1.
The first time they kissed, it was full of desperation. It was an attempt to heal her heart, broken by another man. It had been supposed to be comforting; maybe it would have been if it weren't for the bitter taste of alcohol on both their tongues. River had looked for the security she felt in Jack's arms in his lips. Instead she had found something else, much more intense than she had expected. And scarier. It had made her want to cut the relationship then. But she was selfish. So she stayed.
2.
Their second kiss was an apology, meant to bring relief. It had shown her she was as loved as much as she loved. It had been her way to beg for pardon for her anger, for the wall she had tried to build between them – now crumbled. It had also been the kiss to turn their friendship to something different, but something good. It had taken away the fear, the fear of denial, of crossing a line that could damage their relationship. It was the start of something new.
3.
Then there was the kiss that tasted of blood and tears. Even though she knew about his affection, when the light from his eyes slowly faded, River felt part of her perish with it; she could have sworn that her heart stopped beating with his.
Her hands were covered in his blood from her attempts to cover the wound. Every treatment she had picked up from her father, every remedy taught in and for battle had been futile to stop the bleeding.
The ship was as quiet as the lifeless body of the man she had considered her best friend, now pressed against her own in what might be their last hug. She had cried more in those few minutes than any other time she could remember.
Then he stirred. It was small, but she couldn't have missed it in such a tight embrace. He was alive again. Before he could even open his eyes, River had already taken his face in her hands – not even thinking about the blood on them – and pressed her lips against his, trying to pour her overwhelming joy in their touch.
4.
A kiss can be a declaration of love, a simple way to show how one feels, easier than words, better than excuses.
There were many reasons why River could feel jealous: Jack was attractive, gentlemanly and she knew he took a liking to more than she could give. It was childish to worry when she was the one who was married to someone else. Yet she couldn't help but feel a small pang when he talked about others with his velvety voice.
When he kissed her like that, with just that right amount of passion and softness, she could see how special she was to him. And hopefully he could understand how much space he took in her heart.
5.
Their last kiss was like many others. It was short, yet still full of love. It was a "Be back soon", a "See you later". It wasn't anything out of the ordinary, just another adventure. After all, this expedition was to a library that had been sealed for a century, she had a sonic screwdriver with her and a crew she trusted, what could go wrong? She should have noticed the way he lingered on the kiss, the soft "I love you" whispered against her lips, the way he looked at her like it might be the last time. They were those little details that Jack did so often, the ones that brightened the rest of her day, just like when he cupped her cheek and told her how beautiful she looked on that day. Never did she think twice about it – not until she was twisting CAL's cables in her hands.
