The Search For Belonging

Hi, my name's Tasha. I am 15 years of age. Throughout my life, I have always felt different, like I never fit in anywhere, even with my friends. Maybe it's because I'm adopted, maybe it's because I'm bad at everything, or maybe It's simply because I don't belong in this world. It's hard to know the real reason, but I have always blamed my mum for it. She left my dad before I was born, and I've always wanted to meet him. But my mum has never let me. I've developed this weird theory that if I met my dad, I would feel like I belonged here. I hate her for it and I wish I never even existed. But I do, so I like to think that I get on with my life as best I can, and pretend everything's okay... But in reality, well, lets just say It's not quite how I put it out it to be...


Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Bee-
"Shut up you stupid alarm!" I muttered as I pressed the off button. I sat up groggily and wiped my eyes clean of sleep. Glancing over at my alarm clock next to my messy bed, I saw that it was 7:15am.
"Tasha! Come on, get up!" I heard my mum shouting me.
"Okay, okay, I'm up!" I replied. Clumsily, I threw the duvet/quilt on my bedroom floor and sat up slowly. There was no way in a million years that I would be up at this time in the morning on a normal school day, but it was this school trip thingy today, meant to give us a better understanding of castles - yes, we were going to a castle. Everyone else was really excited, but I wasn't. I was different, as usual. We were away from home for 5 days (a school week) and we going to, god knows, where. I heard heavy footsteps on the stairs and my mum entered.
"Come on! Get dressed or we will be late!"
"Ok, ok, I will! If you go away and don't come back up!"
My mum muttered something like 'teenagers' to this comment, strode across my room and shut the door. Time to get dressed and pack. Yay, such fun...

"Simon!" I said happily and I gave him a hug. He was the only person in the whole world I knew I could trust. In other words, he was my best friend. We were outside school waiting for the bus to arrive, along with our other classmates.
"Hey," he replied, hugging me back. I released him and turned to face my mum.
"Cya mum," I said.
"Bye love," she replied. "Be careful." We gave each other a quick and awkward hug.
"It's here!" someone shouted. I turned my head and saw the bus coming around the corner.
"Come on, we want good seats," Simon urged me to the front of the messy que already forming. We got onto the bus and we were off.

We arrived at the lodges we were staying in at 11:30am. The plan was unpack and go and get some lunch. The good thing about this trip was that we were allowed to go shopping around town in our free time. Simon and I, after a lot of debate, decided to go to a small cafe located in the middle of the nearest town.
"This is one good chocolate cake," announced Simon, while stuffing his face.
"I'm sure is it!" I laughed as he got chocolate smeared all over his face.
I looked out of the window at the view. The town we were in was on a hill, so you could for miles across the sea and beautiful scenery. As I looked, a boy about my age with longish blond hair walked past the window. As he did so, his head turned, almost mechanically, and he looked straight at me. I stared back at him. He had delicate features, his skin smooth. He walked fast but graceful.
"Hello? Earth to Tasha?" I heard Simon say as his hand waved across my vision. "What ya looking at?"
"Nothing," I replied.
Simon looked at me mysteriously and looked out of the window. His eyes seemed to lock with the boy's and something flashed across Simon's face, too quick to interpret. Recognition? Anger? Surprise? No. He couldn't know him. Could he?
"Let's go," Simon stood up from the table, grabbing his coat and pulling me away.
"Bu-"
"I... er... need the bathroom," he replied, not looking at me.
I knew he was lying, but didn't bother to argue.

10:30pm. That's what my alarm read as I lay wide awake in my small and uncomfortable bed. After we had come back here, we had done literally nothing. Played tennis, read a book and ate cookies. Through all of this my mind had been racing. What had Simon's behaviour been about? Did he know that boy? Or was I being paranoid? Suddenly, I heard the top bunk of the bunk-bed creak, and Simon silently came down. What was he doing? Once down, he walked over to the door, opened it and left the room. I was going to follow him, but fell asleep before my mind could dwell upon where he had gone.