A knock on the door,

My eyes drag open,

My mind's a cloud of haze.

Who's at my door?

I see you, dark circles under your eyes

Your hair's ruffled, untidy

You're a mess.

I suddenly remember the case,

The gruesome pictures,

Images engraved into my mind forever.

I'm barely holding myself up,

How are you standing strong still?

"Jane?"

"Can I stay here tonight?"

That's a stupid question.

When are you not invited to spend the night?

When is there ever a time where I reject you?

"Of course, come in."

I try not to stare at you as you walk by.

You're so strong,

Emotionally, physically, mentally,

How do you do it?

He focused on you

And yet you walk around every day

Like those scars on your palms

Don't matter!

I wish I could forget like you.

I can't though.

Every incision I make with a scalpel,

I remember it.

Every cut, tear, and mark I make into a person's

Deceased body,

I remember it.

It haunts me sometimes.

Sometimes I hear them in my dreams.

They scream sometimes,

When I make the Y-cut,

Scream like they're being tortured.

I know they're dead.

The dreams still scare me though.

Those are the nights when I call you.

I need your strength so I don't crumble.

Is that why you seem so strong?

So I can lean on you when I need to?

Is that why you ignore the scars?

"Do you want a cup of coffee or—"

"I honestly just want you to hold me."

My breath stops.

I can't believe you said that.

Yet I can.

Sometimes I forget we're best friends,

Not lovers.

I hug you,

No,

I sink into you.

You need this,

But I need it too.

You release soft sobs and I struggle to keep myself composed.

I can't cry if you do,

You need someone strong,

Like Casey.

But you need someone soft,

Like me.

My pride swells as you grip my back as hard as you can.

You didn't run to him,

You ran to me instead.

I smile.

No,

I can't smile,

That would be sick,

Disgusting,

Taking pride in the fact that you love me more than Casey,

You don't realize it yet, and probably never will.

That's okay though,

I have you now, right?

"Come to bed, Jane."

"I'm tired. I'm so tired, Maura."

"A lot has happened."

We relax into our sides of the bed,

Funny, isn't it?

We have our own sides, but we aren't together.

I was under the impression that it was reserved for couples only.

Forgive my mistake.

"Hold me."

"I—"

"Please, Maura, I need it. I need you."

I can't deny you, or myself, any longer.

Forgive me please.

I press myself up to your back and spoon you.

I hold you tight against my body.

I relish in the heat your body releases.

I'm high on it.

I'm in love with you, and I just want you to feel cared for.

I can give you that emotional stability if you need it.

I can give you that shoulder should you start to cry.

I can give you all the love in the world no matter

How much it hurts me.

Because I love you, I will go through whatever amount of pain I have to.

"It's okay. Go to sleep. I've got you."