Mold Eater
By: twinkle twinkle little scar
A/N: This is my first story ever (on this profile). I have another one, but I don't wanna tell who. Keep it a mystery. :) Now, while I may be young, I still can write well. This particular story is a Crackfic. Move along!
Harry was in what he called a Luna mood. That was when he felt like acting like... an Odd Child. He was currently walking down the streets, making faces at Death Eaters, then blasting apart said Death Eaters. He didn't notice when some random passerby started to fall into a deep sleep after eating a Blood Lollipop very messily.
Suddenly he bumped into Moldyvoldywart. Literally. Harry sighed at the cliche. While Harry was shaking his head at the coincidence of Tommy-boy himself at a shop specifically selling fluffy bunnies, Voldy was pulling out his wand.
"Avad Kasuey!" the psycho screamed. Harry didn't even care. He was the boy-who-lived, after all. Of course, the Killing Curse rebounded off him, killing poor old Madam Malkin.
"Hey! You know it's very rude to try to kill people, right?" Harry, or The-Boy-Who-Has-More-Hyphens-Than-He-Can-Count-And-He's-Counted-To-A-Billion-And-One-Before, reprimanded."Anyway, I'm about to do a very rude thing- kill you. Ya see, I've joined the Mold Eaters."
Sir Port-A-Potty proudly rolled up his left sleeve to show a classic yellow smiley face with a mushroon stuck up its (overly large) nose. "We chop up ickle Death Eaters and eat them with bleu cheese dressing and mushrooms. You would taste quite nicely with Toadstool. Unfortunately-"
"You arrogant little boy and your meddling owl! I-" Moldy obviously forgot that it was also rude to interrupt. So Harry, true to form, copied him.
"Meanie, it's not nice to interrupt." Harry waved his finger while invisible house-elves tied Voldemort up. Anyone else would have thought it was wandless magic. "As I was saying, unfortunately, I am, as of yet, the only member. So I decided to take a walk and advertise!" Harry grinned and pointed to the demolished street behind him with his right hand while tapping his new scar on his cheek- a slice of cheese. "Did you know cheese and mushrooms are mold? No? Well, you will. Once you are sauteed with them."
Voldy came out of his stupor enough to spit out the mushroom gag. "Jeez, kid, how many times do I have to kill you?" He was as mad as a- well, as mad as a Dumbledore who had nobody to manipulate.
"About twenty. See, twenty is the real magic number. So, I made twenty Horcruxes! My dear mummy was one of them. Finally, though, I get to eat the delicacy of a Mouldewart. How delicious!" So, to sum it up, Harry slowly chopped He-Who-Also-Has-More-Hyphens-Than-He-Can-Count-But-Only-Has-A-First-Grade-Education up into centimeter square bits.
Harry Potter's next action was to leave Voldemort's head (which he didn't feel like eating and therefore didn't chop up) hanging in WWW, right on the infamous (or was it famous?) "You-No-Poo" sign. A lightning bolt was carved in his forehead, a mushroom on the cheek.
They did promise me some advertisement space, the Chosen-Ones (Harry had Multiple Personality Disorder) thought as he (they) savored the last of his (their) enemies in a shop he (they) made himself: the Moldy Cave. Its motto? "The tenderest meat around, served with our specialty dressing and your choice of mushroom!"
A/N: You like? You no like? You like on Facebook? You follow on Twitter? Either way, please review, as this is my first story (on this profile). Thank you very much for reading. If you have a private request, feel free to PM me! I got time on my hands! No, really! I have a handheld watch written in pen on my left palm. :) I like smileys! :) :)
