Disclaimer: I do not own the CW's version of The Vampire Diaires. That honor goes to Julie Plec and Kevin Williamson. If I did I would live in Ireland, in a little cottage and give all excess wealth to the poor.

Hello readers. This was just a thought birdie that wanted to take flight in my mind last week. So, here we are today. I hope you like it. And beware this bird had a very filthy mouth. Enjoy!

Chapter 1: Introducing Polly

Kol Mikaelson was window shopping. There were so many things that Kol wanted to pick up. At the moment he was eyeing a red head and a blonde looking through scarfs. Then he noticed unfamiliar sounds coming from one of the shops. 'Hmm… a pet shop. Maybe I can find a nice rabbit to give Stefan Salvatore for his birthday.' His lips curved up when he noticed a jack rabbit sitting in a cage, nose twitching. Then there was a black kitten who yawned and curled up. 'The witch might like you.' Kol knelt down and appraised the cat. It had a white patch over one eye. Then he heard, "Hey, you Bastard. How about me?"

Kol turned, ready to rip the head off of which ever idiot had dared to insult him. He found himself face to face with a parrot. The parrot spread its wings and flapped. "Want a cracker, Jackass?"

Kol laughed out loud. "My, you have a mouth on you."

"I'd hate to know where your mouth has been," the parrot retorted.

One of the employees of the store came up to Kol. "I'm sorry, sir. Is the parrot bothering you? Someone must have taken the blanket down." The employee threw a blanket over the cage.

For a moment there was silence, then, "Buy me you cheap wanker." The employee looked at the blanket with horror.

Kol laughed again. "That is brilliant," he stated with glee. "I will take him. The kitten over here and this jack rabbit."

The employee did not argue with the eccentric the young man. As long as he was getting that bird out of this store he was thankful. Soon Kol was leaving the pet store with his bird. "You will be the family pet," he informed the bird.

"Get bent," the bird replied.

This caused Kol to begin to laugh again. He was already thinking of what he would teach the bird to do. He decided to stop by the witch's place before he went home. Kol rang the doorbell and waited for Bonnie to answer the door. When her father answered Kol simply gave him the carrier and told him it was a present for his daughter.

After that Kol headed home. His first task was to teach the bird to be his new drinking companion. He opened Klaus' liquor cabinet with a key he had "borrowed."

"Would Polly like Gin or Vodka?" Kol asked his new pet.

"Polly wants you to screw yourself up a tree. Oh, hot Mama." Rebekah walked into the room and stared at Kol's newest offending project. "Come to Polly, pretty lady." Rebekah scoffed, "Kol, what have you done this time?

"I bought us a new family pet, sister. Don't you like him?" Kol brought his bird a glass of vodka. He sat it in the bird cage. Polly jumped down from his perch. Then he grabbed the glass with his beek and drank the contents. Some of it spilled onto the floor of the cage. The bird then began to lick up the remaining alcohol.

Rebekah stared at the bird her face twisting in confusion. She had seen many things but a bird with a taste for vodka was not one she was familiar with. "Well, Polly if you want to live through the night you might want to watch your tongue."

"I would like to watch your tongue." Polly responded imitating Rebekah's voice. Rebekah's jaw dropped.

"What is wrong with this bird? Where did you buy him, at a pet shop for depraved wild life?"

Rebekah had directed her question at Kol but the bird answered. "I'm only as depraved as you want me to be." This time the bird was imitating Kol's voice.

Klaus came into the kitchen with Caroline in tow. They were arguing about why exactly Klaus could not stop trying to control everyone in Mystic Falls. Rebekah rolled her eyes and left the room. "Why can't you try, I don't know, talking to people. I mean we're friends. Just use that Mikaelson charm. You don't have to compel people just because you think the food is overpriced.

Klaus was about to respond when someone else said. "Hello, there sexy lady." Caroline and Klaus turned to glare at Kol.

"I didn't say it," Kol said putting his hands up.

Caroline rolled her eyes. "Yes, you did. Or did someone else just start using your voice."

"I thought the other one was hot but you are smoking."

Klaus turned around to face the voice coming from behind him. "What are you looking at, imbecile? I thought that cave men were extinct. If you're any example I was wrong." Polly stared down his beeck at the Original hybrid. "Why don't you upgrade to a better model, sweetheart?" The bird was staring at Caroline.

Caroline just stared at the bird. Before she could form a response Klaus opened the cage to extract the bird and wring its neck. It flew out of its cage and landed on Kol's shoulder. "Hey, dude," Polly said to Kol. Kol held his glass of vodka out to Polly.

Klaus began to stalk toward the bird when Caroline stepped into his path. "See, this is what I mean. Just because someone or something offends you, it does not mean you have to kill, sire it or compel to behave in a manner that suits you."

Klaus growled. He wanted to use the bird as a feather duster. Polly stuck his tongue out at Klaus. He started to walk around Caroline but she sidestepped. 'Obviously the bird is badly behaved but maybe you can retrain it."

"I don't need no stinking re-training," Polly squawked.

"Caroline, love, if I have to stay under the same roof as that bird it will last the hour." Klaus was seething.

"Well, love why don't you make other living arrangements?" Polly spread his feathers and flew off into another room.

"Fly my pretty," Kol mumbled pulling out another glass to pouring out more vodka. Klaus grabbed his brother by the shirt collar. "I am going to stay with the Salvatores tonight. When I come back that bird had better be gone." With that said Klaus and Caroline walked out of the house through a side entrance.

Kol shrugged. Polly flew back and landed on his shoulder. "I thought he would never leave. What are we going to do know?"

Kol thought about what to do next and then he heard the front door open. "Lijah's home." Kol grinned as he waited for Elijah to find him. No one would love Polly more than Lijah. Of this fact Kol was certain.

Okay. So, that was the first chapter of Birds of a Feather. Let me know what you think of this story as well as what you think will happen next. The plan is to update every Thursday. If you haven't already, check out my first Vampire Diaries fic, Welcome to 'Amp Burger. The title is weird but I promise it's a good story and despite the Kol/Elena/Caroline/Elijah listing these are not pairings. Those are the characters who I focused on and their relationships are with other characters. (For the most part.) I am also the author of The World According to Caroline Forbes Mikaelson a Klaroline centric tale with guest appearances from many of the canon characters including Kol and Bonnie. Take Me Out to the Ball Game is a humanverse Kennett story with plenty of Klaroline, Delena and other couples featured. Love, laugh, enjoy fiction.

LL