No one knew the relationship we had. Our Mum told people that she understand the connection we shared, but she didn't, no one did. It wasn't like the relationship I share with Ron or Percy. We were closer then any one else I know.
Our relationship changed quite a bit when I lost my ear. When I woke up afterwards, I could sense, without even opening my eyes, that he was worried, more worried then anything he had ever been worried about in his life. I tried to fix this be making jokes out of the missing ear, but it didn't work that well. He hated to see the whole in my head that made us all that different.
We had always been the same, we had cried together when we were babies, we always thought the same things, and we even got the same marks in test and on homework. We had always liked the same things and acted the same and came up with the same ideas. We liked the fact that no one could tell us apart, not even our own Mother. So when she finally could he became to distance himself from me.
I never saw him that much afterwards. He was always away from the shop, "doing bushiness" as he put it. I never said any thing. Thinking back, I should of. I didn't know what to say; I don't think I blamed him. More myself for being the different twin. We saw each other at our flat, we did talk, but it wasn't the same. We didn't manage to make anymore-new products for our joke shop after I lost my ear.
I remember the battle that ended the war like it was yesterday, mostly because I dream about it so often.
Fred and Percy went off together to fight and me and Bill went off. Just like the night we take Harry home, I felt worried, like something bad was going to happen. But before I could turn around and go with Fred he had disappeared.
About an hour afterwards, I was stick in a duel with some ugly Deatheater, when I just passed out. I can't remember much after that put from a voice shouting Fred's name.
"Fred, no, NO, FRED!!"
I woke up a bit sore on a hard floor. I didn't open my eyes. As I was trying to remember why I was on the floor I heard my Mother shouting.
"NO, how can this happen?" she was sobbing heavily. I could sense my Father there as well.
"He can't be…. Fred can't be…" she didn't finish her sentence, just bust in heavier tears. At Fred's name I opened my eyes. I released that I was in the Great Hall but I didn't care about where I was. I looked to my Mother and saw something that has been hunting my dreams since.
Fred was lying on the floor, still. He was not breathing. My Mother was kneeling over him, sobbing and clinging to his chest. My Father was sobbing silently, standing, looking at the dead face of Fred.
"Fred" I whispered before standing up and running over to him, knocking people over as I went.
"Fred" I shouted a bit louder, causing both my parents to look up. My Father grabbed my arms before I could get to Fred.
"George-his gone," he said. But he didn't understand. I could see it on Fred's face that he was alive. This was all a joke.
"He's alive, he is going to wake up" I told them, struggling in my Father's grip. My Mother cried harder and shook her head.
"Darling-his…his…de…dead" she cried.
"NO, no, he isn't…he can't be" I yelled. Why couldn't Fred stop the joke now, why couldn't he see how upset I was? How upset our parents were?
But as I stood there, looking at his pale face, the truth slowly sunk in.
When I stop struggling, my Father let go of me and I fell to the floor. I just looked at him and said nothing. I forgot how long I sat there; it could have been hours or days, even weeks. I didn't move when the whole family was there, crying. Nor when You-know-who arrived outside and the final battle took place. I barely head it. I didn't cry once, something I feel really guilty for now. I don't understand why I couldn't cry.
Mum and Dad come in and told me that the dead were going to be moved. I nodded but I didn't look at them or say anything. I lifted Fred myself and took him to the only place I could think of at the time.
Our old room.
It had changed a lot. The place was a mess because the people that the room belonged to now rushed out of it in panic. There were pictures of their families and posters.
I laid Fred down on one of the beds and then I cried. I fell on to his chest and cried.
How could he be dead? Why did it have to happen? Why him and not me?
I asked these questions over and over again in my mind, till finally no tears would come and Fred's T-shirt was soaked through.
It was about noon now and the sun lit up Fred's face. He still had a smile on his face; he died when he was happy, I thought to myself.
I could hear noise downstairs and I realised it to be the sound of a party. I frowned. How can anyone be celebrating when Fred was dead? I laughed at what Fred would say about it
"Never mind having a party when I'm dead, how can they have a party without me full stop? I mean how can it be a party without me?" but as the laughter died, I begin to cry harder.
I couldn't remember felling asleep, but that is how Bill found me. Asleep, eyes puffy and lying on Fred's cold chest. I could see he was sad, but there was happiness in them blue eyes.
He sat next to me and tried to hug me in a brotherly way. I had no choose but to let him but I wish he would just leave us alone. It was then I released that it wasn't us anymore, it was just me now.
I let Bill take me home, not the flat, the Burrow. I let Mum hug me tightly and tell me that everything was going to ok. I let Ginny make me a cup of tea, which she spilled quite a few tears into. I let Hermione tell me that Fred was a great man and very brave. But I didn't listen to any of it. I mean how could everything be ok, Fred was dead, dead and nothing could be ok after this.
At the funeral, it was Percy that gave the speech. I don't see why. As I listen to the whole load of rubbish that Percy was saying, I imagined that Fred was sitting next to me.
"Do you understand any of this waffle?" he smirked "Percy really does get more boring everyday, I mean who cares if I was 'a great person' or 'I loved my jokes' everyone here knows that we are the greatest pranksters that Hogwarts ever saw and of course I'm great, but if he says anymore, I will get so big headed that my head won't fit in the coffin"
That was when I started to laugh, I started off quietly so only my Mother, who was sitting next to me could hear. She was crying into my Father's shoulder so didn't say anything. But then my laughter grow louder and louder so everyone in the church looked at me. I tired to hide it. I was laughing but fat tears were felling from my eyes.
Percy stopped talking and looked at me, slightly confused.
"Sorry…it's j…just that F…Fred would laugh at this speech" I laughed and cried at the same time. Percy looked then hurt, but I continued.
"Yeh, he was great but that is not what he wanted people to remember him by, he wanted to remember him by the pranks he pulled, like when we made them fireworks and they chased Umbridge for days or when we painted Mrs Norris pink in our first year" I stand up now, looking at everyone." He was loyal, but he liked to tease and he didn't care for rules, the more rule breaking the happier he was, and he didn't forgive that easily, he liked revenge." I looked round at everyone. All eyes were on me. For some reason, I couldn't cope with this. I looked at the members of my family.
Mum and Dad were looking at me, surprised and with a look of what looked like pity on their faces. Ron and Ginny, who's both faces were red with tears, were nodding in agreement. Bill and Charlie, who didn't know Fred that well, were just looking at me, tears leaking from their eyes. Percy ripped his speech in half and wiped the tears from his eyes.
I laughed again at the idea of Percy ripping up something that he spent hours on and felt guilty.
"That is how I'm going to remember him as anyway" I then turned around and walked out of the church. Outside it was raining, and Fred appeared next to me again.
"Trust the weather to be horrid on the day of my funeral" I had to agree with this, as the weather had been quite nice now since You-know-who died. The fog had gone and the sun had been the hottest in years. I sat on a bench that was near the hole that had been made ready for Fred's coffin.
"Do you think it is scary down there?" I asked Fred, who had sat next to me.
"It can't be anymore scary then waking up every morning to you snoring next to me," he replied. I grinned, as I punched him on the arm. But my knuckles never touched him; they hit thin air as he disappeared.
"Fred, Fred" I said, looking around. "Don't leave me, please, I need you, Fred" I begged.
At that moment, the church doors open and the coffin come out, carried by Dad, Percy, Bill and Charlie. Ron and Ginny come out, either side of our sobbing Mother. Then everyone else. They arrived at the hole, and the coffin was slowly lowered down into the dark hole. I watched it as I felt my brother, Ron standing next to me, crying. When, finally, the funeral was the over, I stayed. I looked at the mud that was now covering my twin's body.
The day grew dark and my wet clothes stick to my skin. There was a bitter cold breeze that just made me colder and I was shriving badly.
The church behind me stuck the hour of midnight. I got out my wand and turned around.
I was now facing out shop. The bright colours showed, even in the dark. I heisted and then opened the door. This was the first time I had come here in months.
I smelt the dust that had built up on the products. I turned on the light and the bright colours hit me like a stunning spell. I stood freeze for about ten minuets, taking everything in.
I then walked to the till. There was a picture of us there. We where smiling and holding our first ever joke products. We kept on eating the sweets and throwing up or fainting. We were happy and whole and alive, something I wish still had.
I throw the picture across the room and it smashed. I then ran to the selves and throw everything to the floor. Boxes come open and the contents went everyway. Everything smashed and some of the things hit me and cut my leg and arms. I didn't care, I just throw more things. I ripped the posters from the walls and throw them to the floor. When there was nothing more to break, I fell to the floor and cried.
How was I supposed to live without Fred? He is me and I am him. I always felt pain when he did and he always felt pain when I did. We know what each other was thinking, we are…we were each other.
But now it is just me and I can't cope with that, I can't live without him.
I show him again, that night. He was standing at the till, looking around.
"Wow! You were really angry, you do know that there was the whole of upstairs to trash, why did it have to be the shop?" I decided not the reply to that and just sat there, tears felling.
"I reckon the amount of tears that everyone has cried over me could full a river," he told me, while he pressed all the buttons on the old muggle till that our Dad gave us for our birthday last year. I laughed uneasily and hiccupped.
"It is because everyone loved you" I replied. He pulled a face.
"I love you," I told him, looking up into our pale face, our blue eyes. He smiled at me and laughed.
"I love you too, bro, and I'm going to miss you," he said. I looked at him, he looked slightly sad.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"I have to go on, I can't stay here forever," he told me "But don't worry, we will see each other soon" I looked at him confused, what did he mean 'soon'?
Before I could answer, he said
"Cya" and then disappeared. I stood up and ran to the place where he had just vanished.
"Fred, Fred, I need you, FRED" I shouted. I felt empty inside, like a part of me had just died
"FRED!!!"
A week ago that was, and since then I haven't been the same. I spent most of the time in muggle pubs, drinking. I thought that I might forget everything if I did that, but I haven't. Sometimes, if I drink enough, there is a pleasant numbness, but I never forget. Harry, Ron and Hermione found me in one a couple of days ago. I was pretty drunk and they took me home. I hadn't tided up the mess in the shop so they were quite shocked at that.
When they put me to bed, I overhead Hermione saying that same twins, on rare occasions that is, share a very strong connection. So strong that they become one rather then two. They think the same things, they feel the same things, and they can't bare being away from each other for long. When one dies, the other can't cope as part of them are gone. They don't act themselves and it can drive them mad.
I didn't hear the rest, I feel asleep, having the same dream of finding Fred dead.
The next morning, I woke up with a headache and I went to the kitchen to find some hung over syrupy. Ron was sitting at the table with breakfast ready for me. I sat down but didn't touch the food. I haven't eaten hardly anything since the death.
"Erm…thanks" I mumbled. Ron smiled sadly and said,
"We are all here for you, you know that don't you?" he told me. I nodded sadly, but I didn't want anyone but Fred.
Ron leaved shortly after that, the breakfast not touched.
I'm sitting on the sofa in the flat right now, trying to write a letter to my Mother. But how do you explain to your Mother, the person who gave birth to you, raised you and loved you, that you don't want to live anymore, that live is not worth living.
I can see him right now. He is sitting in the chair next to me, watching me with sad eyes.
"Does it hurt?" I ask him.
"No, it's just like felling asleep but never waking up" Fred tells me. I nod and put the poison, which causes death within a second of taking, to my lips. As I shallow the bitter liquid, Fred takes my hand and squeezes it. I smile, because I can feel it. I am where I belong.
With my twin, with Fred, as one.
