beside me. I used to roll over and she'd be there; soundly sleeping; with the sun dancing on her black and golden fur. But now when I roll over, she's not there. There's only empty space. I remember what it was like though:

I'd roll over and she'd be sleeping still. I'd nuzzle my face deep into her neck, with my nose behind her ear. I'd slip my arm around her belly and she'd stir slightly. Her eyes would flutter open. She'd turn to face me and I'd say, "Good morning darling." And she'd smile and say, "Good morning dear." Then we'd exchange chaste kisses that would turn into passionate ones. She'd then go about her daily routines. Grooming herself for the day to come, hunting mice, cleaning the den . . . and I'd go about my day patrolling the junkyard. It was always so nice to start the day off so brightly; knowing that there's somebody to love you in a way that nobody else could.

I wish I could see her again. I wish I could hold her again; I'd surround her in my warm embrace. I wish I could hear her voice once more. I wish I could kiss her; to tell her I love her. But because of him, I know my wishes will never come true.

It isn't fair what he's done to me. He took her from me. She left him and he should have let her go. But he didn't, he wanted her to stay with him so he could abuse her, and disparage her. He beat on her until she begged for mercy. Even when she did, he'd just beat on her some more until she'd fall unconscious or he'd get bored of her continuous whimpers and pleas.

I'll always remember the night we met;

It was springtime. The air was light and the sky was full of gleaming stars. I was on my way to relieve Alonzo from his duties to patrol. It was my shift. It was so calm that night. The nighttime was peaceful; listening to the sounds of nearby crickets, chirping their music, the hint of blossoms flowing in the slight breeze. On nights like these, I didn't mind having to patrol.

In the distance, I could hear the snarling of a group of Pollicles. Underneath their growling, I could have sworn to have heard the tiniest of whimpers. I immediately charged in the direction of the helpless cries. I expected to find a tiny kitten. But when I reached the damp alleyway, I was surprised to find, cowering in the corner, a young black and gold queen ( certainly not a kitten ).

"HEY!" I snapped. All four dogs turned to face me. I took a defensive stance; prepared to fight. Their claws tapped the ground in anticipation, their fangs dripping with saliva. "Well well well, look what we have here." the biggest dog teased in a deep voice; clearly the leader. "Now we've got dinner and desert!" sang the one who seemed to be the second in command.

I gazed to the frightened queen. Her body was tattered and she had multiple bruises and old wounds. Dried tears stained her innocent face.

What kind of life is she living? I wondered.

The Pollicles grumbled more loudly now. At any moment, they would strike. "I don't wish to fight, but I'll do what I have to. Let her go free, and I'll be on my way." I demanded.

"Oh come now, we're so very hungry. And you see . . . well . . . you just look so very tasty. Especially that tender one in the corner." rumbled the leader. "I love tender meet! It's so easy to shred between my teeth!" chirped the second; mouth salivating, eyes wide, stomach empty. The queen shuddered at the Pollicles statement.

"We can either do this easy . . ." I eyed them carefully. "Or we can fight."

"You are clearly in no position to negotiate the terms of your death little tabby. We'll make it quick for you. You won't suffer very long."

I made a face and soon the battle had begun.

I glanced at the queen in the corner; an expression of bewilderment plastered on her face. I slashed, I kicked, I bit, and I punched, and soon, all four of those irritating Pollicles rushed from the alleyway.

I turned to face the queen. I was slightly out of breath, but I softly smiled at her; trying to bring comfort to her. "Are you alright?" I questioned.

She continued to stare at me with the same look of astonishment. I crouched down next to her. "Can you hear me?" I placed my paw on her shoulder. She cringed at my touch and backed further into the corner; out of sight in the shadows. "It's alright, I'm not going to harm you. You're safe with me." There was a pause of silence. I continued my attempt to ease her nerves. "You should come with me, back to my tribe. There are healers there who can tend to your wounds. There's plenty mice, cozy dens, and it's not too far from here. It's just up the pavement." I slipped a bolstering tone into my voice.

Her golden face peered through the darkness. "That's right, come along." I cooed as I stretched out my arm to her. She gradually made her way toward me. "My name is Munkustrap. I'm the second in command to the Jellicle Tribe."

In a shy and timid voice, almost barely audible, "M-my n-name is D-Demeter." We began to walk together.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Demeter. I hope you don't mind me asking, but how did you find yourself in such trouble?"

"Not sure really, those Pollicles have always had it out for me." She said less shyly.

"Do you have a home, a place to stay?" she nodded a 'no'.

"Then you should consider joining our tribe. I'm sure they'd all be happy to have you." I suggested.

"Perhaps." She said simply.

We reached the junkyard. Her wounds were tended to and she was later initiated into our clan. It wasn't until later she confided in me enough to tell me about her past. We forgave her, but she didn't forgive herself as easily. She'd fallen in love with him. She thought he loved her too. But the relationship became abusive, and she knew she had to get out of it. So she did.

Bast, do I miss her! I can't count how many times I've cried over her. It's been a lasting 2 months. The days just carry on. I haven't been myself since that dreadful day. I don't think I'll ever be the same. She made me complete. When she died, a piece of my heart withered away.

I hear footsteps coming. Someone's approaching my den.

"Munkustrap?" It was Alonzo. I didn't answer. He cautiously stepped inside. "Munkustrap? I was wondering whether or not you were taking your shift tonight."

"I'll be out there in a few minutes." I replied glumly.

"Sure. And Munkustrap?"

"Yes?" I answered morosely.

"Take it easy." He left the den.

Take it easy.

Take it easy.

Take it easy.

That string of words echoed in my mind. It triggered a forgotten memory.

There was a time I fought against him. He tried to steal her, but I wouldn't allow it. It was my first time ever and I severely underestimated his strength and agility. It was the only time I'd lost against him. I was in poor shape and fell into unconsciousness.

She was there, holding my head in her paws, nuzzling my face, caressing my head fur. I found it surprisingly tranquilizing. She was shushing my sobs of pain.

"You're alright Munkus, you're gonna be fine." She cooed. "Just take it easy."

I'm forever grateful to her. I'm grateful for all the love she showed me, for all the tears we shared, the times she'd pick me up if ever I fell. I'm grateful for all the glorious days we spent together. I'm grateful for her company on lonely days. I'm grateful for the laughter.

Bombalurina came to stay at our den after she and the Rum Tum Tugger had an argument. Rumpleteazer stopped by and so did Pouncival and Etcetera. Victoria peeped her head in, and so did Jemima. Tumblebrutus and Plato had wondered about all the ruckus emanating from our den.

The fun of that night had gotten to us and we began flinging our bed cushions at one another- more typically known to humans as a 'pillow fight'. You couldn't turn your head without getting a cushion in your face. Bombalurina and Rumpleteazer were the two reigning champions of the night.

Oh such tremendous, magnificent laughter! Even those who didn't participate - the bystanders – found themselves giggling at such preposterous behavior! I heard someone creeping up behind me. I spun around and WHAM! I glared at the culprit. She stood there, hunched over herself, cackling with merriment. She laughed so hard, her golden face turned red under her fur.

All her laughter abruptly ended when she noticed me snatching the same cushion from the ground.

"Oh you wouldn't dare!" she gasped.

"Oh wouldn't I?" I retorted.

I lurched my arm past myself and catapulted that cushion straight at her. "AHH!" she screamed and ducked.

"You missed me!" she sang.

"Not for long!" I sang back.

I quickly found another pillow and another. One after the other in astounding speed, they flew towards her. "Take it easy Munkustrap!" she scolded cheerfully.

I just wish that I could have moments like that again - with her.

But it shall never be. Not since that dreadful day.

The sky was gray and cloudy. It had been raining consistently for an unremitting four hours. She was the first to stir that morning. I felt the weight on the bed shift as she rolled off of it; sluggish and tired.

"Where are you going Deme?" I asked her.

"To fetch some mice dear, I'll be back." She replied. And with that, she left the den, out into the rain. Well, at that point, I knew full well I wouldn't be getting any more sleep. I heated some cream. I knew when she had returned with the mice that she'd want some; especially after being out in the cold rain.

It should have been me going out into that cold rain though. It should've been me, and not her. She should have been in the den, heating some cream. Maybe then things wouldn't be the way they were now.

"AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"

A bone-chilling scream rang through-out the junkyard. As a matter of fact, it woke most from their slumber. I immediately recognized which cat that that sound belonged to; it belonged to her.

Just remembering what it sounded like; that caterwaul; sends disturbing, unsettling chills up and down my spine.

Other cats, including myself, stood in the middle of the junkyard, trembling from the sound of that caterwaul. My heart felt heavy. I didn't know where she was or what had happened to her. Nobody did.

He appeared before us, grinning vilely, his fiery fur absorbing the rain drops that fell upon him. In his arms, lay a mass of black and gold fur; unmoving. Red liquid dripped from the heap. He held her in his arms; he killed her. And that shrill, that scream, was the last sound that she ever made.

He tossed her before us and smiled at me proudly, Her body met the ground with a solid thud. "You see friend, she would never come back to me. All she ever wanted was you. And I couldn't live with that. If I can't have her, nobody can. If I have to live a miserable life without her, so do you." He vanished in the rain.

I rushed to her side, but the damage was done. She was gone. The rain washed her coat free from the blood. It seemed to wash away all the trouble she'd ever had. It seemed to free her. I held her to my chest, begging for life. I sat in that rain and I sat, and I sat, and I sat. I sat there forever, waiting for her still eyes to open, waiting for her stiff body to wriggle in the slightest way, waiting for my nightmare to end.

And I sit here, and I sit here, and I sit here. And I cry, and I cry, and I cry. And I wish that the Everlasting Cat not be so cruel as to rip me of my love. It's like saying you can't have air to breathe with, a voice to sing with, or a heart to love with.

But I'll avenge her death, and get my own revenge. I'll see to it that that monstrous beast is dead before anyone else has the chance. I am waiting for the moment when I can dig my claws deep into his flesh and hear his last torturing squeals of pain and agony. I want to remember the taste of vengeance. I want to feel his body go limp. I want to hear his heart stop beating. For mine stopped beating about 2 months ago.

I want to hear him beg for mercy. I want to see him at the end of his rope, pleading like she had so many times before; when she'd be begging him for mercy against his ruthless rage. I want to taste his blood in my mouth, on my tongue, in my soul. Only then can I rest and be satisfied, knowing that he'll not live another day to do any harm, to any other feline.

But under my wrath, there is such sorrow. But then there is hope . . . and faith . . . for one day I'll be by her side again. And I'll be able to hold her, see her, kiss her, and tell her I love her.

One day my wishes will come true.

And one day, I'll no longer be missing you.