AN: So, I know it's not Quinn's. I promised it would be my next project, but it's getting really hard to write. So I came up with this, and I think it is one of my best ones to date. This is basically Puck's feelings about Quinn, the pregnancy, and Baby Beth. I hope you enjoy!
You are Noah Puckerman.
When you walk down the hallway, you can sense people's fear. It's great. Better than any drug you've ever tried. Total adrenaline rush that doesn't wear off. Ever. Fear the mohawk, losers, you think as they look away from you, afraid of what will happen if they meet your eyes. You grin smugly. You've got them right where you want them.
You're feeling on top of the world when you walk into glee club that afternoon. You'd just thrown the Jew-fro kid into the dumpster, and he cried. The high is like nothing else you've ever felt. Nothing can bring you down. You are the king, and McKinley is your kingdom- the losers are your loyal subjects, forever doing your homework and bringing you lunch money. So, you're feeling as good as you ever do when you walk into Glee rehearsal.
And then you look at her. She's so beautiful. So god damn beautiful that it makes your stomach hurt. It's like something's fluttering in your stomach. Are those...butterflies? What the hell? You are Noah Puckerman. You don't get nervous. Especially not with a girl. Especially not with this girl.
You don't know if it's the fact that it's your baby that's growing inside her, or what, but this whole pregnancy thing is really working for her. She has all that "glowing" bullshit that people always talk about in movies. It's like she's an angel or whatever.
You shake your head, trying to clear it of the thoughts you don't want to keep there. You are not in love with Quinn Fabray.
That's what you tell yourself, anyway.
Every day in Glee Club she'll look over at you and smile this sad smile that you're not sure what to make of. So you smirk back at her, and hope that's the response she wants. Girls are so confusing to you. That's why you screw them, and never get too involved.
That's what she was supposed to be, and then this happened.
You know she doesn't want you. You're not good enough for her, or her world. You don't even deserve to look at her, let alone get her naked. But you had. If that fucking condom hadn't broke, none of this ever would have happened. Sure, it was pretty old and had been in your wallet for a couple weeks, but still, you weren't planning on getting it on with Quinn that night. Actually, you were supposed to get with Santana that night. Santana was on the pill. The condom wasn't supposed to break. Quinn hates you. Even though she smiles, she hates you. With every single bone in her body, she despises you. And you love her just as much.
Preparing for regionals is hard work- harder than you expected. Quinn's stomach grows steadily with each passing day, and you worry that the dancing might be doing something to the baby. You're not really sure what it would do, but you remember from health class that pregnant women shouldn't move around too much. You worry that the dancing will hurt her or the baby, but she does it and doesn't seem to be hurting so you don't object.
Regionals goes off without a hitch. Celebrating your sure-to-be victory with your team-mates, you look behind you to see Quinn slowly lowering herself down the stairs. She's due any day now, and she's huge. She's still more beautiful than anything you've ever seen. Your first instinct is to help her, but there have been so many times when she's recoiled in disgust at your touch, that you restrain yourself.
You turn away from her, and go back into the green room, where Rachel and Finn are smiling goofy smiles at each other, Santana and Brittany are clasped in a tight embrace, Tina is sitting in Artie's lap, kissing him, and Mercedes and Kurt were no where to be found. And that's when you hear his voice screeching your name at the top of his lungs. You turn around, to find the flamboyant boy running at you.
"PUCK! PUCK!" You grab the smaller boy by the collar of his shirt, forcing him to stop.
"What?" you say through gritted teeth. You're not in the mood for this right now.
"Quinn...is..." Kurt trails off. Now you're intrigued.
"What? What's going on with Quinn?" you grip his shirt tighter. The boy can't spit the words out fast enough.
"You need to get the hospital!" Kurt pants, obviously out of breath. You throw Kurt aside, sprinting down the hall and out into the parking lot where you find Mercedes and Mrs. Fabray escorting a hysterical Quinn to the car. You grab Mercedes by the shoulder, and though she doesn't smile, she seems relieved.
"What can I do?" you ask frantically. Quinn lets out a whimper and then a grunt, obviously in pain. You wince. You hate this. You hate that you've done this to her. Mercedes glances at her, frowns, and then looks back into your face.
"Be a fast driver," she says, grabbing the keys out of Mrs. Fabray's hand and giving them to you. You nod. Quinn can't really walk right now, and you're the only one here who has a chance of carrying her. You scoop her up bridal style, and start running towards the Lexus that Mrs. Fabray drives. She's heavier than you expect, but you can handle the weight. She's clutching to you, crying into your chest. Her hands latch around your neck, scratching the nape of it so hard that your eyes start watering. You don't care though. It's nothing compared to what she's going through. Looking down at her in this moment, you let yourself believe that she needs you.
You help her into the back seat, while you hear the click click click of Mrs. Fabray's heels on the pavement. Mercedes is there next, trying to soothe Quinn, saying that it will be okay, to stay strong. You start to think that the advice is more directed at you when Mercedes meets your eyes, but she looks away when Mrs. Fabray gets inside the backseat, cradling her daughter in her arms. Mercedes sits in the passenger seat, and before you can buckle your seatbelt, you floor the gas pedal, and peel out of the parking lot towards the nearest hospital.
NPNPNPNPNPNPNP
"GOD DAMNIT, NOAH, HOW MUCH LONGER?" she shrieks, but the scream turns into a moan of agony. You force yourself to hold back the tears. This is your fault. It's your fault she's in so much pain. You stopped responding ten minutes ago- it was better for your sanity that way. Mercedes touches your shoulder, and looks at Quinn, then back to you.
"Stay strong. Please. You're all she's got right now." It takes a while for what Mercedes said to sink in. You're all she's got. You're all she's got. A smile makes its way on to your lips before falling again. Because you are all too aware that the second this pain is over, everything will be exactly the same as it has always been. You loving her. Her hating you. Story of your life.
You glance in the rear-view mirror. Mr. Schuester's face takes you by surprise. But when you realize he's driving a bus, and the bus is full of your team-mates, you are in awe. Wasn't anyone staying to find out the results? To hold the trophy when they so obviously should win? It doesn't matter, you think as you pull up to the front of the ER. Mrs. Fabray is out of the car before it is fully parked, and you notice that her heels are discarded in the back seat.
"Mommy!" Quinn chokes, and she sounds so sad. Mercedes is trying to comfort her, opening the door and preparing her to get out of the car. You push the girl aside, and scoop Quinn into your arms, rushing in after her mother.
They've already got a wheel chair ready for her, and you put her it it. You insist on pushing her, though there's several offers shouted from behind you. You're the fastest. You can get her there the best. You're following the nurse, until she turns around, as if remembering something.
"Not all of you can come into the delivery room," she says.
"I'm her mother," Mrs. Fabray says, taking Quinn's hand. Quinn, seemingly oblivious because of the pain, is gripping her mother's arm. Through her tears, she takes Mercedes' hand.
"Mercedes, I want you there," she says, and Mercedes nods, following her friend. Mrs. Fabray tells you to come too, though you're hesitant. Okay, maybe you're a little nervous. Not that you haven't seen it all before, but this was different.
You look back at the rest of the New Directions. Mr. Schue meets your eyes, and smiles. It's as if he's trying to tell you what Mercedes did. Stay strong. You're all she's got.
That's not entirely true anymore, now that you're a the hospital. Now that Quinn has her mother, doctors, and pain-killers to get her through the next couple hours, she doesn't need you. Not like she needed you in those few moments in the parking lot. You nod at him, and turn, jogging to catch up with the girl you love, her mother, the black chick, and a crowd of nurses that seems to be hovering around them.
NPNPNPNPNPNPN
It's over. It's all over. But now that you think about it, it has only really just begun. You've never really been one for cliches, but you gotta admit this one is true.
If there's one thing that you can take away from this experience, it's that childbirth is absolutely disgusting. One thing is for sure- you never want to see that ever again. You envy Mercedes, who gets to sit up by Quinn's head, and you- the only guy in the room- were forced to sit on the end with all the action. You have never been more turned off by a girl's naked body in your entire life.
At first it seemed a little anti-climatic after those nine months of pain that the two of you had suffered.
But then it's over. There's a crying baby in Quinn's arms. Crying baby Beth. You've never felt more jealous in your life than in the moment when Quinn got to hold her.
And then she's gone. Off down the hallway, carried by some nurse for testing or whatever. You stand against the wall, tilting your head back, willing the tears to fall back into your head. You can't cry. You can't cry. Except you do. You feel sick to your stomach. You need to get out of here. Out of this room.
You look at Quinn, feeling like you should be saying something. But what was there to say? Good job? You sigh, and settle for 'Congratulations'. You leave the room before she can respond.
NPNPNPNPNPNP
It's easier to be in this room, now that Mrs. Fabray and Mercedes are gone, and Quinn is dead asleep. New Directions had lost regionals, but compared to everything else that had happened today, the loss seems pretty unimportant. They'd all gone home, after you'd assured them you were okay. For the first time in months, you felt at peace. Exhausted, but at peace.
You let your gaze roam over to Quinn, who is sleeping soundly in the hospital bed. She seems so tranquil, and is even smiling in her sleep. She looks relaxed. Happy. And if a sad Quinn is beautiful, a happy Quinn is no comparison.
Your phone rings, and you know who it is before you pick it up. You hadn't talked to your mom since you left that morning, and she's probably worrying. You were supposed to be back ages ago.
You run out of the room, not wanting to wake up Quinn.
"Hey Ma," you say.
"Noah, sweetie! Where are you?" You sigh, knowing she's going to freak out.
"I'm...at the hospital. Quinn had the baby this afternoon," you say quietly.
"Oh! That's wonderful news! Do you want me to come down there?"
"No, mom. I think I'm just going to spend the night here, if that's okay. Be there for Quinn, the whole deal. Her mom went home a couple of hours ago, and I don't think she'd want to be left alone."
"I understand. Should I come by tommorow morning?" she asks, sounding somewhat hopeful.
"No, Mrs. Fabray already offered to take me home." It's silent for a while. You know she's hurt, but you really don't want to deal with her right now. She didn't want to see you or Quinn. She wanted to see her grand-daughter. The grand-daughter that she doesn't know will probably be going up for adoption, if Quinn got her way.
"Well, okay. I guess I'll see you tommorow then."
"Yeah, bye, Mom." You hang up before she can say anything else.
NPNPNPNPNPNP
When the smiling nurse comes in the room, holding baby Beth, swathed in a baby blanket, you glance at Quinn. She's still asleep. You don't know if you want to do this when she's not aware, but the nurse is putting the baby in your arms before you can say anything. The nurse leaves, and you look down at your daughter.
You see her little blue eyes looking up at you, and the rest of the world fades away. Not fade away exactly, but you guess nothing really matters. Not Quinn, not Santana, or football, or Glee, or maintaining your bad ass image. All that matters is the little girl in your arms. You never knew something so small could make such a big impact on you, but she has. Looking at her, you are sure that love exists.
You want her. Not in the creepy way, though. You want to keep her. She's your daughter, and you can't even think of letting someone else take her home. It's not even a possibility anymore. Not after seeing her like this.
A few hours ago, you never would have believed that anything could've made you want to change your ways. Now, you are sure you have to. You want to be nice, to be smart, to be clean. No more juvy or detentions. No more drinking, or smoking, or sleeping around. You'd give it all up for her, your little Beth. She's worth it.
You quickly glance up at Quinn, and you know she's going to fight this. She doesn't want to be a mother. She doesn't love Beth. Not the way you do. Even though she had carried her, she'd kept herself unattached. Emotionally, of course. Quinn hadn't let herself dream of babies, or motherhood. You didn't think you had either, but now it wasn't a dream. It was a set-in-stone reality.
You don't care if Quinn wants nothing to do with Beth. You don't care if she does. You will raise Beth all by yourself if that's what it takes.
Some things are worth fighting for.
And you know Beth is one of them.
AN: So I know that Puck is all dark, and badass and stuff, but inside I think he's a marshmallow. I know this doesn't follow the plot exactly, but this is what I wanted it to be, so...yeah.
Please check out my other character studies for Brittany, Rachel, and Kurt. If Quinn isn't next, then it will be Blaine. His is almost finished.
I have a question for you all...do you think I should just group all of my character studies into one story? Or is it better the way I'm doing it with them all separate? If you think I should join them together, what should I call it? Let me know!
Also, please request what character you want me to do next! I love requests!
Please Review!
