I've been working with the same Yu-Gi-OH characters for so long, it's really starting to wear at my mind. So I needed to try something else in attempt to alleviate some of that... I don't know, strain? I still love the characters I write about but I needed to take a little break from that and I didn't feel like coming up with good smut tonight. So I wrote this tiny one-shot. It came to me literally like half an hour ago, and I hopped on the computer to write it. I found the means to watch season 4 of Yu-Gi-Oh! which I've never seen before, and it's been interesting so far. Thus I've discovered this little would-be love triangle. It's also been good at helping me get a better idea of Rex and Weevil's canon characters (vs abridged) which I'll need for "Most Fabulous Game."
Anyway, here's this. And I'm off to edit the latest "Heartbroken" chapter before posting it.
"As Long As He Loves You"
…
I'd just drifted off to sleep when the sound of your key in the lock brought me back to the quiet of our bedroom. Not needing to turn my head, I glanced at the clock: 4:54 am. You're home even later than usual. You must've been feeling generous tonight. You're not usually the type to stick around for cuddling. I listen as you put your keys in their place, then your coat. The apartment isn't very big, and I can easily hear everything through the half-opened door. I hear you sigh to yourself and get something to drink from the fridge. No doubt your throat's still raw from whatever choice champagne you'd chosen for the evening. I'm grateful you at least have the sense to wait until you're sober to come home.
But that relief is as short lived as it can get, because as you come into the room to remove your jewelry at your dresser, my heart instantly aches in a way that forms a frown on my tired face. Knowing where you've been, and what you wore for him. I question myself for the millionth time why I tolerate it. Even as I see the dim light from the other room barely touching your long, beautiful hair – which is slightly messier than you would usually allow it to be – and feel my heart desiring you all over again, I wonder what makes this agony worth it. Is it worth it, really?
You're courteous enough not to move about loudly, but you've long since stopped trying to hide where you've been. Just as I've long since stopped trying to get you to stop. The yelling only ever made me feel worse in the end. At least this way, you'll still lay beside me when you come back. I close my eyes, not wanting you to see my anger in your mirror. You'll certainly be looking. And what do you think when you look at me now, Mai? Do you ask yourself the same questions I do? Why you're still here when you could just stay there? We both know you couldn't 'just stay' anywhere. But still… I wonder if you wonder. I keep listening as you change out of your clothes and into one of your silk nightgowns. I can feel heat rising in my face, knowing that he's seen you like that. And seen even more. That he's let his arrogant blue eyes move hungrily over your perfect figure. That his hands have explored every bit of you, and have held you close as only I should ever do. I clench my teeth while I try not to imagine the contentment on his face once you give yourself to him. That undoubtable sense of conquering achievement. And I force myself not to wonder whether or not he gets rough with you. Or if you like it. He must be doing something right if you keep going back to him. Is it better than what I do for you? No. I don't want to know. I never want to know. It will never make a difference… All that matters is that he's good to you.
And he is. I know he is. Because he's an awful lot like me. And that makes me hate him even more. That a no-good, selfish, armor-loving punk like him could be anything like me gives me a fury unlike anything else. The only thing that keeps me from screaming about it anymore is the final thought that crosses my mind. The silver lining: it's because he's so much like me that I know he really loves you. That he'd do anything for you. I saw with my own eyes when he sacrificed himself for you, just like I've done. And he dueled with unyielding determination just for you, like I did. I saw it in his eyes; the same feeling I get every time I look at you.
That's why, I remind myself for the millionth time as you slide under the covers behind me. That's why I stick around even though it hurts me worse than anything else I've ever experienced. Why I can still find it inside me to love you unconditionally when you run from his arms back into mine, knowing full well you'll only be staying for a short while. You'll run right back to him. You're always running. And I'm really starting to believe you'll never stop.
I sigh quietly to myself. I guess if you must keep running, I can at least find assurance that I know where you're going. That I know you'll be protected when I'm not there. That you'll never need to be alone again. And I'll cling to that tiny comfort, and keep my mouth shut as I try not to lose my mind to the agony in my chest. I'll do it for you, Mai – Just as long as he loves you.
I feel you move closer to me, carefully moving your hand to my side. I raise my arm enough for you to slip your own arm beneath it and lay it over me. As much as I hate what you do to me, I'm grateful we don't yell anymore. And that you'll still give me this much when you come back. I move my hand to interlace our fingers together, and I imagine that, if Valon and I really are so much alike, then he definitely feels as heartbroken as I do when you're here with me.
…
I didn't bother writing in Joey's accent this time since it's all internal monologue anyway.
