Author's Note: I do not own the characters or the song titles used for each chapter. Again the story is written as 5 vignettes, and this time has more interaction between the bickering duo and other people.
LOIS VS. CLARK: PRANK WARS, VOL.2.
Chapter 1: Hand In My Pocket.
Tapping her pencil against the edge of the desk, she sighed for the umpteenth time. As if it wasn't enough that some psychotic jeweller had drugged, kidnapped and then forced a confession of love out of her to the very person she had no inclination of ever admitting to having any kind of romantic feelings for, the happy couple sharing her apartment had made sleep very difficult for her. There are only so many cups of coffee that can mask sleep deprivation.
She'd been surprised by Clark's progress at the Daily Planet as a junior reporter. Sure she'd labelled him as a mere copy boy but that was just her way of saying she was still the top dog and the one who set the rules. She didn't want him to get ahead of himself although she knew him well enough to know that he was actually selfless to a fault.
Lois had seen the way Clark had thrown himself into his job with full commitment as if to bury his heartache over the loss of the love of his life - one Lana Lang. Lois believed that Lana had done a real number on him over the years, leaving him with a blinkered approach to his love life and difficulty in moving on. She believed it was up to her to rectify it, and the first step was to remove the bumbling shyness that represented the first impression many women would have of him. Well, that and the body of a Greek god. The only problem was that it was difficult not to be amused by the bumbling shyness.
She looked over to the door of the bullpen and saw him striding down the stairs at that very moment. Crisp white shirt and a tie whose colour was described as 'aquamarine', all beneath a black raincoat which stopped about halfway down his thighs. How is he still single? She watched as one of the interns from a different floor (there were so many interns and she didn't know most of their names, but she could tell if they worked down in the bullpen or not) passed by Clark and waved 'Hi' to him flirtatiously. Clark in his naïve farmboy way immediately put his hands in his coat pockets and nodded nervously - anything remotely sexual seeming to get him a little flustered. Lois had seen this reaction a few times and noted that it must be his default. I could have a little fun with that!
"Smallville, down boy!" she called out, breaking his daze and embarrassing him in front of the intern. He walked over to his desk without looking Lois in the eye, but he knew she was smirking at him.
The following morning saw Lois at her desk early again, and Clark yet again miraculously showed up just a couple of minutes early. He'd just put his coat behind his chair when an assistant called from the door to say he was wanted in Tess Mercer's office.
That's the third time she's spoken to him and I've not even had a hello yet. We've not even spoken since I found out she was my new boss.
He glanced over at Lois who was watching him, before heading back out of the bullpen with the assistant. Lois sighed. She saw his coat hanging behind his chair and decided this was the window of opportunity. Quickly reaching into her handbag, she discreetly pulled out the bra she'd brought in for this purpose - a red lacy number she hardly wore nowadays - and scooted over to place it in the right front pocket of Clark's coat. With that, she made her way over to the coffee station for a cup of much-needed Java.
Thirty minutes later, Clark was still away from his desk. Lois headed over for more coffee and had just finished pouring when she heard a voice behind her.
"Hey Lois, could I ask you something?"
Lois turned around to see one of the bullpen's interns standing behind her. She was dressed in a green blouse with dark pants, emphasis on the cleavage. Her blonde hair hung freely past her shoulders and she had a gold heart-shaped pendant around her neck.
"Hi, er…" Lois offered her hands in a gesture that suggested she didn't know the intern's name.
"Jess," said Jess the intern.
"Right, Jess, what can I do for ya?"
"Well, you and Clark work together right? I was just wondering if he was seeing anybody."
Lois perked up, suddenly interested. "Oooohhh, thinking of asking him out huh?"
Jess blushed a little, looking down nervously. "Um, yeah…kinda, sorta..um…"
"Well Jess, as far as I know, he isn't seeing anybody."
"He seems like a really nice guy," said Jess, visibly lifted by the knowledge that Clark wasn't yet taken.
"Clark is a really nice guy. I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to get his number Jess," offered Lois. This was going to be a cinch now.
"Yeah," sighed Jess a little dreamily. Suddenly aware of Lois again, she blinked and quickly added, "Well, I'd best get going. Hey, thanks again Lois."
"No problem," said Lois with a friendly smile.
With that, Jess started to walk away from the coffee station, only for Lois to stop her by adding, "You know, when you say 'Hi', offer to shake his hand. He's a country boy, good manners and all that you know."
Jess smiled and nodded before walking away again, and Lois rolled her eyes.
Clark had been gone for almost three hours. When he returned, Lois was busy proofing her latest article. He walked to his desk and grabbed his coat ready to leave again.
"Going somewhere?"
"Yeah, Ms. Mercer asked me and a couple of other new guys on the third and fourth floors out to lunch. I think it's a sort of 'welcome to the Planet' thing for us newbies."
He'd just put his coat on when Lois saw Jess heading their way. She got up and pretended to head back towards the coffee station, all the while keeping an eye on proceedings.
"Um, excuse me, Clark?"
Clark turned round to see a smiling young blonde with ample cleavage. His hands went into his coat pockets immediately. "Yeah?"
"I was wondering if we could maybe talk. I'm Jess," she said, holding her hand out.
Clark looked at her hand, smiled slightly and offered his own hand for a shake. Plus the red lacy bra that was tangled between his fingers. Jess' eyes went wide as she saw what he was holding, and he took a moment longer before realising something wasn't quite right. He looked at his hand, looked at the bra and his mouth opened slightly. He then looked at Jess, glanced at the bra again before staring back at Jess with the same stunned expression she had, immediately ascertaining what she was no doubt assuming right about now.
"I…er…I'm…I don't…" he stammered, struggling to put together a coherent sentence as his face became redder and Jess slowly made her exit.
Lois breezed over nonchalantly. "Wow Smallville, didn't have you down for a playa!"
He looked at her stunned, confused and embarrassed all at once. Seeing her smirking with a playful glint in her eyes as she headed back to her desk, his face turned serious as he put two and two together.
"Lois!" he growled quietly, throwing the now-untangled bra to the floor.
